Any advise?

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I´ve posted already a phew times about our 14-year old "DJ Aspero", as he calls himself, and since this is realy the only place I got sincere opinions, advices, and beeing-among-friends feeling, I´ll do it again.
So, summer is almost over, school terror (so he feels) begins and all the fears already known to us start again.We don´t have a feeling that he achieved any progress lately, meaning he doesn´t socialize, all summer he spent with us, only wanted to go to the beach with me and his sister. He seems, naturally, so bored, he doesn´t know what to do with himself.OK, we play cards, he watches all tv programs with some history theme, he listens to the music a little, but that´s all.He is realy alone. We don´t force him to go out if he doesn´t want to but also this is not a solution, meaning spending all free time with us.He became very verbaly agressive lately. Answers back rude words, doesn´t want to listen to the explanation or any argument, and he confronts my husband specialy.Always saying that when he grows up we won´t be able to bother him anymore.
He touches his head above the ears constantly asking does his hear look OK, is it cut properly?OK, so far we understood it is every time he ´s tired, angry or frustrated, butit makes you somehow sad, ´cause we have a feeling we are realy helpless.
Does anyone have similar situation?
Further, showering and dressing, that´s also a special story. You realy have to fight strongly with him every single day.We manage to persuade him in the end, but it is so so so tireing to go through that over and over again. Makes you wonder, should one just let it go...
He is in eight grade now. Has to decide what next. His grades are not bad, but also not so great, and considering options we have in our country, it won´t be something of a situation. And the problem is that he has his visions and opinions which can be totaly opposite from reality.What would you do? Should I let someone else to try to explain to him the situation?
I´m planing to ask school pedagogist and psyhologist anyway but it would means so much if anyone answered.
Love to all, mamamoo

I'm a little concerned he has fallen into depression. It's that listlessness ... the sense that a person would just rather crawl into a hole and not have anything or anyone to confront. Depression causes that. Has he had issues with depression before, or is he under any type of care for it?

Outside of that, it sounds like he needs a passion. This can be a frustrating age, because this may be when they put two and two together and realize that none of the things they loved at younger ages seem to hold any value in the world they are moving into. My has always wanted to be an inventor, but when he was younger it didn't really matter to him if his ideas had no ability to take off, and he happily lived in the world of his ideas. Now he cares about making them become real, but he doesn't have the tools to move from idea to creation, and he worries he never will. The road to turn A into B suddenly seems too long, too stressful and too frightening to him. As a result, he is losing his passion, and seems lost on how to replace it. If your son is going through something similar, that alone could trigger depression.

My goal with my son is to help him see the new roads, the ones he can take that still will allow him to go through the process of pure ideas that he so enjoys. But it isn't easy; we're under a lot of pressure to keep grades up, have test scores, and so on, to get him into the right classes he'll need for college and any hope at the future he wants. The problem is, he just isn't developmentally ready for all that. He needed to dream and play a little longer, but the world just isn't letting him. Another reason to get depressed, right?

The potential triggers can really pile up in middle school. It is an important crossroad for growing up, and a social nightmare. Can you blame our kids for struggling?

I think the small ways we can halt the merry-go-round and let our kids go back to re-finding their youthful joys are one of the things we can give for them right now. Their life will end up being made from their passions and the things that give them joy; at this age, they are at risk of letting go of that forever, and I think it is important that we fight it, so that when they are developmentally ready to integrate those passions with the reality of their futures, the passions will still be a part of them. Not a small challenge, but it is kind of how I see things right now with my son. It is not, however, in the slightest bit easy, and there is no road map I can lay out. Mostly I know what I DON'T want: I don't want the school to track my son into what will be a dead end for him because THEY have standards that don't make sense for him (math is our current issue; he is conceptually brilliant at it, but unable to make good grades with some teachers because of the volume of writing involved and grading methods that rely on copying and showing your work). I don't want his life to be so full of academics that he no longer explores things just because his mind wants to go there (yesterday he had so much homework half the night was spent whining). I don't want him to give up on inventing (but I don't know how to change that course yet). And so on.

I don't know if any of that helped; if your son's issues come from the same place at all. But, in case they do, that is what I've seen with my 8th grader.

Does he state that he is unhappy or bored or is that just your observation? Has he always been like that? It has been stated to me many times on the forum and I tend to agree - maybe he doesn't need the socialization that others need in order to feel OK. Is he content not socializing outside the family? Why do you want him to socialize outside the family?