Vitriole of randam strangers....

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Okey Dokey then..

I was out with my son (age 5 dx'd with PDD-NOS) and my neurotypical daughter.

We were at a small mall and both kids needed to make use of the washroom. (BTW - the son is FINALLY urinating in the toilet during the daytime - Yippeeee). Anyways, my son did not want to use the men's room with my husband, but insisted on using the ladies room with me. No biggie - heck - he is only five years old - nevermind his diagnosis.

Anyway. My son has a "favourite stall" of the two in the ladies room. His "favourite stall" was occupied. I said, "Well, you'll have to wait, somone is using that stall. You can use it when they are done." I took my daughter to the available stall and helped her. My son chatted away to himself and said, "I like that stall you see.... yes.... I'm waiting for that stall... etc.etc. He was NOT knocking on the door. He was NOT peeking under the door or anything - he was just chattering to himself.

I exited the other stall with my daughter and there was another woman standing behind my son. I said to go ahead to use the stall I was in and that my son was particular about the one stall.

When the occupant came out of the stall my son wanted, she GLARED at me. She said, "What is wrong with him that he HAS to use just one stall." I replied that he is autistic and he just does that. She continued to stand there and look at me with utter contempt. I said, "Any more questions??" She said, "This is a public washroom and he shouldn't be disturbing people. He should use another washroom..."

In one of my not-so-glorious moments of proactive communication. I told her to "F-ck off, he has a neurological condition and can use whatever stall he wants."

This went over like a lead balloon and she went on about how I was a bad mother to use language like that in front of my kids (after she told me, "No - you f-ck off" and then added, "No wonder your kid as autism with you using language like that." I said, "Yeah, that's how he gets it - in combination with vaccinations!!" She muttered something else and I told the battleaxe to wash her damn hands and get out and get on with her ignorant life.

Anyways, like I said, not a stellar day for Canadianrose's communication style I probably should have said, "My son has autism. As long as he is not peeking under the door or knocking on the door - it is something that I just need people to be patient with" or something like that. Although, for this hag - I doubt she would have been any less judgmental or nasty to me.

It just pisses me off that I can't even expect people to be understanding enough in a friggin public washroom. We weren't at a day spa. We weren't at a fine dining establishment. It was a mall toilet! I mean, do your business, wash your hands and continue your shopping and errands. My son was chatting to himself (and the other person in line) about his liking one stall. He wasn't causing harm or discomfort to anyone.

Also, I am not sure what other washroom she was referring to (unless he pulled down his pants, whipped out his little penis and took a leak on the potted plant by the mall entrance!!).

Arrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Sorry, just needed to vent.

Here I am, so gosh darn happy that my son can verbalize that he needs to use the toilet, waits patiently for someone to finish and verbalizes that he likes a particular stall. This is great. I think this as successful. Then some hag has to remind me that my kid is "not normal" and make a big deal out of what is basically a quirk and not a real problem. It just reminds me that my child will always be "different" and the object of scorn to some people.

So sorry you had to endure this. So far I have never encountered such a hostile situation, but I have been hurt by strange looks given to my son. Glad your son is now using the toilet. I guess we have to celebrate the things we can, and just blow off the things that upset us and move on!

What an ignorant, pathetic excuse for a human being! I suppose her children, if she has any, are of a truly superior stock, with no flaws or faults! Sorry, I think I would have ripped the woman's head off and flushed it down the much favored toilet bowl!

Cherish your victories. Forget everyone else.

Few people seem to see us as just parents getting by like the rest of the world. There are the ones who glare as if we've brought all the evil in the world down on them, and then the ones who will pronounce you a saint for raising a special needs child. We aren't either.

I think some people create their own hell on earth by refusing to see the beauty in all the little silly things of the world, like a child who wants a particular stall. Instead of finding an opportunity to get a chuckle, they see an opportunity to be annoyed. Well, I'm sure they've created many opportunities to feel annoyed. They must spend their whole day annoyed. Sad way to live, isn't?

or something like that. most likely she would be annoyed whether he was autistic or not. any child who was making any kind of noise would bother her...who cares! i probably would've reacted the same as you. and i don't normally curse either. but...those words are used in certain circumstances...i do believe that was one. lol...i remember taking my son to the restaurant with a friend. and he wasn't behaving badly, in fact it was a rather good day. anyway, he was clapping and singing a song (not loud) (and, i might add it wasn't a fine restaurant, it was a family diner), and this lady was saying out loud so i could hear her, that "some people are so rude, who wants to hear everyone's kids when you're going out to eat?" AAAAHHH You know you can't make everyone happy, and i learned that i am not going to try. i am aware of others, and i try to acknowledge other people's space, etc. but give me a break!

I hate people like that. Those people are the reason that Autism Speaks is thriving.

That would have been a good time to hand her one of those nifty cards that say "So sorry my childs Autism has offended you"....I still have some of those in my purse.
Dont feel bad about the swearing thing...things fly out of my mouth when people catch me off guard as well !

Heck, I would be doing a happy dance if my son would use a toilet outside the house! He'll hold it all day before going to a strange toilet (this is a new development this summer - fear of outside toilets). The woman has problems. She would have found something nasty to say if it was your NT daughter standing there. Some people are just miserable human beings. Sorry you had to deal with it.

I think you handled that woderfully! I want to hi-five you...lol

You handled better then I would have

I concur. You did well.

Perhaps you could improve a little in future with a quick "My son acts in a way that bothers other people because he's autistic. What's your excuse?" before you tell her to fcuk off.

You should have said

"Weren't you listening? He just explained to you in detail EXACTLY why he prefers that stall. My gawd, if you can't hear what he's saying, is me adding anything to the story going to change things?"

I can't say that I'm sure I wouldn't have flipped her the bird either. What a horrid thing for you and your kids to have to endure.

There was a huge kerfuffle in the blogging world this spring because of an EXTREMELY popular blogger (not in my part of the blogging universe, but extremely popular in hers) who is a self-professed Christian, went on a blog tyrade about a child who was, by her description, obviously autistic. She didn't realize the child was autistic (which is reallly beside the point) but even when people called her out on it, her response was ugly.

She missed the opportunity to show grace (by a long shot) and reacted with defensiveness and poor form. Honestly, I don't think her image ever fully recovered. Many of us in the autism parenting blogosphere made a point to blog about her condemnation of a small autistic child, and ironically her ignorance gave rise to a lot of awareness. Here's a link in anyone's interested: http://www.welcome-to-normal.com/2010/0 ... rocks.html

Caitlin, I read through the blog post you linked. I also ready schmockity-whatever's original post and the comments. What struck me (unrelated to anything on this thread really) was how her followers praised her for her patience...ummmm...LMAO! If that is considered extreme patience, then what is what WE all have called? There must be another word for the level of patience most of us parents have with our ASD kids. If THAT makes her want to poke her dang eyeball out, what would having an ASD kid make her want to do? I could go on about other things on her post, but I won't. Not my blog, not my business.

Thanks for sharing that, Caitlin. I am amazed that she spent 8 yrs as a school teacher and did not pick up on the signs of autism. I am glad that she eventually apologized.