adapting vs teaching to adapt

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ok so here is what i am struggling with lately.
how much do i adapt and try to get adapted for my son vs how much should i teach him to adapt to the world.
i know my son is young (6 1/2) but i don;t want him getting the idea that everyone and everything should be adapted for him, but i also realize that adapting things for him is helpful i guess i am just not quite sure where to draw that line.
things aren't going to be adapted for him all the time so i think the sooner he learns to adapt to these things the better but at the same time i know he is young and could use adaptations of things to help him but also to give him time to build up those skills.

i know there is no magic answer here but i am just looking for more thoughts or ideas on this.
thanks

That is a good question you have. Was struggling with it myself when I got my dx. Grr... tough balance. I um had to try to adapt my SID problems to work. It's a very wacky disorder. It was tough, but I think I have, or at least I want to believe I have more of a handle on it. It's like you have to find alternative ways to deal with your problems. Um, my boss had a few suggestions. The biggest prob. for me is auditory. And I did this as a child, too. I have to physically remove myself from the situation unless I implode and possibly lash out. If I find myself lashing out, which I do, I remove myself. Breathing helps.

It's like, you can show him the tools he can use. It's of course up to him if he wants to use him. (It's not up to him if he remembers to use them. I forget many things, especially when overwhelmed.) I guess you can work with him after he becomes overwhelmed and cools down to reinforce the idea of self help. It's important to wait for the cool-down period, though, but I am sure you know that.

I don't know, I am kind of going after the same thing. I hope this helps.

Help him adapt to or manage things that will not change for him - school and how to cross a street might be examples. On things that you can adapt for him, it's best to err on the side of adapting for him, I think. Aspies cannot be expected to become neurotypical.

That is a pretty good summary. I also ask my son to learn things that will help with his goals, when I am comfortable that he CAN learn them, as well as integrate them in a way that won't create more daily stress. I am really pushing on his writing and editing skills on a keyboard, for example, instead of allowing the school to give him voice technology, because I honestly and sincerely believe he CAN do it, and that learning it will be important to his future. We do have a constant dialogue about these things, and he knows that if I'm pushing it is because I sincerely believe he CAN do something. Sometimes I've had to reverse course when I've seen the stress, but mostly I'm finding that I'm nudging pretty effectively.

With my daughter - we have pretty much always tried to teach her to adapt. With patience it has worked fairly well. The world is not going to change for her - it doesn't change for anyone, NT or not.

There are things we do not push, but we do encourage - socializing is probably the thing we work on but don't really get too freaked out when she chooses not to actively persue. We do talk to her alot and explain things - she has a lot of questions about social interactions and is becoming very astute at observing people and figuring them out.

We never treated her like she was 'unable' or 'disabled'. We have always made it a point to focus on her strengths and use those to help us teach her and guide her. We have always been open with her about her Asperger Syndrome and what it is/how it effects her learning and her personality and that it is nothing to be ashamed of or for her to think makes her less intelligent or less capable.

The thing that was the most difficult was figuring out HOW to teach her, once we got that - everything else has fallen into place. But we never gave up or allowed her to give up just because she happens to have AS. There are things she's really good at and things she's not so good at - but really - isn't that the case for most people? There are things she will never be good at, and things she will excel at - again, something that everyone deals with.

Our main goal as parents - of ANY kind of kid - is to give them the tools they will need in order to lead a productive and independent life (to whatever extent they are capable of). If we accomodate everything in their lives to suit their specific needs - they will never learn to cope outside of the protected zone we create for them. In the case of a child with special needs - we help them work with/around the obstacles in a way that works best for them but still allows them to grow and function.

At one time - I really wasn't all that sure that my daughter would ever really be self-sufficient or able to live on her own, but as she matures and I watch her learning to cope with challenges on her own (without coming to us or our needing to intervene as much) I am confident that she will be a really cool adult type person. One that will stand on her own and accomplish more than we had ever dreamed she could. And the reason for this is that we never lowered our expectations - yes we changed some of them - but we never lowered them.

Whatever you do, however you do it - just do it with what will be best for your child in the future in mind. Some things may not seem like they are really working or that you're fighting a losing battle, but you may find yourself surprised further down the line when things begin to 'click'. When things click - it's totally amazing!

thanks,
it has given me lots to think about.
thankfully we are at a wonderful school that has had few problems in adapting certain things for him as well as trying to find new strategies that work for him.
i guess it is really on a case to case basis, but i tend to push him a little too so that he knows i do not expect less of him.