Am I the one on the wrong planet?

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FYI - we have no ASD diagnosis at this time, waiting for the neuropsych visit.

I've had a lot of problems with my 9 year old son in the past two years that have escalated to the point that our daily functioning is severely impared. He has always had all the symptoms but they got a million times worse and he got a lot bigger.

I took him to a psychologist for therapy. He was having rages that would last for hours. The rage would start over his pants or shoes or glasses not 'feeling right'. He always had these reactions to stuff on his skin, but the tantrums used to last 30 min. These were much worse and intense. First it was only screaming at the top of his lungs for hours, now it is 'I hate you!', throwing stuff, most recently trying to grab a knife.

After a year of therapy, the therapist telling me his sensory stuff was mood related, and a 'Mood Disorder NOS' diagnosis, we had made NO progress. One day during a rage we ended up in the ER it was so severe. The psychiatrist, nurse and social worker all suggested I take him for an ASD evaluation.

I said 'what? my son does not have autism!'. I thought he had a mood disorder NOS (haha at 'nos') or the word 'bipolar' had been thrown out too by the psychologist, although not a formal diagnois.

We went to a psychiatrist last week and she presribed Abilfy, starting at 1mg and increasing by 1mg every day until there is a change or until we get to 5mg. We are at 2mg right now and I see a HUGE positive change.

I told my family about what the ER docs said. They all said 'YES! Everything makes sense now!' and started listing off the symptoms they had noticed since he was a child. Me? I am still confused. Austism spectrum? My child is "normal" to me. Sure he has his quirks. But who doesn't?

The other thought - He is almost 10 years old. Is it POSSIBLE that I could be that blind??? That he has Austism or Spectrum disorder and I missed it? Here are some noteable things my family brought up:

-he has no friends outside of school and no desire for them (I thought he was just a homebody/introvert)
-prefers to be alone, play solo (I thought it is just conicidental that the games he likes are solo games)
-he chews on his shirt collar constantly - they are all wripped with holes right there (no logic for this one)
-chews on nails all the time, till they bleed (thought it was just a bad habit)
-confirmed highly superior IQ (great! he's smart! a lot of smart kids are a bit quirky)
-feels extreme discomfort from most clothings/other stuff that touches his skin (ok, a lot of gifted kids have sensory issues)
-hugs and touching are extremely uncomfortable for him - he looks very uncomfortable (I thought it was some kind of sensory disorder)
-doesn't look people in the eye unless he knows them really well (I thought he was shy)
-used to walk on tippy toes when little (I thought he was pretending to be a teletubby and that is what I told people)
-if you (for example) say 'hand me the book over there' and there is only one book in the room, he will not seem to understand/find it (even if you point in the general direction), instead you must say 'Turn around and look at the table that is next to the red couch. On the table there is a yellow book. Would you hand it to me?' (This has annoyed me to no end, but I figured it was normal???)

The list could go on and on. In fact, when he was a toddler I specifically remember one of my good friends and his mom ASKING me if he had autism (while he was pretending to be a teletubby) and I was totally offended and said NO!

Yes, I do see all these things, but I can't imagine these relate to autism....do they?

Sorry if I am using any of the wrong terminology. I am not well educated on this topic.

Thank you.

Sure you could be that blind, I sure was about middle son.

With all the mood disorder stuff going on it would be easy to focus on that and miss the ASD. ASDs aren't always a big problem. Many of us feel they aren't a disorder and shouldn't be cured.

I always knew my eldest was not typical but we didn't get him diagnosed until 8/9 (I keep saying 9, but I think it was . He was always moody, but not as violent as your son. He had a lot of melt downs over sensory stuff but didn't really strike out at other people. He'd cry and refuse to do things. Now he's 13 and he's got Asperger's, ADHD, Bi-Polar (possibly psychtypal) and Psychotic Disorder-NOS (hallucinations and delusions since the age of 9).

