Potty Training Issues

Post Reply New Topic

Hey guys -

My kid is almost seven years old, and he still poops in his pants. Constantly. We do "toilet sits," and if we get lucky timing, he'll go in the toilet. But he never tells us he has to go. I've asked him many times why he does this, and tried to get to the bottom of it - but he was always evasive and noncommittal.

Finally, the other day, I caught him in the right mood, I guess. Here's how the conversation went:

ME: Why do you keep pooping in your pants?

HIM: I don't know.

ME: What happens when you feel like you have to go?

HIM: I don't know.

ME: I'm not mad at you. I'm just trying to figure this out. I just want the truth, that's all. Do you know what the truth is?

HIM: I should go in the potty.

ME: No, that's what I expect. I just want you to be honest with me, okay? You're not going to be in trouble.

HIM: Okay.

ME: So, what happens when you feel like you have to go?

HIM: I don't know.

ME: Okay, well, what does it feel like when you have to go?

HIM: I don't know.

ME: Do you know when you have to go?

HIM: No.

It was here that I thought I might be onto something.

ME: When do you know that you've pooped in your pants?

HIM: When I see it.


Is it possible that he can't feel it, and it is just coming out? What do I do? Has anyone had anything like this?

Thanks,
Rick

It's totally possible. At 43 I still have issues where I always have to run for the toilet because I can't recognize the signs that I will have to go until the very last minute.

Help him recognize how it feels to have to go and work with him to learn to recognize those signs sooner and sooner. See a doctor to see if there's any problems with the actual nerves, but my guess is that the sensations are there, he just isn't recognizing them.

Often, when I realize I am feeling discomfort, I have to go through a mental checklist: am I too hot? too cold? have to go to the bathroom? have a headache? Have I eaten? and so forth because it can be difficult for me to recognize bodily sensations and identify them without actively thinking about it.

I have the same problem, due to nerve and muscle damage. I've strained through my childhood years, pooping on the toilet, before I left the house, so that I wouldn't get in trouble. All those years have caused a lot of nerve and muscle damage.

Three years ago, my mum asked me, why I wouldn't spend the night, at her place. I told her that I was afraid that I wouldn't make it through the night, because I need to wear Depends. She asked me these questions:

"Do you wet the bed?" "No."

"Do you have your period?" "No."

"Do you have diarrhea?" "No"

"Than why?" "I have a soiling problem."

Than she told me that that's no reason not to spend the night.

Good for your Mum Cockney Rebel. It's a medical problem that you have no reason to be ashamed of.

My middle son has had a lot of trouble with that. We tried the GFCF diet. He has AS but his symptoms aren't very problematic and we had no reason to use the diet for that, just to see if giving his gut a break from difficult to digest things would help him. We also took him off all artificial flavors and colors, and he still is more or less permanently (with occasional lapses, which is fine). It took about four months for the pooping to get under control and we stayed on the diet for 6 mos. He's slowly gone back onto gluten and cassen without a problem. Artificial stuff is really hard to digest so we are going to make that a more permanent change, just not going for absolute perfection at all times.

He also had trouble with urination. An Urologist put him on a low dose of a mild antidepressant at bedtime to relax him. He'd checked his bladder muscles with an ultrasound and found they were overly developed. After a couple of years of that his muscles relaxed and he no longer has trouble with wetting.

Could it be that he is so absorbed in what he is doing that he doesn't want to stop to go to the bathroom? My son is almost 5, and I noticed he was doing that for awhile. It has stopped for now, but who knows if he will start it again. I just kept reminding him that it was time to take a potty break.

sorry, had to delete...was too embarrassed about sharing childhood stuff.

Last edited by liloleme on 04 Jun 2010, 2:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Hi Rick,
yes... it is possible that he doesn't know it's happening. I had the EXACT same thing with my son, we finally figured out that when he's engrossed in something he literally becomes absorbed so much that he can't notice anything else. Once we realised this, things became much easier. He now only soils himself very rarely, when he's under a lot of stress at school. (Okay, he's fourteen, but he's down to once every four or five months, so MASSIVE improvement.)
Here's something for you to think about... when we realised that my son didn't physically notice his need to toilet, or the fact that he'd soiled, we paid more attention to other things... and realised that if we didn't tell him, he wouldn't eat or drink. Imagine how shocked I was to discover, one hot summers day 2003 that my son woke up, started reading his books, played with the cat, read his books, played chess, played with the cat... and by three pm had not eaten, drunk, or expressed any desire to do so. We'd planned on leaving it to see how long it took him to notice, but when he started complaining of nausea and a headache, you betcha we fed and watered him. (3pm, and I felt like a negligent mother.)
You'll probably find that other things like that won't have registered, because at seven you're used to organising his day for him. But it might be an idea to start figuring ways to help him organise himself. Life is much easier now that he's a fourteen year old with a set ritual to feed, water and poop.
I feel awful saying all this... he's a LOVELY boy, with friends, a social life, very intellectual, etc etc.
But life will still be easier if you accept that certain physical signals don't get through the white noise.

I'll admit, i had that same issue . . . sadly, it took a case of appendicitis and a rush for surgery at the hospital to get me to "poop" (if one doesnt go, feces can clog up the appendix). For me, it wasnt so much pain, but about the fact that my body produced something so disgusting/foul . . . i didnt want to have to touch it, even if a piece of toilet paper kept my hands from it. I havent even told my parents this little fact (course i didnt get my Asperger's Dx until late 2008 at age 28). :oops: