Homeschooling and Dogs

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2 different questions-
My 7 year old Aspie daughter is having all kinds of trouble at school. She is currently in a small group environment for most of the day (with her deaf ed teacher). However, deaf ed teacher leaves at noon to go to another school. Then she's left with a para who hasn't worked with her a whole lot (that's a whole 'nother story that has me very angry with the school right now, involving the school firing her old para). Her IEP states that she has a 1 on 1 para, but this para is supposed to cover for the nurse during the nurses lunch break, so there is a half hour where dd is sent to her old preschool classroom to sit and do seatwork or read b/c there is no para support. After this, she has specials and typically REALLY struggles during specials. PE is her worst (there are 3 classes together and it's just a really tough environment...even with the para, it's incredibly challenging for her and she often gets in big trouble for hitting others). She wants to make friends, but has no earthly idea how. My question is this...I'm SO fed up with the school system. They don't even want to believe that she has AS b/c she reads with too much inflection. Of course, the behavioral specialist should know this because her own son has AS. Anyways, they are doing their own testing currently, trying to find a better environment for her. I know she would do better in a small group classroom, but I'm afraid they will put her with behavioral kids or just a sp ed classroom. She is where she needs to be academically...ahead in reading/language arts. I guess I'm seriously starting to consider homeschooling, yet all the professionals give me a resounding "DON'T DO IT!" At this point, it seems as if she is failing so much socially that it would be better for her. Why keep subjecting her to this continued failure socially?

Second question-
Tessa LOVES animals...yet she can be kind of rough with them. She wants all kinds of animals and begs and pleads for them. She wants to take care of them (yet she cannot help herself but to carry the cat around when the cat is meowing in displeasure). I'm wondering whether a dog would be a good thing for her. We have a cat, but don't have a fenced in yard and have 3 children younger than Tessa. My 3rd daughter is deathly afraid of dogs. Is this something that anyone has had success with? She REALLY wants a dog (a chihuahua to be exact, but I'm thinking a chihuahua is too small). Does this help to calm kids with AS down when they are melting down? What about a service dog? I've read a little about service dogs and kids with autism....but am a bit hesitant to look into it...not sure why. Just looking for info in this area.....it seems to be an area of special interest and always has been. In fact, tonight she declared she wanted to be a vegetarian b/c she doesn't want to hurt animals (not that she eats much meat anyways). She's even willing to give up her beloved hot dogs. We'll see if it lasts, but it very well might.

Sara

not sure what to tell you on this cause it is kind of a rock and hard place scenario. it may be good to homeschool for a little while untill she gets a little older BUT you will need to find somewhere for her to practice her social interactions with her peers in the mean time, if she doesn;t have the opportunity she will not get any more practice.

as for the dog thing....smaller dogs tend to have worse tempraments with kids, if your daughter will be rough with it i would tend to opt for a medium to large dog that has a mild temprament (eg. golden retreiver) since they will be able to take a little more withouth getting hurt as well as just having that milder temprament, chiuauahs are nervous little things at the best of times let alone having s child try to run around with it all the time.
it may help your other daughter to get over her fear of dogs if you have one in your house but.....that is a hard decision to bring one in knowing how scared your other is of them.

all in all i have no answers only opinions and observations that hopefully will help in some way.

There is no "perfect" breed, it depends on the individual dog. A labador retriver might be a breed to look into and are one of the three breeds most used for service dogs which include golden retrivers, German Shepards and labador retrivers. If your daughter is rough and impulsive with animals as I was at her age (don't belittle for it like my parents did but don't let her get away it either) a chihuahua wouldn't be a good idea until she is a little older. Chihuahas aren't as bratty as people make them out to be if they are properly socolized as puppies but they are incredibly fragile and make poor choices as pets for even "typical" children.

If my parents didn't take me out to homeschool me when they did I would have probably commited sucide by now or still be considered low functning autistic. Tell these "experts" tp go jump in a lake and take your daughter out as soon as you can.