Meanwhile I didn't notice Middle Son's Asperger's at all. It never caused any problems, until he was about 11 and started to struggle more socially. Looking back I realize how incredibly obvious it was, but it wasn't ever problematic and I just never thought it through.

What's normal? Who doesn't have some unusual charactaristics? Asperger's isn't a bad thing, it's just one flavor of different...or a whole rainbow of different flavors because Aspies vary so much from person to person. Don't be put off by the Autism thing. It's just another kind of different.

Your son sounds a lot like me when I was a boy. I had to wait a VERY long time until I found out I was on the wrong planet. He is lucky that you're seeing it when he is nine.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I hope you will be staying for a while for your sons sake. Your list of notable things are somewhat normal here.

If he does not have loose clothes like sweat pants/shorts and loose tshirts, he proably would appreciate them. I am sure he has a couple of sets of clothes he wears over and over. Those are a hint as to what he finds comfortable. He probably hates the tags too. The clothes things probably get worse when he has a growth spurt.

I have people looks for thing for me that I know I should be able to see but cant find. At work once in a while, I will ask one of my co workers to find something in my office. I will show them a 5 foot area and they will immediately give it to me. They are used to it now. Everyone knows better than to send me to look for something unless it is in its specific location. On the other hand, I can find things they can't too, because I look in strange places where I might have put it instead of where it belongs.

It can be really hard to swallow when the term first comes up, I know. Been there, done that. But the image we have of autism is where the inaccuracy is, not how we see our children. Once you really understand what being on the spectrum means, you start to see how it fits your special child, and how the knowledge can help you solve the mystery of why the seemingly smallest things can cause a meltdown. Autism isn't always a bad thing; it just "is," and many many famous, brilliant, successful and "quirky" people are now believed to have it.

Given how many members here have families in complete denial, and that want to attribute every issue the child has to poor parenting instead, I consider it really positive that your relatives are open to the potential diagnosis. It's better than being mentally ill, as it is far more controllable; and it is much better than having the world think you just don't know how to discipline your child.

From your list, I think there is a good chance the emergency room personnel pegged it. Don't be afraid of it; you are being handed a set of keys, and your wonderful child is still the same, wonderful child he has always been.

Thank you for having enough respect for your son to post your questions and look for answers! I hope my parents will be as willing to accept my AS when it does eventually come out into the open! By the way, I was 43 when I was diagnosed and my parents are in their 70's.

Good luck to your family!

Thank you to everyone for your responses! I don't know what the diagnosis will be...but I am sitting here thinking, what if he has ASD and he was ALMOST diagnosed as biploar?!?! How horrible would that be? Yes, I would absolutely rather have my son be autistic than bipolar. There is much more research, acceptance, funding, assistance, and knowledge available for ASD than childhood bipolar.

A few months ago I attempted yet another behavior plan (which of course didn't work). It has a chart of how much play time (computer game programming - the only thing he ever does) he will lose for each behavior such as 'Being Rude', 'Yelling', 'Yelling more than 10 Minutes', etc... Because he always says he doesn't know or can't control these behaviors, I also wrote down the definition of each. I wrote:

What is being Rude?

-Acting mad for no reason
-Not responding to people
-Not saying hello/goodbye
-Irritated tone of voice
-Not participating
-Talking back
-Not looking at someone when they are speaking to you
-Not looking at someone when you are speaking to you

Wow...maybe he really can't control these things...'not looking at someone', 'not saying hello/goodbye', etc...

Have any of you, or your children, experienced the long rage episodes in reaction to things? Sensory stuff?

Anyway, I just got a call back from the neuropsych and we have a half day appt and full day appt scheduled for the end of July.

I never had a problem with my kid not fitting in. I feel strongly that kids/people don't need to fit in and fitting in is over rated. ASD or not, I think he is fine the way he is, but some of these behaviors are obviously because he is in pain or discomfort (rages, chewing, etc...), and those need to be addressed.

And yes, my vision of autism has always been the kid that just sits there spinning stuff, has no facial expressions, doesn't talk and won't let anyone touch him ever.

