Any Ideas on How to Help School Refusal besides Homeschool?

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It is just the first week of school here. Each morning my daughter seems fine at home and then when I take her to school she really freaks out, crying, clinging to me, and refuses to go to the teacher. The teacher doesn't know what to do so she sends us to the counselor, who is never in her office and I end up sitting in the office, trying to calm my daughter down. Meanwhile everyone is gawking at my daughter. She is starting second grade. I have such problems with this school because they rarely do anything for my daughter, even though they have her 26 page diagnostic eval. She is very good academically when her anxiety is low but I really wish they would help with these transitions. It is hard on her, hard on me, and it's not fair to let her peers witness this. Last year they thought it would get better but the separation anxiety was pretty much EVERY DAY all schoolyear long.


Any ideas?

What have you done to try to help her transition?

We've been very lucky this year (my son is only three). He is coming and going fine. I know he's having trouble on and off, but when he does he sings to himself so I'll sing with him. We used the "Bye bye" song for leaving. Sometimes we sing Bye bye to everything we see, but it helps. Going we would often use a transitional object like one of his animals (that's his thing). Sometimes a special snack or drink would help too.

Sometimes nothing will work, but in my son's case, that's a signal that something is wrong in his environment.

I had a lot of anxiety when I was in second grade. My mom gave me a pin that was hers (we are Catholic) of the virgin mother. She told me when I missed her I should touch the pin because it was a symbol of how she was always with me. It actually did help me a little, but I still remember crying.

When you're at home, and things are fine, try to talk to your daughter about what it is that is upsetting her so much about going to school. Maybe she can articulate what it is, and the two of you, together, can work on some strategies. A transitional object, like suggested by a previous poster, might be very helpful, and if your daughter is involved in its selection it would be more effective.

The school also needs to be more involved. Is there an adult at school who feels like a "safe" person? If so, that person might need to be available as a transitional person when your daughter gets to school. It would be nice if that were her teacher, but if it isn't, there could be someone else. This should be part of her IEP, and since it clearly isn't, you need to call an emergency IEP meeting to deal with this issue immediately. It has to be done in writing, because if it isn't, it "didn't happen." Also, you need to document everything that is going on and that has gone on (if you haven't been documenting). If they say she's fine academically, you need to remind them that IEP's aren't just about strictly academic needs - it's also about access to education. If she can't walk into her classroom without freaking out, she can't access her education. You can't learn if you're sitting in the counselor's office crying instead of sitting in the classroom learning. You also can't learn if you're so anxious about things that you can't attend to the teacher.

I tried the transitional object-a locket with my picture-but it didn't help. I am frustrated with the school because they won't set a clear "safe person" at the school to make the transition. They act as though this is MY problem and that they are "too busy" to be bothered by a child disrupting the class and and school personnel. Last year we had a teacher that would hold my daughter while I left and she cried but she was resentful of this and confused about it-as though it were a "home" problem. This year's teacher is much less willing to hold my daughter and just immediately says "take her to the counselor". We are documenting everything in a communiction binder. Yesterday the communiction stated that my daughter asked to go to the counselor on 2 occassions throughout the day but the counselor simply walks her back to class-instad of trying to find out what my daughter is afraid/anxious about. My daughter is not able to verbalize WHY she is afraid/anxious. This morning she stated "everything makes me sad and nothing makes me happy".

I suppose I will need to call an IEP meeting, I have just been trying to avoid waging war on the school/district as I live in a very small town with very old fashioned views and have ben told by school personnl that they are simply NOT equipped to deal with kids with "emotional issues". I told them that she has a neurological ISSUE and that they are REQUIRED to deal with it but their position is that I should find afterschool counseling or treatment for her-which she does see a counselor every Friday afternoon.

Is the counselor able to provide the school with recommendations on how to support your daughter in school? When they say they are not equipped, they might mean they don't know what to do, and if they have some clear guidance, they might be a bit more willing to help. (I know, I'm probably doing some wishful thinking here, but it's worth trying, because at least you'd be positioning yourself as the most helpful, cooperative parent you can be). It sounds like your district might need to be reminded of what their legal responsibilities are, as opposed to what their view of what "they do" is. They HAVE to educate ALL children in their district, and if those children have "emotional issues" or neurological differences, or any other challenges that they find beyond their capacities, they still have to get the expertise to meet those children's needs met. You might want to have an advocate or lawyer work with you, so you aren't the "bad guy" all by yourself, "demanding" things from them - there's someone else "explaining" the law to them. If the counselor is capable of taking that role, that might work as well.

