Where are all the Fathers?

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I was tempted to title this post "Who's Yo Daddy" but I just couldn't bring myself to...

I just wanted to let everyone know that throughout the month of June, www.welcome-to-normal.com (my blog) will be featuring some really raw, profoundly insightful interviews with Fathers of high-needs children. The series began today with an interview with 'Father of Four' who opens up about some really difficult and important fatherhood issues.

The series is meant to shine a light on the uniquely male perspective of fathers, one that I think is often missing from much of the internet discourse. Obviously, mothers have a huge role to play and wisdom to share, but I've been reading so many complaints from moms recently, who are disappointed in their husbands' lack of involvement or understanding, that I wanted to highlight fathers who are making the effort, because I know they're out there. I wanted to give them an opportunity to share their personal journeys, so that mothers AND fathers of kids with special needs could learn from their insights.

The next interview to go up will be with wrongplanet's very own DenvrDave, so I hope you'll check out the series

And btw - thanks for tolerating all these 'guess what new amazing thing is on my blog' posts lately - I do hope they don't come off as self-promotional. I'm hoping to promote ideas and discussion, rather than my specific blog

Great idea, Caitlin and I'll read your blog! DenvrDave is a real favorite too. Just thinking.....your blog site link could make a nice Father's Day gift (Better than a skill saw)?

In private, I do not like Father's Day. My father (my favorite person?) died when I turned 12 after a 4 year illness. But I'll read your blog with interest.

I watched Autism Hangout once with Craig Evans and he's a father of one with Autism as well - I bet you'd like his video interview program. He interviewed author Olga Bogdashina!

I'm back with the link for Autism Hangout and maybe Craig Evans will give you some ideas/inspiration. Plus, his program is fun to listen - I love his "Lake Woebegon" personality (noting you're Canadian here!): http://www.autismhangout.com/

Well one of those silent fathers would be me i quess Just to busy with work and family to write a lot on the internet.

So far we (my wife and I) have worked together in helping our son, but on different fronts. My wife is mainly involved in school and other external parties. In the netherlands we have something called PGB which means something like personal budget, which is a huge amount of money (over 16000 euros for 2 of our children) which we can spend on external help like caretakers, weekends for our children, extra help on school, everything that helps then to cope with autism) My wife is taking care of that part.

But in home we act together in the way we talk to and with our children. Together we think of ways to make life easier for them and the world a bit better understandable.

(Hope this all makes sense, one of the reasons i do not write that much is the time i need to actually write, english is not native and it shows )

^ You might like Craig Evan's site (I gave the link above your post) - it's in English though and no Dutch translation.


Caitlin, I just explored your site - great job! 5 stars. I like your compilations. One I know (Queensland, Australia) who has her own site might be interested to look at yours. If I may, I'll give her your link.

BTW: That Calvin & Hobbes comic is.........sad/hard to look at. But I love Calvin & Hobbes.

Lab Pet, thank you! By all means, feel free to share my blog with anyone you like. I'm going out of town for a few days but wil check that site you mentioned when I get back.

Gabberkooij - I think the reason most of the voices we hear on the web are moms, is because many of us with special needs are still at home, which does afford us the flexibility to share our experiences here. Many dads do not have that flexibility or perhaps, just don't feel as comfortable with the medium. But I'm glad you posted here because I think it helps just to have dads get more visibility. You also shared some really crucial info about how your country is supporting your family financially so your kids can get the services they need - I think people in other parts of the world need to be educated about how different countries approach these issues, as it opens our eyes to the possibilities, and what we shouldn't be settling for.

As a broad generalization, men aren't social chatters like women are. The internet is a tool, not a way to make new personal connections. Forums being a personal connection type thing, they appeal more to women than to men, as a broad generalization. But I totally enjoy all the men who come and join in.

As for promoting your blog, no worries, you are an active member and, as you said, it's part of the discourse, not just promotion. If you rarely joined in conversation outside of your own threads, that would be a different matter. But, since you are active here otherwise, I think it's OK.

Now, off to read the blog

Hi, I'm a parent to a child with autism spectrum tendencies. I'm in a somewhat unique position of working with kids who are on the autism spectrum (and also some adults), and I am also a Dad. It's the inspiration for my choosing to focus a lot of my clinical practice on this area. The best thing about being a Dad/parent of a child with autism spectrum is that it makes me realize how gifted these kids are, and how clueless I am much of the time

Thanks for that Caitlin, your blog is excellent I just bookmarked it. I'm another Dad of an Autistic boy.

Most forums are actually full of men, and on more than one occasion, I've seen them ask "Where are all the women?"

On a rather consistent basis, science forums, stamp collecting forums, coin collecting forums, anime forums, political forums, religion forums, car forums, game forums, all generally tend to be almost entirely devoid of women, with a small exception to the last one.

Which as a woman, always leaves me wondering...what the hell do other women talk about????

So I decided to do a little research and found....
Most cat forums are exclusively women, as well as most cat rescues.
Most health forums also have a very large number of women.
Most child care forums are almost exclusively women.
Food forums are largely women but there are a considerable number of men as well.
Gardening forums have a large number of men and women.

But generally speaking, women seem to prefer forums which involve caring for or doing something which benefits others in some way, while men might read them, but rarely participate. Men seem to prefer participating in forums which involve personal hobbies, making things, or being right.

My husband is online a lot but not in parenting related sites. But he is a terrific and very involved father. Even though I'm a stay-at-home mom, he does a full share of the parenting.

where is he? at home with the kids! i work full time so he is mostly a stay at home dad with a little part time work on the side (he works around their school and my work schedule). he works less in summer when they are home and little more in winter when they are in school. he is aspie himself with a lot of social anxiety, so we switched roles a few years ago (used to be him working full time and me stay at home/part time work). he is a good dad and the kids adore him. admittedly he does have a few aspie tendencies that can make parenting difficult, but overall he does a good job.

as for why he isnt on the forums.... its not one of his special interests =P and getting an aspie to participate in something they arent really interested in... well you know how that goes!

Father here. I am a dx'd aspie with a NT daughter and a AS son. The responsibility of raising the son largely falls on me. My wife can not figure him out and gets frustrated. Where I can read him like a book. He's a mini version of me. I know hwat worked for me and what didn't so I know the pitfalls to avoid.

They, both mine and my boys' are on the other side of the Atlantic. Neither have been seen for a couple of years.

New daddy here of 3 Autistic Children. Our daughter Elayna is 7, our son DJ is 4.5 yrs, and our son Austin is 3. I just want to say that I absolutely love my kids.... they are the rays of sunshine in my life. Elayna is a little diva. DJ is a charmer. Austin is so laid back and just chills.... i think he will become a surfer or a beach comber..... LOL....

I am proud of each of them and love watching them grow up.

My two autistic kids are grown up and living on their own. Now I am waiting to see if my grandchildren are on the spectrum.