The medication was a last resort. It was after over a year of therapy, violence to the point of us being unsafe, and almost losing my job before I even considered it.

I think we are in about the same place - my daughter is 8 and has many similar issues. We've also heard bi-polar disorder (seems to be a trendy sort of diagnosis lately, IMO), ADHD, anxiety disorder, PDD-NOS and Asperger's. In some of the reading that I have done, I have seen that there can be co-morbid diagnoses of Asperger's and bi-polar disorder. I really think that it takes a specially trained eye (especially in younger kids) to distinguish different diagnoses, as many have overlapping symptoms and if you're on the mild end of the autistic spectrum, some of the symptoms may seem to be indiciative of something else.
So, to futher the OP question - do you know of anyone who has a dual diagnosis of BPD/Asperger's or autism?
My second question is this: It appears that they use many of the same meds to help control outbursts - without real thought into the cause (Bi-polar vs. autism) - at least that has been our experience. However, underlying the outbursts is the actual "cause" and I would think that they stem from different sources. My understanding of bi-polar is that it is primarily a chemical/neurotransmitter imbalance. To be honest, I'm not sure if there is a definitive cause for most instances of autism? For some types, there clearly is, I think (I'm thinking of a metabolic disorder?). So, to get to my question - would the approach that you take to help manage outbursts be different for someone with autism vs. someone with bi-polar disorder? Further, I think that a lot of the same meds are also prescribed for someone with a general "emotional impairment" diagnosis. To me, EI is distictly different that austim and the approach you would take to help manage behaviors? I know I'm rambling here and probably not making any sense - can someone please enlighten me?

I can tell you that I went to the psychiatrist with the sole purpose of treating the symptoms so that I can treat the disorder - whatever the disorder is - ASD, BP, MD, whatever. I know that until I can control his rage, he cannot learn how to properly cope. In the mental state he has been in, nothing would ever work. He can't think clearly.

a lot of those things you list are commonly seen in spectrum kids. my 4 yr old son shares some of them such as the lack of eye contact, no friends, prefers to play alone, toe walking. we knew he was different since birth but had denied the possibility of autism until this past fall. silly us =)

i also have a 13 yr old son who is currently away visiting relatives for the summer but when he comes home we are doing some evaluations for him. he shares a lot of traits with his younger brother who has the aspergers diagnosis, and has always been what we called "difficult". im not so sure hes on the spectrum, but he definitely has some sensory issues and attention issues. btw, the last thing you list about finding the book, that is EXACTLY how my oldest is. and yes, it gets so frustrating when he cant find the elephant standing in front of his nose!

You're totally describing my autistic son.

Except for the rages.

However, he was diagnosed at 3 so I've learned how to work with him.

As he gets older I've noticed that he stays angry about things long past when they are over. But he can snap out of things fairly easily. I like to think part of that is that I've been working with him since he was little to name his feelings and talk about how he feels.

Also, I am extremely intuitive and can head things off before they escalate.

Sorry, I went off there.

It will be such a relief for your family and your boy to get the proper diagnosis. From what you wrote, I have no doubt that he as aspergers. I would be shocked if he doesn't get the diagnosis.

And, no, all the "rude" things you listed wouldn't come naturally for him. They are all challenging and he needs support to learn them like a foreign language.

DW-- really brilliant description of what it's like....

Talking about the meds - Abilify, which is what my son is on right now, is used to treat depression, bipolar, and irritation associated with Autism. Yes, he could have a comorbid condition. Or sensory integration dysfunction. I just know he cannot live his life like this. The problem with controlling his environment and triggers is that most of his triggers are sensory-related and of course I have made a million accommodations for him, especially with clothing and such. The other triggers such as too many people clustering around him I do control/minimize. We don't go certain places because I know it will be a trigger. The external stuff is pretty easy to manage. And no, traditional parenting has NEVER worked with him. I always thought there was something wrong with my parenting, even though I was trying all the stuff other parents tried with success.