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zeldapsychology
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25 May 2010, 9:16 am

I am 24 and as such look back at my childhood and look for things related to my AS. I thought I'd ask here since this is the parent board and parents can give me insight into there childs behavior.

1) Is your child lost in there own world/interest? (I didn't have many friends or back then wanted many friends me and mom were talking the other day and she said I was into my own thing and didn't have many friends because of that. (Goosebumps,Power Rangers,etc. I had to have EVERY TOY! Also I wasn't into the teen magazines and played with toys into my teens.)

2)Has your child been taken advantage of or YOU as an adult Aspie been taken advantage of? Examples: Hey Brandy go say Bench to the teacher 3 times real fast (BTW sounds like b***h I didn't know that was a bad word teacher took my wrist walked me to the principals office and the kids who told me to say that were snickering/laughing! :-( Secondly as an adult my College professor upset me instead of calming me down a friend said hey *insert violence here* I agreed as a joke we both LOL! and then he tells school/teacher suspended a year. (Now just going back after 5 YEARS!)


Do these two things sound like experiences you/your child has had?

Thanks.



MsLeeLoo
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25 May 2010, 9:21 am

The first one yes for sure. My daughter (age 9) def. has her own interests and doesn't seem overly interested in widening her social circle. Since she's not distressed about it, I'm not about to be, either. She's into Hello Kitty, drawing, and Pokemon (ok, everyone in the family is into Pokemon, myself included hehe).

As for being taken advantage of, I'd say less so on this, but she's also 9 and her school is pretty aware of her AS and has some good policies on bullying, etc. I could see it happening at some point, though.



zeldapsychology
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25 May 2010, 9:25 am

Yes but MsLeeLoo is she going to be like me an alone adult? Wishing she had friends like insert other person? Of course I was homeschooled so as one of my (2 friends) said I didn't have face/face interaction and surely I'd have high school friends if I would have stayed in school. (Which IMO she's probably right.) She asked if I stayed in contact with my Elementary friends I said I've tried one went off to College/soccer another on Myspace hasn't logged in since Jan. I hope she makes friends in Middle/high school so she's not a lonely adult wishing she had friends as an adult. :-(



MsLeeLoo
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25 May 2010, 10:42 am

I understand what you're saying zelda, but at the same time, as a parent just how much do I feel comfortable foisting sociability upon her? Currently she sometimes plays with kids at recess, and other times she goes off by herself. She doesn't really have "friends" in the traditional sense at school at the moment, but it doesn't mean she's never going to have friends either. Also, as a woman, I think we tend to be overly socialized to be people pleasers/highly yielding in our dealings with other people, and while compromise and understanding is a good thing, I don't want to force personality traits on her either-- in fact, Im afraid it'd be harmful than good. In the end though, even a lot of NT folks are introverts (like myself) and not everyone has the same social needs as others. Right now my daughter is nine and my main concern is finding a way to make school bearable for her rather than whether or not she'll have a social circle as an adult. I know it's possible she won't have much of one when she is an adult, but it's also quite possible she will-- but I don't think that necessarily means that friends=happiness either. Sometimes it can be quite the opposite, depending on the quality of those friendships!

But seriously though, HUGS to you. I've been in several isolated situations in my past before (including now moving to a new nation and living out in the country) and it isn't easy for sure. But I've also been in situations where an abundance of friends can be just as difficult.



zeldapsychology
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25 May 2010, 10:49 am

Thank You. I agree with my friend if I would of stayed in school I would of made friends. When going back to College IMO I want to focus on my studies/degree and if I make friends great if not fine. I'm there FOR THE KNOWLEDGE! Not a social circle (Plus as mom said you leave the state college what then go to University and never see those friends again.) We'll see what happens when I return to College. I'm going to try not to be so pushy/obsessive (example Oh hey call you 24/7 OH lets hang out etc. etc.) Kind of let YOU make the first move CALL ME! Ask to hang out WITH ME! and let friendships develop like that. One friend said if they don't accept me for who I am they aren't friends (she's right) :-) We'll see what happens.



MsLeeLoo
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25 May 2010, 10:59 am

Hey you never know, you may make some great friends there as well- it usually happens when you least expect it. I've been told I'm a bit "scary" in person and intimidate folks in real life, but every once in a while someone crosses my path and they stick with me over the years. I don't think I really kept university friends (except one) because I hopped around and transfered to several of them over the years, but I've met people in some unlikely places, such as a gym I used to go to, and a job I trained for only briefly.

Homeschooling may have played a part of it, I can see that. I went to a private school on scholarship myself when I was in elementary school, and I think it had a lasting negative affect on making friends in my own neighborhood (I remember one brood of kids exclaiming that I was going to a different school because I was mentally deficient, but ironically it was a school for the gifted LOL). But you know, I consider myself NT and I tell you I'm way down there when it comes to "social skills" myself a lot of times.

