Enough's Enough! No More Special Ed. Effective Tomorrow.

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Yep! This is it. I'm at the end of my proverbial tether with the ignorance of the "so-called" professionals.

My son was diagnosed last July at the age of 13. If it wasn't hard enough for him to come to terms with Asperger's, I convinced him that dropping one subject in order to be freed up and assisted by Special Ed (SE) was a good idea.. I worked in the SE Unit for two years and saw the benefits.

13 months later... loads of meetings with case managers, teachers and Autism Queensland...Much professional development to educate his teacher's on ASD's...all is not good and it wasn't such a good idea after all...beacuse...

Unbelievable lack of consistency!
Turn over of staff
Supply teachers with no idea
Every one's too busy to be aware or to care
Staff taking behaviors personally
The non believers (school staff who seem to think he should just behave!)

To make matters worse for me I work at the school, not in the SE unit this year, and teachers stop me from doing my job because they want to speak with "me as a parent". How awfully professional of them! Sorry, that was sarcasm. Memo's have gone out to all his teachers not to approach me in my professional role, several times, to no avail. The memos work for a few weeks, and then it all starts again.

After speaking with my son this evening, we've agreed that he may as well take up that subject again (Studies of Society & The Environment) and flow back into mainstream education as he has always done before his diagnosis.

I won't allow them to treat him like the unsolvable puzzle anymore! They've been given ample opportunity and blown it!

They can forget the diagnosis...I won't be spoken to, at work, about my son anymore concerning AS. I'm withdrawing the label! The diagnosis is his to do with what he pleases... and he pleases to be treated like a person, not like a syndrome which is largely misunderstood.

Please don't misunderstand, he is not about to deny that he's an aspie. The diagnosis was one of the best things that happened for him. It explained a lot. We just think that some people don't deserve the right to speak with us about AS.

I wonder if there are other members who have done what I'm about to do tomorrow...

I was diagnosed as an adult, and nine weeks after receiving it I chose to keep that fact hidden for exactly the reasons you've described - I'm a human being, I want to be treated as such. So I understand your son's feelings completely here.

It's more of a struggle, but my life has been far more rewarding and I'm not talked down to constantly. In fact, just the other month I was told that people at work (NT co-workers) actually look up to me, it made me happier than I can describe.

You've noticed, it seems, that alot of adults are so set in their ways and beliefs that they behave worse (in some ways) than schoolyard bullies who haven't been trained to eat with forks (or chopsticks - chopsticks are fine utensils too).

Make sure your son knows that if he asks, you will come to his aid and stand by his side again - for big things or for little things. Though I'm sure he knows, it's important to say it out loud. Once should be plenty.

And good luck with the 'as a fellow parent' conversations. Those aren't going to stop overnight, and as it seems you know, are usually more destructive than helpful. Maybe you could respond with "ah yes.. about YOUR child... your childrearing techniques..."' put your arm over their shoulders, in a conspiratorial way, turn them around and lead them down the hall. "I have been hearing some things about YOUR kids that have me concerned about their mental health... " then stop dead, turn, look them directly in the eye and say "You aren't interested in listening to me any more than I'm interested in listening to you, so how about we leave how we raise our kids out of our professional interactions. Kay?"

We haven't but, then again, we've had different experiences than you have, and have a co-morbid that strongly affects schoolwork (my son still cannot write legibly, so we're fully engaged in work a-rounds, which requires partnership with the school). My son is 13 and more engaged in the decisions about his education than ever, and I trust that your son has had ample opportunity to evaluate his pros and cons and make an informed decision. It is his life, and the only reason to enter special ed is to make things better for the child; if special ed isn't doing that, then why be in it? Missing an interesting subject is a high price to pay, and I totally understand deciding that the cost is no longer justified.

I can't relate to the whole job situation with you working at the school, and the need to split so strongly mom duties from work duties, so I'll have to trust you on that side of it.

Just be sure the decision is being made because of your son's experiences, and not because of yours.

good for you! it took us 2.5 years to figure out that. our son blossomed after we got him out of special pre-k. we tried 2 private therapists and again it was dead end thing. this time we were smarter so we spent just 3 months. finaly we found a therapist that helped him a LOT in just one month. basically it proved our point of view since in the previous cases, the excuse for non-existent progress was that it takes years. it feels great to finally have a sense of progress and direction and sense.
i wish we trusted ourselves more and pulled him out earlier.

The school system diagnosed me with ADHD when I was 5 in 1975. They put me in special education classes from 1st grade to 10th grade. The whole time I told the teachers I did not belong in the classes. The teachers would tell me I was lucky because for every student in our class there where three students that did not get in.

The first three years in the classes I picked up weird behavior from some of the students in class with me so my parents complained. So around 6th grade they finally did something they let me take a "normal" art class where I was treated like a pariah. I did not know how to behave around them and everything I did was mocked. My life was a living hell. In 7th grade they put me in a normal social studies class where I excelled but was once again treated like garbage because the liberal teacher told the class I was learning disabled and may need them to help me with things. I was met with a group of kids (half of the class) making "ret*d" noises and faces that the teacher thought was funny.