It might just be my perspective, but the counselor seems to think if she continues to be redirected to class she'll eventually stop having the separation anxiety. I dealt with her tactics all of last year, constantly contacting and meeting with the school trying to get them to implement some supports but they really, truly have absolutely zero understanding of AS or how it manifests or impacts school. They feel my daughter's social anxiety is due to "maladjustment due to home issues" (as this was written into their EVAL when they eval'd her for Sp Ed last year). I was so disgusted with their stance and realized their Sp Ed equated to warehousing those who would never amount to anything so I was relieved my daughter did not qualify for their idea of "Sp Ed".

I can move my daughter to a private school but am under the understanding that private schools do not have to make supports or accommodations at all so I am left trying my best to deal with the public school system.

Oh, you meant her private counselor? Oh, well she is quite upset about the school's unwillingness to support. I have not thought about getting her to interact with the school-prhaps I could inquire about whether this would be possible.

I school-refused. They wouldn't set up someone to walk me to classes, either (I'm not sure why this helps so much, I guess it is one less thing to worry about and feels safer.) I hope you get help for your daughter going to school easier.

Aspies have issues which parents identify and make allowances for. Their comfort zone ends when they enter school and the nurturing adults leave them in the clutches of people who demand compliance and will not lower their expectations or accommodate [or acknowledge] the needs of the student. Many AS kids have sensory issues, like the inability to filter out the unnecessary in the world around them and sensitivity to sounds, lights, textures, touch, etc, and the classroom is an environment which overwhelms them.

The school must understand that their reaction is not voluntary or something they can stop on command. Some have said that the terror and panic they feel is like not being able to breathe as they fall into a pitch black hole. Aspies see the world in absolutes, yes vs no, black vs white and good vs bad and some equate the anxiety/terror/panic as punishment for being 'bad' and see themselves as 'bad' Being punished for their behavior [dragged back to the classroom] can validate their skewed perception.

Taking her out of school sounds appropriate, but do it for medical reasons - the stress of the school environment is damaging her health. (can't sleep, afraid, anxious, depressed, physically ill, etc.) Get her doctors to provide the proof the school will want and the district will have to see that she receives her education.

Notify the school (always in writing, Return Receipt Requested) that she will need tutoring and the services to which she is entitled until she returns.
Notify the school of the need for an EMERGENCY CSE meeting to establish a plan for dealing with the issues which are interfering with her education. [this gives the school 60 days to comply, rather the 90 if it were a request for an ORDINARY CSE.]
Notify the school that you want a sensory evaluation done to determine if the aversion to the classroom can be related to sensitivities. [IDEA requires the school to perform the eval if notified by teachers, parents, et al. That 'we don't see that" is not good enough. It must be performed by a specialist in sensory issues and if YOU don't agree with their report, THE DISTRICT pays for a Second Opinion.]
Notify the school of the need for a Functional Behavior Analysis to see if there are triggers in the way staffers are dealing with her and to identify other stressors which may be involved.
When the FBA has been completed, a Behavior Intervention Plan is developed, which is to instruct staffers how to identify and eliminate the triggers and deal with the issues.
Request a meeting with the Principal and the head of SpEd to discuss your concerns about how the staff behaved and treated your daughter. Use the opportunity to suggest they have an AS specialist visit the school to provide training in how to teach Aspies. Try to be upbeat, offering suggestions, rather than indictments.

If the administration is unable or unwilling to comply, there are several avenues you can follow to get the needed relief. The CSE can order a change of placement to a smaller, less threatening class and eliminate the distracting litter on the walls, etc., Again, you are within your rights to have them provide home school services to keep them from falling behind and all other services included in the IEP.

You can bring the matter to your state Dept of Ed for resolution. They have the power to investigate and order changes to protect the student. NYS DofEd has an Inspector General's office which is responsible for seeing that the schools follow the rules and do what is necessary for the students. Find out who's got that responsibility where you are, call them and ask them how to proceed. It's often possible to talk to the person who is in charge of compliance and get them to tell the district to stop screwing around. If the informal approach isn't available, put it in writing.

