Parents of an Aspie Agressive/Explosive 17 year old

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Does anyone have a child who's extremely high functioning (so much that you can't tell he has it), who is intellectually bright, knows all about correct ways to behave and deal in moments; however, still behaves like a Bully towards peers, staff, and family?
Our son got diagnosed at 13 and is now 17. He is showing much gains in many other areas all except with his aggression and bullying. It is so much that he is now in trouble with the law. We are afraid for him and his future because after much coaching, proper parenting, and extensive support he is still not getting the magnitude of his actions, and the cause and effect his actions are having on his life. Would LOVE to hear anyone's support with this as hubby and I feel so alone with this as parents.

Sorry to hear about your son's troubles. I can't relate, but I am curious as to a few things.

How much freedom vs structure would you say he has? I'm guessing that he has some amount of freedom if he can get away with bullying without being caught right away.

You say that he doesn't seem to understand the magnitude of his actions - what consequences has he faced for his behavior in the past?

What kind of punishment is he looking at due to his legal troubles? Is there a punishment available that might offer a more structured environment? I'm not sure what there is for minors, but I know of halfway houses for adults where they monitor everything you do, make you work and pay for room and board, etc. I'm bringing this up because you seem to be admitting that your son isn't suceeding in the current environment that he's in (which includes your care). Perhaps the system could provide an alternate environment that might suit him better.

Could your expectations for him be too high? Many of us are high-functioning and rarely exhibit our symptoms in public but that doesn't mean that the mental processes that cause those symptoms aren't still there.

Hello there

For starters welcome to the forum.

Secondly, it is somewhat hard to give advice without more information. You say that he is aggressive and bullies? What exactly do you mean by that?

Does your child intentionally harm, and mistreat other people for his own enjoyment?

Does your child get frustrated easily, and take his frustration out on people nearby?

Does your child plan out these attacks and look for signs of weakness, or is his aggression more of a reaction to the environment?

The problem is that how you handle aggression depends on what causes it. If the person is intentionally malicious and predatory, then that is a flaw on their part. It isn't a result of society, or improper parenting, and as such there isn't much you can do about it. Your son is going to need to be the one to change, and as such he will need to do it for himself and by himself, there isn't much you can do. The only advice I would give is to let him suffer the consequences of his actions. That might force him to re-evaluate his life, and come to the conclusion that being predatory isn't in his best interest

Conversely, if your child is merely reacting to the environment and getting too stressed out, overwhelmed, and frustrated (leading to the lashing out) then giving him harsher penalties and discipline isn't going to help. What he needs is to learn how to remain calm, avoid problematic situations, and find better ways to deal with his frustration.

So, really I would love to give you more, but I really can't without more details.