Around 10th grade I had enough and I told them I was going to quit so they re-tested me on the condition if I tested learning disabled I would shut my mouth and I would finish my last two years of high school in special education. Needless to say My 11th and 12th grade classes were spent in normal classes. To my suprise people were no longer harrassing me thinking I was ret*d especially when they saw me sitting in class next to them and doing better than them. If I ever had a child I would rather die then let them go through the horror of special education classes like I did.

I was tested for Aspergers August 6th 2010 and the doctor told me he saw no signs of ADHD he said "I do not know where that came from he believes I was a victim of a lazy examiner." So I was pretty much cheated out of a proper education, beaten up, spit on, insulted, and made to hate myself for my first 10 years of school from the ages 5 - 15 on a daily basis. As an adult I trust no one, I am now easy to provoke into a fight or quick to insult someone, my social anxiety is way out of control, and I just assume someone is out to screw me over when they are being nice to me. I cringe everytime I hear some idiot say get over it when I have flashbacks every slight against me through out the years.

Thank you all so very much for your advice and for sharing experiences.

I'm encouraged by your comments, I will definitely take on some of the good advice I've been kindly given here and am crying with relief as I type.

I know I'm doing the right thing for my amazing son. He spoke to me last week of some WWII events, and did so with such a passion that I started to question the path we've encouraged him to take. In the subject he gave up, he would have the opportunity learn even more about history and enjoy it too!

He is one of the bravest people I know and after reading everyone's posts, so far, I'm even more confident that I'm doing the right thing.

The SE option will always be open to him, he's aware of this and until such a time that he asks to take on their assistance, I won't ever be persuaded to suggest it to him again.

From personal experience, especially for someone "high functioning", which of course, I hate that term but it's one most people understand...special education classes will scar a child for years. I lived outside the US until 3rd grade. In 3rd grade I went to Texas. In 3rd grade I was in an advanced math class, but also in a bilingual class to learn the english language. In 4th grade I had no accent at all in english...but, they started putting me in a special ed class sometimes. To this day I ask my parents and especially my mother claims "she was not aware of it"...sure...anyway, they couldn't figure out what to do with me...put me in advance classes then back to special ed...this went on for my entire 4th grade...I can't remember how long I was in one class vs. another...but I will never forget the damage it did. For the next 10-12yrs I thought there was something wrong with me...that I was stupid, that I was a moron or something...even when I made good grades. I finally went to college and quit because I still felt that I was not smart enough...I found a job at American Airlines at age 21...the bosses there loved me...the trainers loved me...the older workers loved me...I still felt stupid...Thanks to those people I finally started realizing I could do much more and that I was NOT stupid or that there was something wrong with me. My career there lasted 20yrs and I moved quickly from one level to the other. I was admired by system architects, upper management, etc...constantly...that is the ONLY thing that helped my self-esteem. For that, I will forever be grateful.

My son was diagnosed with autism, then adhd, then add and OCD, then asperger's, blah, blah, blah...We had some problems in Kindergarten and pulled him out...we have homeschooled ever since. I will NOT allow him in any special ed classes...I have gotten much criticism from people for the homeschooling, yet the same people constantly tell me how "normal" my son is, how much he improves day after day, etc...so, there you go...

I know not everyone believes in homeschooling. I know not everyone has the time or can afford it. We have sacrificed a very good lifestyle to homeschool, as I made much more money than my husband...but at the end, it has been worth it.

You are doing the right thing. Your son will thank you for it. Good luck to you.

Thank you whatamess, your story is very inspiring and encouraging.

Yes, Whatamess! Great story-thanks for sharing. I admire you for homeschooling. My son is in special needs kindergarten this year, and I have no complaints. But after all of the reading I have done on WP, and other sources, I am definitely opening my heart and mind to homeschooling if necessary. This is the last year that I want him to be in special needs classes. He just turned 5, and has been in the special needs program since 3. He has gotten lots of therapy, and I have seen major improvement in his development. So for that I am grateful. But going forward, if he can't be mainstreamed into a regular class (maybe with an aid) Then I am fully prepared to homeschool if necessary. We actually live in an area where homeschooling is fairly popular. I am concerned a bit about the social aspect, since my son is an only child, but from what I hear, there are many social events that the homeschoolers do together.

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your son, and kudos to you for going forward with it even in the face of criticism.

Hi all.

I submitted a letter of request for my son to take up Studies of Society & the Environment.

My son had no choice but to stay in Special Ed tutoring for the remainder of term 3 because of formalities, his time table has to be changed first. We are now on two weeks spring break. Hopefully he doesn't get mucked around when school resumes for term 4.

I'll let you all know how we go.