The US Dept of Ed has the Office of Civil Rights (OCR), which makes sure that the rights of students in the protected classes (race, sex, disability, etc) are not violated.

The mission of the Office for Civil Rights is to ensure equal access to education and to promote educational excellence throughout the nation through vigorous enforcement of civil rights.

We serve student populations facing discrimination and the advocates and institutions promoting systemic solutions to civil rights problems. An important responsibility is resolving complaints of discrimination. Agency-initiated cases, typically called compliance reviews, permit OCR to target resources on compliance problems that appear particularly acute. OCR also provides technical assistance to help institutions achieve voluntary compliance with the civil rights laws that OCR enforces. An important part of OCR's technical assistance is partnerships designed to develop creative approaches to preventing and addressing discrimination.
http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/index.html

There is a complaint form on their website that can be used to get the ball rolling and they are more than willing. The DoJ announced that the discrimination cases fell off during the last ten years and they were charging OCR with pursuing the offenders aggressively. That's our cue.

You could hire a lawyer to use mediation or a hearing to seek a resolution, but that's not only expensive, you are playing Their game on Their court with Their ball, so they could drag things out until she's ready for high school. There's no charge for using the state or the FEDS to do the heavy lifting. Their team of investigators swoops down on the school and the changes begin, often before the report is written.

Once it's over, your future CSEs should be a breeze, as long as you don't rub their noses in it. They won't want to go through THAT again.

Don't be intimidated by the thought of taking them on. The US Supreme Court has ruled that parents are full members of the CSE, with a veto that can stymie any changes until a hearing is held. Just say NO until they say YES.

Wrightslaw.com has tons of useful strategies and help for facing the ed system and winning. Their books are invaluable.

Good luck.

I withdrew her from public school today. Her anxiety was just too severe and today when I took here she ran away down the hall to avoid going in to the classroom. Evidently there was a "problem" that occurred last Friday where a boy in my daughter's class became violent toward the teacher and the other students. This scared my daughter quite a bit.

I met with the principal today after the counselor informed me they had "dropped all prior supports" for my daughter. I went in and sat and waited for the meeting. The principal informed me that they believed my daughter's issues were due to "home problems" and that they were not obligated to provide 504 or any supports. I got up and walked out.

I went straight over to the Director of Sp Ed for the district, informed her I was filing an OCR complaint. She seemed appalled that the principal would state it was due to "home problems" (my mother and the school counselor was there so I have a witness). She said I could request an IEE but it wouldn't change anything. Due to my daughter mastering the math benchmark and apparently scoring well on the reading state test (which had to have been falsified-she will not read at home) her "issues" were not impacting her ability to learn. I told her that my daughter was missing a lot of educational time due to going to the counselor and refusing to go to school in the morning and she stated "that does not impact her ABILITY to learn".

This district is SO out of compliance I am just completely overwhelmed in even beginning to make some changes. With violent children in the classroom my anxious little girl not paying attention in the corner is not even on their radar.

I enrolled her in a private school.

I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal and I am horrified. People like that principal are the ones I would really like to bash some sense into. How disgusting to brush of any responsibility and blame you. I am so incredibly sorry you and your daughter had to deal with this.

I love this. Brilliant. It may be too late for the OP, but it is a solid angle, leaving the most options open, in my opinion.

MamatoGrace, I am so sorry you've had these problems. I sincerely hope that the private school will prove to be a solid fit for your daughter. All kids can be happy with learning; just need the right place.

Is there any benefit that could come from filing an OCR complaint and/or state level complaint against the school? It won't help my daughter but I feel very sorry for the parents who aren't informed or don't have the $$ to spend on private placement for their kids.

You might look into something called "School Phobia". It seems to be a real, irrational fear of going to school. It's a rather new idea, and I don't know if it's an official diagnosis yet.

I know when I was in grade school I hated it. Every single second I hated it. There were many factors.

I ended up threatening to burn down the school if I wasn't taken out of it in the 5th grade.

I honestly wonder why my parents never, ever took me to any kind of councilor or therapist.

Wow, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I hope the private school works out for you and your daughter. Good luck! Please keep us updated!

