Gym coach asks if he should push her or let her sit?

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Hi everyone, I am new here. Great place btw.

I have a seven year old and her gym coach informed me this morning that she complains of being sick everyday and wants to sit with him or the assistant instead of be involved in the class. He has at a loss and not sure what to do. My question is do I push her to get invovled or do I let her be?

Gym is useless. If it bothers her, and the coach is willing to let her sit out, I would let her.

Find out from your daughter what negative feelings may be holding her back. She may be scared of being teased, picked last, falling, etc. My NT daughter has those problems with PE, and it tends to make her feel sick every morning before school if there will be PE that day. Many AS kids have trouble with coordination and tracking, which can make PE a miserable time. I would prefer that your child sit it out rather than develop a hatred for physical activity; you can work at home to find physical activities that make her happy and inspired to move. My AS son loves to hike, bike and swim (he doesn't seem to mind being terrible at everything in PE class as long as the kids don't tease him about it).

Gym class can be hell for AS (and even NT kids). I would let her sit out. It is simply not worth the anxiety. I like the idea of encouraging her to be active outside of school, and helping her to find physical activities she likes.

Gym can be great when you are older and its on your own terms. Don't know about seven years old. Gets better though when you get older and leave school.

When I was a teenager teachers used to hit us with gym slippers for making the wrong expressions. One even punched me in the face for "smiling" at him.

I think it's changed now and they are much more understanding. I hope so.

I wouldn't push her. I know that gym class was a nightmare to me for a variety of reasons. Due to severe motor difficulties, I wasn't able to do many of the physical activities I was instructed to do, though the teacher always made me try. My failed attempts to do most of these exercises invited a great deal of ridicule from my peers. For some things, I did flat out refuse, like that dreaded pull-up bar. I was not about to hang from a bar several feet off the ground, much less try to hoist myself up on it. I need solid ground beneath my feet at all times. I will now make an exception for swimming, though this wasn't the case during much of my childhood. During team sports, I would stand as far away from both the ball and my "teammates" as I could get away with, and count the minutes until gym class was over. I have an intense aversion to all team sports, and want no part of playing or watching them. School caused me a great deal of dread and anxiety of a variety of reasons, and gym class definitely added to that. Forcing your daughter to participate in physical activities with the rest of her class would most likely make school more of an ordeal for your daughter.
Is there any sort of physical activity your daughter enjoys? Perhaps you could work with the school on arranging some alternative activity for her to do during gym class, based on what you know about her interests. I know that gym became more tolerable for me during my high school years when I was given a choice of activities. I went with a fitness training option that involved exercising in a room with various types of exercise equipment, such as treadmills, ellipticals, free weights, etc. In that class, I had the freedom to explore the equipment independently, and on my own terms. That was definitely preferable to being forced to participate in team sports and other structured physical activities that were difficult or impossible for me, and made me highly anxious as well.
If I were in your place, I wouldn't force her to participate in any of these activities that would likely be very difficult and stress-inducing for her, and I would look into alternative physical education options.

Last edited by OuterBoroughGirl on 26 Feb 2010, 11:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you, all. That makes me feel better to have some input. She hates school already, every morning she is sick or begs me to homeschool her, which I can't. By the time I pry her off me in her class I'm exhausted. I feel sorry for her. Will this get any better?

OuterBoroughGirl, she does like Yoga and I will mention it to her coach. Maybe that could be alternative.

There are two ways (I can think of) that this can get better: 1) her school situation improves; 2) she becomes resigned to the situation and stops fighting. The second one only looks better, but it isn't really better - it's actually depression, and can become dangerous. As difficult as it is to deal with your daughter's resistance to school, it shows that she is still energetic enough to fight for herself. It's even sadder when a child becomes resigned to the dismal existence that she perceives as her lot in life.

If you can talk to your daughter about what makes things so hard for her at school, you can start to work on fixing things. Do you live in the US? If so, does she have an IEP? Does she get autistic/socialization support? Is that where her problems stem from? If her problems stem from socialization issues, she needs socialization supports from an autism specialist. This is separate from and in addition to the pragmatics of speech that she might be receiving. Once you get a sense of what her areas of frustration or difficulty are, you will be in a better position to help modify her IEP (if necessary) to get her the supports she needs. She might not realize that things are not supposed to be that hard, or that parents and teachers are supposed to help her - it's amazing what kids don't realize that we assume they know!

