I was just reminded of a story.

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Some of you may know about my oldest son. He is on my mind a lot lately. He will be 23 in June and is spending yet another year (his second) in prison. In between he was only out a month before he started using heroin again. A few weeks ago he was diagnosed with Hepatitis C from sharing needles. I think its ok to post this here because I am and will always be his Mom....he even still calls me Mommy! Looking back I made so many mistakes with him and had I known, had I been given the help and education that is out there now, maybe his life would have been better. People always tell me that I did my best and I did go to extremes to do everything I could but If my son ends up dead some day, I dont know that I could forgive myself. He was diagnosed with early onset Bi Polar disorder when he was 12 but he was full on when he was only two. I could write a book on all the scary things he did. His own Father wont have anything to do with him. I have been beat up verbally by so many people because of my sons behavior and destruction but I hold on to the wonderful things that my son has done.
I was just reminded of a time when he was about 13 and he saved another boys life. I was living up in a small mountain community when I first left my husband. I drove one hour to work and back everyday while trying to raise three kids. My son had run away from the babysitter as usual and him and some other boys were pouring paint thinner on rocks by the creek and lighting them on fire. One of the boys tried to light the fluid while it poured from the container and it lit his head and arms on fire. All the other boys ran away but my son grabbed the kid and pushed him into the creek dousing the fire and then took him home to his parents. He suffered third degree burns and nearly died at the hospital. If my son had run like the other kids this boy surely would have died. It makes me cry to think about it. People always complaining how bad my son was and he did this and that and one person even told me that he was a sociopath, then I have these parents come to me and hug me and thank me for my son. Im thankful for my son and I hope that someday he sees that he is so intelligent that he can take apart a car and put it back together without any instruction and that he did something that most people never have the opportunity to do....he saved a life. I know my son uses drugs to numb his pain and I wish that I could take away his pain but I cant. I can only hope and keep telling him that he can do it and that I love him.
I hope that society keeps learning and improving so we can better understand mental illness in kids as well as autism, aspergers, adhd, and add.

I applaud your courage in the face of this bitter world, and I thank you for telling us about the life that your son saved. I feel at a deeply personal level that this is heartening. Thank you.

Thank you ....I feel better about sharing it. I was kind of nervous about it. Everyone always tells me I talk to much or give out too much information but if my sons life would help anyone that would be wonderful, to him and me.

We all have a purpose but mostly we don't find out exactly what it is. Did you read The Five People You Meet In Heaven? I thought it was great - the point is that we don't get to connect all the dots in this life, but that yes, we have a purpose.

What a nice story to read. That family is forever thankful for your son...I hope things get better for him...I know my sons pre k teacher has a 22 year old daughter with bi-polar disorder and she's often talked to me about it. Not an easy thing to live with. Thanks for sharing.

That is a wonderful story about your son Liloleme. I hope that he is able to find healing and happiness one day.

Try not to give up hope and just keep loving him and praying for him. His life definitely has a purpose. Also, try not to blame yourself so much for this. His condition is out of your control......Maybe you can remind him of the story of him saving the boy's life, and that will renew his sense of purpose.

I was just thinking I should send him a letter and remind him of that story and remind him of the time he risked going to jail by calling an ambulance and waiting with a friend who has overdosed....I guess you could say he saved two lives...unfortunately I have no idea what happened to his friend, if she stopped using or not. Also he never told me about any of this stuff it was other people. Like I heard about the boy getting burned as we lived in a really small community but I had no idea it was my son who helped him until the parents came to me. Another friend of his who was worried about him once told me about the girl overdosing and how he stayed with her risking the police taking him away. I promise never to give up hope but its hard as a parent not to blame yourself. I could make up excuses, I was young, I didnt know and on and on but when I think back on it I was focusing more on his being "bad" instead of the the "why?". I have, at least, learned how to help him without enabling him to use drugs.
Claradoon, I will look up that book....and thank you to everyone.

Everybody is conceived with a purpose.