Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

zeldapsychology
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,431
Location: Florida

26 Mar 2010, 7:24 am

It's 8:30AM already and I've said to my little sisters "You shouldn't eat in my room but in the kitchen (with there breakfast) they said no and they'd eat in my room (lately I have been UNABLE to eat in my room so what spearates them?! !!) I repeated this upwards of 3 times no success!! ! They grabbed a candy bar (with toaster Strudel) 3 times I was like "Yall should eat that later not now etc." No dice. I have NO AUTHORITY!! !! IMO they aren't hitting/hurting each other/themselves so I see no concern but a candy bar at breakfast and eating in my room (when I NOW can NOT do it) They DON'T LISTEN TO ME!! !! SHEESH! and it's only 8:30 AM!! !! !



sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

26 Mar 2010, 8:38 am

zelda,
When I was a child my mother would perm and cut my hair a 'Shelley Winters' bubble do. It was short and curly and (according to my mother) really cute.

Later in life I read Shelley Winters' biography and she told the story of how her agent (who was her husband at that time) and the Film Studio directors and presidents ganged up on her about her contract and wouldn't let her chose what movies she was going to be in. She was contracted to the studio, married to her agent and legally had no recourse.

so one night she locked herself in the bathroom and cut her hair off short. She explained it was the only thing she had any 'authority' to do.

I also read that anorexics and bulimics also have this feeling of having no control over anything, so they starve or regurgitate to have some control, some authority.

I am sure you can see, something like changing your hair is much healthier therapy than making yourself ill, and I don't even pretend it is going to help ease your frustration you are having in your living arrangements, but you can think of constructive and healthy ways to demonstrate your authority over you while you prepare yourself for living independently.

all the best,
Merle



DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,998
Location: Northern California

26 Mar 2010, 12:07 pm

If you are supposed to be in charge of your siblings, your parents have to make it clear to those siblings that they have given you the authority to act as you see fit, and that they will back you up on all decisions and consequences. If your parents do not make that clear, and do not back you up, your siblings will feel it's vacation time whenever you are in charge. Because you are their sibling, and not their parent.

I recommend sitting down with your parents and discussing strategies for conveying to the younger children that you are the authority during certain times.

My daughter knows quite clearly that my son is in charge if they are home alone together, and her agreeing to that is part of the condition of being allowed to be home with him. Otherwise, she has to tag along with me. She prefers home. Still, she also knows that he is responsible for keeping the peace, and she plays him, having him make hot chocolate and load her movies, etc. That one him and I haven't figured out how to get around; we've kind of accepted it as the cost of the arrangement. But him and I are talking about it, and hopefully we'll be able to solve that little hurdle.


_________________
Mom to an amazing AS son, who recently graduated from the university (plus an also amazing non-AS daughter). Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


zeldapsychology
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,431
Location: Florida

26 Mar 2010, 1:43 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
If you are supposed to be in charge of your siblings, your parents have to make it clear to those siblings that they have given you the authority to act as you see fit, and that they will back you up on all decisions and consequences. If your parents do not make that clear, and do not back you up, your siblings will feel it's vacation time whenever you are in charge. Because you are their sibling, and not their parent.

I recommend sitting down with your parents and discussing strategies for conveying to the younger children that you are the authority during certain times.

My daughter knows quite clearly that my son is in charge if they are home alone together, and her agreeing to that is part of the condition of being allowed to be home with him. Otherwise, she has to tag along with me. She prefers home. Still, she also knows that he is responsible for keeping the peace, and she plays him, having him make hot chocolate and load her movies, etc. That one him and I haven't figured out how to get around; we've kind of accepted it as the cost of the arrangement. But him and I are talking about it, and hopefully we'll be able to solve that little hurdle.



Thanks DW mom. Todays babysitting went ok. I took sentence notes (as in what they'd have to write I will not jump on the bed) for example and wrote 4-5 sentences they could write. Mom as you said backed me up and they had to write senetences (I'm more lenient I didn't make them write 20+ times but the amount of there age 8 times and 10 times. :-) So things went fine. :-)