You sure have your hands full. Goes to show that some people are complete morons, despite a wall full of diplomas and letters after their names.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:59 pm Post subject:
I withdrew her from public school today. Her anxiety was just too severe and today when I took here she ran away down the hall to avoid going in to the classroom. Evidently there was a "problem" that occurred last Friday where a boy in my daughter's class became violent toward the teacher and the other students. This scared my daughter quite a bit.

Regardless of the other issues, the school has a responsibility to provide a safe environment. The problem with her being afraid to return to the classroom after the violence is the school's, not hers. They have to fix their school, not blame your daughter.

I met with the principal today after the counselor informed me they had "dropped all prior supports" for my daughter. I went in and sat and waited for the meeting. The principal informed me that they believed my daughter's issues were due to "home problems" and that they were not obligated to provide 504 or any supports. I got up and walked out.

Good for you! You are a member of the committee that is required to review the rules and the situation and decide what direction to go to insure your daughter receives the Free Appropriate Public Education in the Least Restrictive Environment that the law requires - US Supreme Court. You are entitled to veto any action, like dropping supports, and they can't proceed without conducting an impartial hearing. They must maintain her placement, with all of the services or establish an alternate that meets the IEP and your approval in the interim - IDEA.
Her issues are part of her diagnosis and the school has violated her rights by acting unilaterally. The principal compounded the offense by denying your daughter FAPE/LRE due to her disability.

I went straight over to the Director of Sp Ed for the district, informed her I was filing an OCR complaint. She seemed appalled that the principal would state it was due to "home problems" (my mother and the school counselor was there so I have a witness). She said I could request an IEE but it wouldn't change anything. Due to my daughter mastering the math benchmark and apparently scoring well on the reading state test (which had to have been falsified-she will not read at home) her "issues" were not impacting her ability to learn. I told her that my daughter was missing a lot of educational time due to going to the counselor and refusing to go to school in the morning and she stated "that does not impact her ABILITY to learn".

Good move, but you didn't go far enough over the principal's head. No matter. There's still plenty opportunity to get her what she needs from the school district.

This district is SO out of compliance I am just completely overwhelmed in even beginning to make some changes. With violent children in the classroom my anxious little girl not paying attention in the corner is not even on their radar.

Take a deep breath and put your focus on getting them to wake up and fly right. Call the district superintendent's office for an emergency meeting about (1) the threat of becoming a victim of violence in your daughter's class, (2) the lack of compliance to her IEP and with the SpEd laws, (3) the violation of her rights by the staff and administration.
Tx law also allows you to bring the matter up before the board of trustees of the district. They may be concerned with the magnitude of the settlement the district will have to pay.

I enrolled her in a private school.

That's an excellent move, for her education and to start putting the pressure on the district. If the Supt fails to understand the ramifications of rejecting your demands, it will be a short meeting. Then you can complain to the Commissioner of Ed and notify OCR to intercede.
FYI - Under Texas law. the district does not have to provide services to students in private schools (and they consider homeschooling to be private, hence the earlier suggestion to get doctors to certify that she is suffering harm in the placement she is in, keep her home and demand tutoring and the services.

http://ritter.tea.state.tx.us/rules/tac ... ml#89.1096

If the Supt is on the ball, they will try to make amends when they see that they have provided you with an excellent opportunity to sue for damages after they have been corrected by Texas BOE and/or the feds for violating laws and your daughter's rights That's when you lay your list of demands on them. It should include everything that you can think of that can help her. ABA, CBT, OT, Speech, a Computer and other Adaptive Devices, etc. You want the behavior mess in her class corrected, 'Stop Bullying' and 'Autism Awareness' programs for everyone and teacher training about how to deal with a child on the spectrum. Include demands for the IEE and evaluations for sensory issues and anything else that you feel is interfering with her ability and opportunity to take advantage of the education she is entitled to. You expect them to provide services at the private school and pay for the tuition until they have made the necessary changes and she feels comfortable returning to district. You will also be within your rights to demand that they pay for psychotherapy to help relieve her of the effects of their failure to following the law and deal with the issue appropriately.

This link is about a case where the school was forced to reimburse parents for private school.

http://www.wrightslaw.com/advoc/articles/fape.boss.htm

Go through the cases and articles on wrightslaw.com for more ideas and success stories.

Don't be intimidated by the process. You will win this in the end.

Good luck.