You should be fed up with the school system. They do way more harm than good. I speak from lots of personal experience. I raised two children and two grandchildren (with a third grandchild due next month). I'm an Aspie and so is my 21 yr. old son and 4 yr. old grandson. My 27 yr. old daughter and 2 yr. old granddaughter are both NTs. I also successfully home schooled my son.

I'm a college graduate with a major in psychology and have learned much from attending Asperger group meetings. Pets are my "glue" for surviving life. I have no friends to do things with (never really did have any either). I've had pets of all kinds... from snakes, turtles, ducks, etc. on up to horses. Presently I now have two cats and a dog.

Your daughter not only needs a good dog... she MUST have one for her own well-being. I have a Chi-Poo (half Chihuahua - half Poodle). That dog is my best friend and goes with me everywhere (as if she is attached to my hip).

STOP subjecting your daughter to continued social failures. People don't know what they're talking about if they tell you that she will suffer socially by being kept away from others. I completely understand what you're going through, along with completely knowing what you're being told by "specialists" and "experts".

If it means anything, I also have an older sister that was born deaf; plus, my daughter meets with a deaf group regularly (she learned sign language in college). I wish you were in contact with my deaf sister. There is a lot she could also tell you, especially about cochlear implants that I'm sure no one else has told you.

I would be very, very careful about embarking into dog ownership. My daughter also loves animals but never had a clue about how to handle them properly. But the cat survived. Cats are clever and can tell the difference between innocent mistreatment, eg being carried upside down with his head dragging on the floor, and being delibrately hurt. Dogs on the other hand can be a bit dim. If my daughter handled our dogs in the way she used to handle the cat they would go mad.

Also, something else to consider, the barking. We used to have a boarder collie and my daughter loved him to bits. Now we have westies and she hates them, one more than the other. The reason being she can't cope with the barking. I think it is because it is more frequent that the collie and also the pitch is much higher. She goes into full meltdown if the smaller, yappier one starts.

I think the key to success with dogs is in how much people are willing to learn. A child that is accustomed to having his way probably should never have one.

My grandchildren could have ruined the good behavior of my dog. My dog is highly sensitive like me. She cannot (and will not) tolerate any roughness. My grandchildren and my dog get along fantastic because the kids learned how to be with my dog. My dog is also very good with other well-behaved children. She also plays well with my two cats.

Training (whether its children or animals or a spouse) requires time and patience, along with going through the process properly.

If you were to get a dog, I would suggest going to your local shelter and seeing if there's one who is used to small children and a bit of rough and tumble. Due to the recession there are so many animals WITHOUT behavioural or physical problems, unlike before where it might have been more pot luck.

I'm positive we would not get a chihuahua just because they are too annoying. It would drive me nuts. If we got a dog, it would probably be a larger breed. My husband saw the greyhound rescue people at Petsmart one day (Tessa LOVES to go to Petsmart when they have dog adoptions). Personally, I would rather get a lab or retriever....but we would definitely be doing more research before going this route. I just wanted to hear other experiences with it...it's not something I really want to do. I have enough living beings to take care of it and I certainly wouldn't do it under the assumption that she would take care of it. But, if it could help her as much as I'm thinking it could, it may be very beneficial and would be worth it.

We a TON of threads on the question of homeschooling, so I would read back and find them. There should be one just a few threads down, because we JUST went through that discussion.

I don't care what the professionals say. Many, many AS kids are successfully homeschooled. It is a very difficult decision and highly unique to each child and each family.

I was home schooled from kindergarten through 8th grade, and went to both public and private school in high school. I think home schooling can be a great thing if done properly. I had a great experience, but I just happened to have a mom who is an occupational therapist so when she saw AS traits in me she could help me when they interfered in any way. My parents also involved me in a LOT of activities and we were in a very tightly knit community so I had plenty of social interaction, and wasn't excluded or bullied. I went to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, I did some group schooling with other children, piano lessons, and other stuff that I just can't remember. I had many more friends at that time than I do now. A lot of it had to do with the children I was involved with. If I had been tossed in public school with random kids, even though there might have been more children in my school, I would have had many less friends just because of the dynamics of the situation. I wouldn't discourage you from home schooling, but I think you will need to make a conscious effort to get your daughter involved in a lot of things and probably still have a routine like she does at school. Having 'group school' was a pretty good option for us.