This thread really hits home for me as I hated gym class for most of my school years, also. I will also second the notion that for the most part gym class is "useless" as someone else posted. At least to those of us who had limited athletic ability and were ridiculed because of it. The only time I didn't dread gym class was in high school where we actually had a choice of classes and there was always something non-competitive to chose from. I did aerobics, weight training, things like that. And I was a fairly active teenager despite not playing sports. I walked everywhere, swam almost daily in the summer, and also hit tennis balls off of the backboard in the park. So, it is possible to get lots of exercise without being involved in team sports.

As pointless as PE may seem, and as much as she hates it, you may just have to push her. In most places in the United States, at least one year of PE is mandatory for graduation from high school, and many middle schools won't let students opt out of PE. In addition, all children need to have some physical activity in their lives, and for some kids, especially those of us on the spectrum, school is the only place they are going to get it.

Is there an Adaptive PE program you can get her into? Many schools offer it for those that can't handle normal PE classes.

Physical education is not useless! The goal of phys ed is to develop a lifelong interest and capability in physical activity and healthy living, something you need whether your autistic or not. When phys ed is taught in a way that is competitive, that many people fail, because competition highlights your weaknesses and nobody likes that. Your daughter's teacher should be focusing on co-operative games, basic skills and movement patterns at that age - competition is usually for teens.

If she does not like phys ed because of skill level, then you should practice physical activity outside of school with her, which it sounds like you kind of do anyways - you sound like a good parent! Take her swimming, play catch, gymnastics, learn new sports whatever... her motor skills will improve and she will learn social skills from the sports such as working in a group, taking turns, reading body language.

I would say that you need to find what is causing the behavior (take the A-B-C approach). What is the antecedent to the behavior and what will be the consequence? Because there is a consequence to doing nothing. People with developmental disorders need to work at their weaknesses - not do nothing and get farther behind. She can't sit out of gym for the next 7 years until high school. Think of some of the positives that you may have learned from phys ed and explain them to your daughter, such as healthy living, leadership, discipline.

There is many good suggestions here, such as the adaptive program. I think you need to contact the principal and the teacher and make a plan with your daughter. If they don't know what to do, then tell them to find an occupational therapist or another specialist to help them make a plan/ They're professionals and it is their job - they can't give up on you. "I've tried everything" is not acceptable, but of course, be empathetic, teaching is a tiring, difficult job where people get stuck with many situations they have never been trained for. You definitely need an IEP!

School is hard for anyone on the spectrum. It is a social place first and foremost. But you have to give to get. People with ASD's need to be put outside of their comfort zone. A lot of us love routine and consistency - if we are not forced in to difficult situations we never learn social skills or other important life skills and we develop coping strategies that leave us behind such as defensiveness.Even seven year olds need to be tough. Success in school is a hard one but I recommend having a strong relationship with your teacher and child and always focus on strengths. Another thing is the need for positive thinking, re-assurance and providing your daughter with a sense of self-value. There can be frequent depression for a person on the spectrum. Being around positive people who have nice things to say makes me a lot more confident in social situations.

HTH GL!

Um, MrTeacher... I am going to assume that you were one of those people who did good at sports, and enjoyed your gym class. It doesn't really work that way for everybody.

Believe me when I say that no matter what group activity you force the child into, it will not help. All it will do is show off the fact that the child is clumsy, poorly coordinated, and get them insulted by their peers. Even if it is a cooperative game, all it is going to do is highlight how poorly they are playing towards a mutual goal. This will not end well.

I can agree with you that a child learning to expand their 'comfort zone' and try new things is important. But being mocked by your classmates is not a good way to expand your 'comfort zone'. If you want to work on things then try something else where success is at least partially attainable.

I say let the child sit out gym class. Its not as though running around in circles chasing a ball, and getting mocked by your peers is an important skill your child will use in their adult life. If you want to work on something, then work on things which will actually make a difference in her adult life, not things that will drive her into depression.

I agree with Tracker. So far my son who is 4.5 has not had to do PE yet, but I dread the time that he is supposed to. He is very poorly coordinated. We are working so hard to help him build self confidence in many areas, and I think asking him to do things like group sports is just a recipe for disaster. There are other ways to get exercise. I cannot even imagine my son trying to run around and kick a ball with other kids! I just think it would add way too much anxiety to him. Thank goodness my son has had an IEP since he was 3 yrs old, and he has been doing adapted PE at his school.

