our new cat

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My daughter's special interest for the past year or so has been cats. She likes to pretend she's a cat, has lots of books about cats and toy cats, and always says she wants things to be "catty." Several months ago, she kept saying, "I wish I had a real cat." We had a cat once but it died before she was born (she's 6 now). We decided to get a new cat if we could find one that would tolerate dogs (we have 2) and kids, because my husband and I missed having a cat, and obviously our daughter really likes them. We adopted a very nice adult cat a few weeks ago. He's very affectionate, playful, talkative and a joy to have as a pet. When we got him, my daughter said,"This is the happiest day of my life." However, she doesn't interact with him as much as I hoped she would. For example, she doesn't usually want to help with feeding him and doesn't pet him that much. I was hoping they would form a bond, but so far the cat is mostly bonding with me. She's an only child, so I was also hoping this cat would be more company for her. The cat obsession stil continues though. Any thoughts on this? I ask her about this, but she isn't always good at communicating her feelings.

I would give your daughter and new cat some more time. I know we had a cat before she was born that I thought might be too quickly irritated ect. The cat is more bonded to me, but she is a great buddy for my daughter. My husband said just the other day that she can half choke the cat, sling her around and boss her and our cat tolerates most of it.

Have you taken her to the pet store and let her pick out treats and toys for your kitty. I know when my daughter feeds treats we have her count them out so she is also practicing math along with enjoying caring for an animal.

Maybe it will just take a little more time for her to warm up to the cat. I am not sure. We have a cat, and my son who is 4.5 mostly ignored her up until about 6 mos ago. Now he goes up to her and pets her and makes comments about her. It is funny because I think the cat gets a little scared of him since he can get a bit loud, and I think he is a little afraid of her too, but they really seem to like each other. I would just see how it goes and let her bond with the cat in her own way and time. Good luck!

Just an update, my daughter decided to spend her allowance on toys for the cat. I think they are warming up to each other, slowly but surely.

It can take a while, and sometimes we can send the cat the wrong signals. We gave my NT daughter a cat for Christmas and the first one only wanted to bond with my husband, which would have been OK with my daughter if the cat hadn't started to see her as a threat, at which point the adoption agency recommended we try a different one. The second cat lived in my daughter's room with her at first - very little exposure to the rest of us - and that seemed to cement the bond. My daughter is definitely the cat's favorite at this point, even though she now has run of the house and the rest of us do more of the cat chores.

The whole pet experience isn't always exactly what kids have etched in their minds, so reconciling reality and vision has to take place. Pets are unique individuals, and it takes kids a while to understand and appreciate that.

Your daughter loves the "notion" of cats. She wanted a cat and now "has" a cat. The cat is reality - a creature needing care. The care it needs doesn't give her the "rush" that the notion and fantasy of "Catworld" does. The same reason why men oggle "many" women at the beach and on TV but still have "a wife". The cat (in a sense) is the "wife" now. Your daughter is chasing the "rainbow". It's totally normal!! But you do realize, that "you" and "you" alone are stuck with the real cat. I hope you are able to love the cat. If not, it wouldn't be fair to the cat. It didn't "ask" to come into your home. It's a captive. All pets are. As long as they are kept well and at least "liked", that's all that matters.

She's "may" not be warming up to the cat necessarily. It was the "joy" of buying the cat toys. It's just happens to be good for the cat if it likes to play with the toys. This is similar to people going on a shopping spree just to go shopping - nothing to do with the actual goods that they purchased. Usually they buy things they neither want nor need - they just simply like to "shop". I'm tellin' ya truthfully - "you" are the cat's mama. That cat is just simply the "mascot" of your daughter's obsession with "catworld". It's like "Are you at the PROM with a date?" or "Are you with a DATE at the prom?" What's more significant? the prom or the date. She "likes" the cat but I doubt there will be a true "pet/owner" bond. That's "your" cat and the cat knows it too. Trust me on this. My older son was like this with many different pets - first a dog, then it was a turtle, then a budgie, the whole animal kingdom has spent a stint at my house with only "initial" attention from my son. When he moved out, his pets stayed with me. He didn't want them. When I suggested that he take them, he looked at me like I was crazy. I still have his parrot - that thing is going to outlive me! Lovely bird but how did it end up being my bird? I really didn't want this bird but I'm sort of attached to it now. I can't part with it. I can't believe it's actually calling me while I post this e-mail even. We joined at the hip!

Lol, well ... I think it depends on the child. My daughter has a cat and while the cat is now busy bonding with other family members in addition to her, she is very clear in her statements that this is "her" cat, and she has been highly disappointed to discover she may not be able to take it with her to college someday. We just feed it and clean it's liter box ...

Overall, though, NEVER bring an aminal into the house that you are not willing to accept may become more yours than the child's. Good rule of thumb.

That's definitely a good sign. Some aspies may be able to show affection through gifts more easily than through hugs or petting.

Cats can be picky about who they want to show affection to and when, but if you are nice to them and treat them like family then they should warm up to you pretty quick. My cat and I are inseperable; she's basically a furry purring alarm clock cause she'll wake me up in the mornings for food.

@the OP: Is your daughter in charge of feeding the cat? A while back I was placed on cat food duty when we got our current cat, and now I'm the first person that the cat comes to and meows at whenever she wants food. It's said that the quickest way to an animals heart is through it's stomach. Maybe put your daughter in charge of giving the cat meals and it will come to see her as a friend. It will also help with your daughter's sense of responsibility, I'm sure, so you can kill two birds with one cat (pardon the pun.)

Just so everyone knows, I love the cat dearly. I've had pets for most of my adult life and can't imagine life without at least one (but I tend to have two or three at any one time). I knew and expected that I would be the one taking care of the cat. I was just hoping my daughter would be as entusiastic about our new cat as I am. I usually offer to let her feed him, and she will sometimes do it. I think it depends on whether she's occupied by something else at the moment. She was also pleased that he really likes one of the cat toys she bought him.

But yes, the idea of cats is probably what her obession is about. As someone said "Catworld"!

I think that the "person" who uses excessive "and" baffling "quotation" marks is being a "little" pessimistic.

Please give child a chance to adapt to the change enough to enjoy the actual experience of having a cat before dismissing it as a fantasy desire.

Though yes, of course. Parents should not allow children to have pets unless they, the parents, are willing to take responsibility for them.

(Every boy needs a dog and a mother to take care of it for him.)

Why are "you" "baffled" by my "use" of "quotation marks"? Did you see the my post about my son's parrot? I'm not being pessimistic but my son's parrot will probably outlive me and I never really wanted that bird. Maybe I can find a sane and safe family to adopt this pain-in-the-neck bird. What's worse...it says profanities...which I NEVER taught it. That might make it harder on me to find it a proper home. Oi vey!! !

Because quotation marks have meaning. They can indicate direct quotation of speech. They can indicate the title of something. They can indicate irony or unusual usage. They can indicate a nickname. They can indicated a distinction between mentioning a word and using the word. They can even be used for emphasis, which is incorrect but does make sense when you can't make underlines, italics or boldface happen.

Yours, however, don't seem to do any of those things, so I am baffled.

Yes, I read about the parrot. But your son's parrot and pumpknmom's kid's cat are not the same cat, parrot, or child, and it is pessimistic to suppose that things will turn out the same.

What kind of parrot?

African Grey. Wanna free parrot?

Yeah. Where is it?