Looking for advice/thoughts: Sensory/Social Anxiety?

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looking for thoughts/advice/suggestions - thanks in advance for reading

My 6 yr old son Derek has a PDD-NOS diagnosis and is in a full-day Kindergarten program. 1/2 day extended school day where he receives therapies and 1/2 half day in public K program with an aide.

The staff at school is great - a behaviorist, a Special Ed teacher, experienced K teacher, OT, SLP, Aide, etc. They have worked as team to make environment positive for Derek. He's making good progress, but there is still a major area of anxiety we haven't been able to figure out over past few yrs and I'm hoping another parent here might have ideas/advice/similar experience.

Any choral response (more than 1 person singing, clapping, saying something in unison) is too much for him in that he responds by having compulsory need to throw, kick or hit. And afterwards, when he's calm, he's very upset about his reaction. He is verbal, but limited more to wants/needs and doesn't have good understanding of his feelings yet. But I can tell from his expression and what he has told me that he's sad about hitting/throwing. I feel it's starting to really bother him, as it's only thing he freely offers up about his day (given his limited ability to verbalize). For example, at bedtime he might say, "Hit Mrs. Johnson." I explain to him that it's too much for him. I'm workign now on a social story - and am having trouble figuring out workding so that it doesn't create added attn to issue (making it worse) but also to tell him that reaction is not his fault in that he's not being bad.

What's interesting is that he often requests it. He may say, "Mommy and Ms. Johnson, you both sing." I get the feeling that it's stimulating for him in some way, and perhaps he's still trying to figure all those emotions out.

I can see it build in him as we sing and close to end of song, he's looking around for something to throw. Behaviorist originally thought it was the end of the song, and we tried various methods to change it up (i.e. visual supports, music therapy program where he could 'start' and 'stop' songs, give him job at end of song or use something to distract, but nothing has worked.

I feel there's both a sensory and social aspect. Not only is choral response loud, but taking in all those feelings in group is just too much to take in.

My question is if anyone had expereicen with this and know of any successful interventions for this type of issue?

Thanks again,
Suzanne

I haven't experienced anything near what you are discussing, but we may have had some tip of the iceberg issues. I would look at how your son reacts to sound. And, perhaps, dissonance. When multiple voices sing, there is usually a certain amount of dissonance - unless they are perfectly compatible and on-key voices. I know my son does not like people to sing, and has issues with music in general, but not at the level your child does. It definitely sounds like he is reacting on a sensory level to something in the music, and it isn't unusual for kids to be upset by their own reactions when they feel they have no control over those reactions.

I experience something similar to this once in a while - for me its usually a combination of auditory inputs. A piece of music alone won't generally do it, but aggressive thumping music and a telephone ringing simultaneously will send me into an instant anxiety spiral. Its as though someone dropped a large bell over my head and started banging the clapper as hard as they could, while screaming at me in a foreign language. It sends an electric shock from the base of my cerebral cortex shooting up through my frontal lobes which then feel as though they're throbbing. I know the brain has no internal nerve endings, so I couldn't possibly be actually feeling that, but I do.

I couldn't begin to tell you how to control it, but I suspect that over time he will outgrow it to a large extent - not that it will go completely away, but he may become somewhat inured to it so that it's not so overwhelming every time. Wish I could be more help.

I don't know if this will help you - but when my daughter was younger she couldn't deal with noise/talking/singing coming at her from different directions. She absolutely loved (and still does) music, but too many differing tones, voices, sounds was overwhelming to her.

She has learned to shut it out as she's gotten older - I think her being in orchestra has really helped her focus on specific music and block out the rest. However - she still has a difficult time in crowds where there are a lot of different people carrying on different conversations. She says it's like she's drowning in the words and can't focus on any of them.

Think of yourself being in a room with 10 people - all of them asking you questions or trying to have a conversation with you at the same time and you have to communicate with all of them. You'd run from the room screaming... That's probably how you son feels to a certain extent. And because he knows he feels different about the music (noise) and reacts differently than the others - it's got to be confusing for him. If there is a room or area that is quiet - perhaps they can allow him to leave when he begins to feel overwhelmed and come back when he's ready. Making him stay in the room has got to be like torture for him. Giving him the okay to 'chill out' will help alleviate his anxiety and letting him take the music in 'smaller doses' could help him learn to cope with that type of situation better.

He may not be able to stay in the classroom while the singing is going on. They may have to find a "safe haven" for him. My son didn't act out about by hitting when he had sensory overload but would "run". If he knew something was going to happen at school that he didn't want any part of, he would leave. Yes, leave. Twice I found him at home in our backyard. This was when he was in Kindergarten. The second time happened after the school had told me, get him to school and we will keep him here. He was in the custody of the Vice Principal when suddenly he was gone.

I did not know anything about "runners". Even when I asked Pediatricians about it, they would tell me it was my parenting skills. I took so many parenting classes, I could probably teach them, but none helped. None even discussed sensory sensitivity. I didn't even know to call it that.

If a mall got too loud for him, he would run. If an airport was too much, he would run. If a hospital scared him, he would run. If a Children's Fair was too loud, he would run.

Sheer panic would come over his face whenever something was too much for him, then the "flight" mode would kick in.

Have to say though, that at about 7-8 years old, that went away. He could finally handle assemblies at school. And the lunchroom wasn't so loud to him anymore.

When he was a little tyke, I felt so bad for him in a public bathroom when I would change his diapers and someone would turn on those automatic hand dryers, he would panic and almost climb off the changing tables.