Passing PE or gym class does not have any bearing on how you do in life. As far as I know, I am not on the spectrum, but may have some minor characteristics. I hated PE! I opted to be a library assistant or an office assistant during PE so that I could get out of it. I did very well academically, and do not see that missing PE has had a detrimental effect on my life! I get exercise from walking, swimming, or doing aerobics.

I agree that spectrum kids do need to be pushed in some areas, but like Tracker said, it should be in areas that there is a possibility that they could succeed.

hmm, no i'm not particularly good at sports and where I live snowboarding and skating is a prerequisite to friendship, both of which require balance. I've certainly had my fair share of social failure, hence the reason why I have discovered this forum.

I will have to disagree with you. Co-operative games and skill building is specifically suggested for teachers that don't want a competitive phys ed classroom. This is probably what the teacher does anyways. Grade two's kind of all fail at sports. Have you ever seen a soccer game that has a giant ball of 7 year olds and no one scoring any goals? Most teachers instead have creative games at that age instead of competitive sports. If you still disagree with me, look at the US curriculum for elementary or an early years phys ed textbook, they will almost all suggest co-operative games as the way to have the most involvement in a phys ed classroom. Not ever teaching method will work for every student, but it is always worth asking the teacher what is being taught to see if the activities are causing anxiety.

Sitting on the sidelines can be equally stigmatizing for the student. The other students will notice. They will ask why and nag the other student. At that age they wont do that much bullying. When they get in to the mid-elementary levels they will notice and they will assume something is wrong with the person, whether they participate and don't succeed or whether they participate not at all. Generally, this comes down to the school and community atmosphere as to how much bullying will happen and how successful the student is at creating strong peer relationships. I have seen students who have been bullied for sitting out. The other students bullied that student because they thought the student got a special privilege of not having to change out or do fitness training. There is less opportunities for the student to connect with her peers will presumably hinder her opportunities to make friends and get through her teens, as many NT's connect to each other through sports. Also, recess is one of the more important times in school (probably the most) and that will require some physical ability, although a little bit less generally for girls - good to get some practice.

I respect your opinion, but I don't think the student should sit out. I think it is ignoring the problem. Either way, there are many solutions to the problem, but I think the school and the family needs a plan to get the student involved. I think from re-reading this thread I still don't see the reason for why the student does not want to participate, whether it is peer relationships, teacher relationship, lack of ability or whatever. I also don't know the student personally, because some people can be pushed and some need a gentle nudge. I also don't know what the school atmosphere is like or how the teacher handles the classroom, so making any comment on this thread is likely erroneous. I do personally think that non-involvement does not help the student and that something should be done to make the student like school more. I don't think that the student should be pushed to unrealistic expectations and end up getting mocked, but I also think "sitting out" is the same as having no expectations. It is good that the parent recognizes the problem and is searching for help, hopefully the student will succeed. Likely, an IEP that is sequential and well planned would help the student.

I think there are other ways to teach interaction at school. For example, band, drama or acting groups, working on team projects, etc... I do not think that PE is the only way to teach this. I agree that sitting out on the sidelines will draw attention to the student and may lead to bullying. Therefore, the student should just be put into another setting. I like the example of working out on equipment or other things. My son's coordination and balance is so bad, I am afraid of him getting physically hurt if he has to participate in things such as soccer. I have already decided that if he is forced to participate in PE in a way that is going to be too difficult for him, I will put him in a private school or homeschool him. I will not have him running around and getting knocked down by a bunch of boys that are physically stronger than him. I know that I am protective of my son, however, we have so many battles to work on, this is just not one that I am willing to face. I think the long term effects on his self esteem are just not worth it.

I agree with Angel Bear and Tracker. Only when I was able to opt out of competitive sports did I gain any confidence in my athletic ability. I actually did do tennis in my junior and senior year P.E. classes and enjoyed it, because I was interested in it, able to practice on my own, and had been out of the "shark tank" so to speak for a few years.

In so many ways, I think kids have fewer rights than adults. They are expected to "deal" with bullies while adults get to file harrassment or assault charges in similar situations. Also, when would you ever be forced to play a competitve sport that you suck at and hate in adult life?