Looking for Parents of newly adult Aspies

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Ill get my support from people who do understand me...thanks

Are you sure it's AS? I know everyone is a bit different but I'd think a 17 year old should be able to find their way back of dropped off two blocks from the house.

It seems like something else, to me.

For one she is 17 not 18 so not a legal adult. My 17 year old is not at all ready to handle the real world. She was also just diagnosed this past year and has a lot to learn first. If she is that low functioning then maybe you should look into retaining Parental rights for a while. At least until she has the basic skills that she needs to function alone in life.
I am doing the same thing ... I know that here in Idaho I can get a free attorney and I need to start about 3 months before she turns 18. But your state might be different. My daughter is okay with this for now as she knows that she is not ready and her PSR worker also agrees this is in her best interest.

Hope this helps
AspieMom3

Well, you have got a couple issues to work on, but I think you need to first make sure of something very important. Is your daughter on board with all of this? And by that I mean does she agree with you that treating her social anxiety and getting an education is important? And not only that, does she really want to go through with this and be an active, willing, and motivated participant? This is more then her just saying, "yeah, therapy, fine I'll attend." She has to be fully motivated to go through with this plan, not because you tell her to, but because she want's to do this for herself.

You can sign your daughter up for all the classes in the world, but if she just wants to stay home and isn't motivated to help herself then you aren't going to accomplish anything. As the saying goes you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. So before you start getting a PDA and scheduling appointments you need to sit down with your daughter and make sure you are on the same page regarding what needs to be done and why.

Once your daughter is on board with whatever plan you agree on, then the rest will become easy.

Thanks for your view point... Yes my daughter is on board. And I don't have her signed up for a bunch of classes . She only goes to PSR and loves it. I don't believe in overwhelming my children with being over scheduled. I am on the spectrum as are all three of my children, I homeschool them all and my oldest just began PSR after cutting up both of her wrists . There is always more to the story I was only trying to give a suggestion ... After all the most important thing is our children's safety and happiness.
And as a parent is they are not able to care for themselves then it is your job to step in and do want is in their bet interest. My daughter functional at between 9 and 11 years old ( according to her last SIB-R ) would you send a 9, 10 or 11 year old out into the world?

It is a difficult time for you to be forced to move away from what has been your daughter's home. She may be legally an adult soon, but not emotionally. I think most of us have accepted that our kids will need us to support them as kids beyond the normal ages, and most of our kids seem to agree.

I think you are right to put conditions on the support you are giving her, and that definitely is your leverage. Adult or not, the ones who pays is the one who gets to make certain calls. Hopefully it never comes to having to force the issue, and hopefully she agrees with all the plans, but it is the best protection you can provide right now: giving her conditions (which I am sure you will keep reasonable and well within what she can comfortably do).

The fact that she doesn't want to go with you displays a healthy independent streak I think.

I know though, if I were moving to another country and I had a 17 year old daughter who wanted to stay here, I'd be very worried about letting her!

When I was about her age I spent most of my time online. The reason was because I was better able to express my thoughts and process information through text, and this allowed me to socialize with people in chatrooms without the usual communication barriers I had to deal with in "real life".

I actually think my time spent in the chatrooms proved invaluable to helping me develop my social skills, because it really allowed me to express myself and develop my thought process in a way that my difficulties in the "real world" did not allow me to do.

Lilome.
Drop the contract idea. Honestly speaking locking into somebody with an ASD with your idea of what should be done is a bad idea. It is a classic mistake. In fact I will tell you...you are making alot of mistakes her, and yes I am a bit more critical because I am one of those adults who has successfully transitioned. It took me longer, but by my late twenties I was completely independant.

Also, I know this from experience, having her on anxiety medications will not do a lick of good. Anxiety is hard wired into people with ASDs, the medication for the most part does not work. It is because of the accute lack of proper processing in certian areas. My advice, if you really want the anxiety to be reduced is to get a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. One who is not a psychiatrist, I think you seeking medication as a effective treatment is one of the most common mistakes parents make.

She needs to be social on her own terms, and a way that makes sense to her. You cannot force this.

Any transition into adulthood needs to be on her own terms, not yours, no concrete contract, no forcing to be social. I am telling you the plain truth of the situation, this will take absolute flexibility, absolute patience, and absolute tolerance and acceptance on your part. No terms, the terms will just frustrate her. You cannot dictate this. If you want a contract, have her draw it up, and ONLY her.

Also I would keep her out on her own, that is a major and needed step. Her being around the family was what was causing part of the stress, I know it did for me. Her being with her BF, in thier own apartment, is probably the best thing for her, even if she does not get out much. The very fact is the more she feels comfortable, the more she feels secure, the less skitish she will be and the more she may want to get out, but on her own terms. (Basically limited amount of time).

I am sorry to be so blunt about this, you have done some things right (SSRI) and some things wrong (Psychiatrist and drugs, instead of therapist (social worker or psychologist) and CBT. I could go on.

In terms of the computer gaming...I wish i had a solution. I don't like MMORPGs either, but I did have my shut in period in my life. But as somebody pointed out this may be a way that she is being social on her own terms.
I don't think she will be comfortable to leave her little shell, until she is comfortable to do it on her own. This is not something you can dictate, write up a contract about, or anything else.

The way to put this is "I will support school if you choose to go that route, but that is your choice which direction you go.
I don't think you being so isolated is good for you in the long run, and I think you should get out more, but you need to do it in a way that you can handle, but you should make that effort."
The therapist issue should be a suggestion, not a requirement, and you need to phrase it that way, and accept no may be an answer.
The last part is that if she wants to go to france, the option is open.

The very fact she has a boyfriend she lives with is good btw. The truth is alot of aspie women just find partners, get married, and kind of stay homebodies.