And the animals...I love animals too. I wasn't ever too rough with them, I just wanted to keep too many of them :] Rather than just getting a large animal that seems like it could tolerate roughness, I would try to teach her what is acceptable and what's not. That way she'll know how to handle other animals and she can transfer this to playing with children (not being too rough with them). I think your best bet would be to get an adult animal, because their personality is already established. A baby is kind of a guessing game as to what they will grow to be. I'll use a dog for an example. Say she squeezes the dog too tightly. If she does that, the dog goes to it's kennel or it's room, some designated area. She would probably really enjoy horses. Most people brush them off because they think they're quite expensive, but I would check into it. Look into leasing or riding lessons if you're inexperienced or money is an issue. They are reactive animals, so when you are too rough with them for example-they respond and you learn how to control yourself. I've learned about body language from them. I've been letting a teenage girl with ADD mess with my horse and she has to learn to control her body movements and loudness, etc around my horse. There are a lot of things you can learn. My mom does some therapy on him with a little boy with autism as well. I don't know about helping with meltdowns, but there has been research that humans will correlate their....I don't know what to call it, levels of excitement, maybe....with animals. I read about one where they placed a baby next to a cage of budgies and his vitals would go very high but they would lower and his breathing would slow when placed next to a chinchilla. My little brother gets very excited playing with my ferret, but one day I found them both asleep next to each other on the floor Animals can definitely be stress relievers. I wrote a paper that is sort of about that.

In terms of the dog ... Your situation makes me hesitant, mainly because of so many young, young children in the house. I would think bringing in a puppy, or even a 1- to 2-year-old, would be something of a nightmare: they need LOTS of attention and most likely LOTS of training, even if they're housebroken. I would definitely suggest older dogs--OR going to a (breed-specific?) rescue organization which puts their dogs into foster care, so they have a much better idea of the dog's temperament.

Labradors ... are hit-and-miss, especially because they are such popular dogs (lots of bad breeding going on). When they grow up and old they turn out to be lovely lovely lovely dogs, but tend to be a bit insane and rude as young 'uns. Greyhounds, even retired ones, have high prey drive, hence the racetrack, and may not be safe around your cat, or to take to dog parks if that's your fancy. Golden retrievers will also be excited when young, but do tend to grow into great rough-and-tumble dogs that lovelovelove people and might be perfect for your kid, 'cause any attention is good attention with goldens (if you can stomach the grooming and shed-shed-shedding).

You might also want to look into Newfoundlands, Bernese Mountain Dogs, pit bulls (LOVE people), Leonberger, King Charles Spaniel (if you want a smaller dog), and good ol' pound seniors, of which there are plenty fallen into bad circumstances and looking for homes. Definitely look for dogs who can tolerate a bit of rough-housing, who aren't hand-shy, who don't have food/resource guarding issues towards people. The latter can be cured, but it would probably be nice not to have to deal with that. ; ) DON'T buy from a pet store. Please please consider rescue.

(you've fallen into one of my special interests--can you tell?)

We have a labrador retriever (14 months old) now for 2 weeks. She was trained 4 months as service dog but failed the medical exam. Almost no barking and very friendly dog, while still young with lot's of energy.

I would say, try a dog for 2 weeks, pick a race that is robust and see what happens. Our son (of 7) is responding very good to the dog. But you only know when you try.

Am thinking of home schooling my 8 year old son. The Ph.D's all say "NO" but, I just don't feel it in my gut to keep him there right now. Maybe later. We have an 8 month old Boxer puppy and Bret adores him. He can always count on Shiner to forgive him, lick his face, and be his friend. Oh, and I can't remember who posted it but have to comment.........Dogs are WAY more clever than cats more empathetic for sure.