I hope you have a great time with your studies and try not to worry too much about relationships with people. Sometimes those people aren't worth all the worry



Kiley
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25 May 2010, 12:38 pm

Zelda,

I think those things are more true of me than of my kids and their in the spectum and I'm not. I don't know if spectrum kids are more likely to get into those kinds of situations or not. I do think there are more complex issues involved. They are boys, which might help as little boys aren't always as mean as little girls. My kids have had more trouble from teachers who were hostile about their differences than other kids. They've also had some incredible teachers.



liloleme
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25 May 2010, 12:40 pm

Considering we do not understand social cues and rules it is easy for us to be manipulated by nasty people who think it is funny or just want to take things from us. I have had several people take advantage of me and manipulate me...sometimes even my own kid (my adult son). My daughter was "used" by some girls in middle school who were stealing her money and making her do things that got her into trouble. She wanted friends so bad and she really believed that they were her friends. It took awhile for me to convince her that they werent and help her to understand what they were doing. When she wanted to know why the only thing I could tell her was that some people are just cruel like that. Its really hard to take when you are young. The only way to protect you from people like that is to have someone around who does understand and can point things out to you.
Im sorry people have done these things to you....this is why parents should teach their children to be respectful of other people, to treat people the way they want to be treated. I think this type of abuse needs to be addressed and prevented.



Last edited by liloleme on 25 May 2010, 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mgran
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25 May 2010, 1:10 pm

[quote="zeldapsychology"]I am 24 and as such look back at my childhood and look for things related to my AS. I thought I'd ask here since this is the parent board and parents can give me insight into there childs behavior.

1) Is your child lost in there own world/interest?

Yes, he gets lost in his head when thinking about his various special interests, and can hyper focus to a degree that is actually very good for him in some ways. (When practicing an instrument for example.) But despite that his ability to "vanish" does cause social problems, people think he's being rude, but he really can't hear them.

2)Has your child been taken advantage of or YOU as an adult Aspie been taken advantage of?

Yes, and it's caused him a lot of misery. I also have been taken advantage of, even within the last twelve months at work, and it's pretty much destroyed my confidence in myself or my trust in people.



angelbear
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25 May 2010, 2:17 pm

My son is still very young (almost 5) He has no desire to have a friend. When I ask him if he thinks friends are nice, he will say no. When I ask him if he likes to play with other kids, he says "can I play with me? I am my friend." It does cause me to worry, but over time and after reading a lot here on WP, I have decided to back off of it, and just present him with opportunities to be around kids. I hope that one day he will be able to make a friend. But right now, he is happiest playing by himself, doing his own thing, or playing with adults.

As far as the second thing, he is too young, but I hope and pray these things do not happen. If I find out he is being bullied or made fun of too much, I will not hesitate to homeschool him.

My advice to you is to just go to school and like you said, focus on your studies. Maybe if you join a group of something that you are interested in, you will meet a friend that way. Good luck, and try not to worry too much!



willaful
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25 May 2010, 4:06 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
I
1) Is your child lost in there own world/interest?

2)Has your child been taken advantage of or YOU as an adult Aspie been taken advantage of?


These were both quite true of me as a child. The first is pretty true of my son... I don't know about the second, he is usually pretty well supervised, so I don't know if the opportunities have come up. I remember overhearing the neighbor kids ask if he wanted to see something cool while he was playing outside, and my mind instantly went to a bad place. Turned out they taught him a new scooter trick. I felt really bad about having been suspicious, but I was a vulnerable, gullible child and left on my own a lot, so was easy prey.


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mgran
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27 May 2010, 7:01 am

My son was taken advantage of this very week. A group of boys at school kept hitting and kicking him... what upset him most was that they would then say they were sorry, then kick him again. He said he felt like an idiot, and everyone must think he was a fool.

As you can imagine, I've reported the incident, and one kid at the school, God love them, wrote the name of all the boys down. Last incident like this two boys were excluded.



zeldapsychology
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27 May 2010, 8:38 am

mgran wrote:
My son was taken advantage of this very week. A group of boys at school kept hitting and kicking him... what upset him most was that they would then say they were sorry, then kick him again. He said he felt like an idiot, and everyone must think he was a fool.

As you can imagine, I've reported the incident, and one kid at the school, God love them, wrote the name of all the boys down. Last incident like this two boys were excluded.



OMG! HEY! I had a friend like this! he was a bully hitting me etc. then I'd say Jason I'm NOT going to be your friend anymore I'm going to go play with Dallas. NO please I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (begging GROVELING on his KNEES!) I forgave (rinse/repeat incident!) Later in 5th grade I heard he was diagnosed ADD (or something like that and taken out of that school) Oddly I ran into him in College! We caught up exchanged numbers and I chatted with him. He apologized for his childish ways and we hugged hey how have you been etc.