Anxiety

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Do any of your children suffer from anxiety? Especially during the teen years?

O yes, anxiety is a very common problem. Is there anything in particular you are interested in learning?

My daughter is nearly 18 and she has very severe anxiety and mild agoraphobia. Her blood pressure goes up when she has to go somewhere, like to the doctor thats how we noticed it, or someplace where there is a lot of people. When she was around 14 she started picking holes in her arms and legs, like a self stimulation to deal with stress. I know that my younger children who are also autistic have anxiety but I think it increases with age. I think most of my and my daughters social anxiety is caused more by the abuse that we suffered in school, and for me, in some of my jobs. Also we suffer from general anxiety which is caused by any number of things. For me and my daughter its mainly schedule changes, and our OCD issues...among many other things.

When you find yourself living on a planet full of people whom you can't understand or clearly communicate with, who all treat you as though you're not only strange and annoying but at best mildly disgusting, anxiety is pretty much a daily fact of life. This is what accounts for Autistic 'stimming' - repetitive physical motions that help deflect and work off some of the tension. If I didn't rock and sway constantly, I'd be screaming like a loon in no time at all and in a constant state of 'weeping and gnashing of teeth'.

Being left alone helps a lot. Being forced to interact with humans makes it worse. Suggestions that I medicate myself into a stupor only make me want to beat people about the head and shoulders.

If being around people causes anxiety, and your child has to go to school, how do you mitigate the anxious effects of school? My daughter is terrified of going to school. She begs and pleads with me everyday to let her stay home. How do I help her? She is mainstreamed. I am afraid of them putting her in the Sp Ed classroom because she is very bright. How can I ease the anxiety when she is in a classroom with 20 kids every day? What can I make the school do to help her? I am not able to quit my job to stay home with her.

Thanks.

Well, I guess I was curious as to how it manifests itself as the child gets older. For example, when our DD was little (1-5) she used to rock and hum (mainly in the car, bouncing her head off of the seat pretty harshly, I might add) and also on the couch or chairs, too. But, now I don't notice that anymore unless she is listening to music...sometimes she will sway a little and hum. Instead, now she has taken to rubbing the seam of her jeans between her fingers to the point that she creates holes in the material in only a few days. She says she is trying to stop, but doesn't notice when she is doing it. Also, she is very worried about her sisters (who are in college). She worries that maybe they are drinking, or something, and bad things will happen to them. She worries about her sisters all the time. She also gets really irritated quickly if questioned about her day at school. She says she doesn't like questions.

Thanks!

Part of it is being a teenager and part of it is anxiety. I found that I couldnt stim at school like I did at home because people made fun of me so I found other ways to do it. I also am a seam fiddler, I chew my nails and twist my fingers also run my fingers through my hair or rub the backs of my fingers against my mouth. You might try giving her some fiddle toys that she can keep in her pocket to use when she needs them. Tangles work well ( they have a soft one she might like that) and also strings of beads (you can make those yourself) or little stress balls. The best place to buy this kind of stuff is Office Playground http://www.officeplayground.com/. Also It helps aspies to write or draw their feelings this might be a better way to communicate. And sometimes its not what you say its how you say it when you ask her what is wrong. I would only resort to medication if she is self mutilating or her anxiety is causing a physical problem.
I use medication for myself but its my choice and Im an adult. I do not drug myself out of my mind like Willard suggests....I take some Ativan sometimes when I start to get upset and start worrying about things that I either have no control over or that dont even exist. This does nothing to my cognitive function it only calms my nerves and actually helps me think more clearly. I also use Valium for panic attacks and if you have ever had one of those you would understand the need I have....also this does not make me "cloudy" it helps me. To each his own, I guess. I dont like something I have to take everyday so I like my medication because I have the control...I take it when I need it.

Those tangles look fun... I think I might just get a few

You really can't mitigate it. Even Autistics have to learn to survive in the real world. Sometimes it's very hard, but one learns to do what one must and it gets easier over time. What I think is important, is that when a child with AS or HFA tells you they can't do something, that may seem simple to everyone else, you give them the benefit of the doubt and try help them find a work-around. But as far as going to school, interacting with others will rarely be among an Autistic's favorite activities, but you just have to do it. You learn to disappear into the corner and just observe, or lose yourself in your own thoughts.

Otherwise, you spend your life alone in your room, rocking and listening to the radio.

Good times.

My daughter is almost 7. I made her a chewy necklace to chew on because she was ruining all her clothes. The kids made fun of the necklace and she has asked me to see if she can chew gum. Does anyone see a problem with this? The school usually cooperates with what I suggest but will the other kids continue to pick on her if she gets gum? Is the chewing like rocking for her in dealing with the anxiety?

Chewing is a really common stim, and it seems to help the child both focus and deal with anxiety. The most socially appropriate answer we found is straws, and the school should be OK with your daughter bringing a supply of those. When my son was at the height of his chewing gum was discussed, and the school was open to it, but they were concerned about the negative exposure that would result from constantly explaining why he was allowed gum when no one else was.

So, straws.

But he still ruined all his shirts for quite a few years. And, then ... he seemed to find better ways to stim, all on his own (chewing his tongue has become a big one).

Would rubbing material be considered a stim, then?

Yes of the sensory input type.

She is missing all 4 of her front teeth, that is a whole other discussion (once she found out they came out she started pulling them out). Anyway, the straw wouldn't work while she is without teeth in the front. That is why she wants gum, I think. Anyway, today she took gum and they are letting her use it....I am very lucky to have a school so willing to work with my daughter. I had to threaten them with a complaint and since then they are compliant with whatever I ask.

Glad the gum seems to be an acceptable solution; hopefully it will work.

Not sure how the missing teeth would affect the straw chewing, however. We're talking straw chewing, not straw using. A piece of plastic tube that a child can move around his mouth, bend, twist, chew and maybe even tie in knots, not conntected to the comsumption of any liquid. Since straws are manufactured with the assumption they will enter a mouth, I prefer giving that my child over the many other things I've heard of (rings from the bottom of bottle caps, rulers, etc).

But, whatever works. Definitely not a one-size-fits-all situation.

As for the stress at school ... many AS kids do end up homeschooling for that reason. Since homeschool is not an option for you, I would work hard on getting sensory breaks scheduled in or increased, and having a safe place for her to run to without having to ask whenever she is stressed. Both help most kids learn to self-mitigate in that environment.

There are things that the teachers can do to stop the stigma of chewing gum. One of the things is to allow all of the kids to chew gum. The kids will think it is fun, but soon the novelty will wear off and they will not care. Also, there parents will get real tired of buying gum. The teacher can also have specific times of the day when the students are allowed to chew gum, like when they are doing individual work or recess and the students can learn about how to properly dispose of gum (they can read a book about littering). Don't let the teacher be a stick in the mud - this suggestion is not as absurd as you think, many school divisions pride themselves on being progressive and inclusive.