Breakthrough in understanding

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My DS is extremely communicative and verbal. It never, ever occurred to me that he could possibly have trouble communicating. I mean he can talk at adult level for hours right?

OK - for those of you who have been here for years, please stop laughing. I now know that the ability to talk at adult level for hours doesn't define one's skill at communication. However, I had not had a true understanding of this and how it relates to my DS until this week. Here's how it went:

Me: Time for bed
DS: No
Me: Huh? It's the rule, time for bed (I am surprised, because he doesn't usually give me trouble after reminders and prompts. I can tell he's getting agitated)
DS: I'm getting very upset, leave me alone
Me: What's wrong honey, can I help you?
DS: makes growling noise and gets more agitated

I will save you from the next five minutes of exact back and forth, but the bottom line is I got irritated and said, "ok hon, well, I'm going to leave the room because I'm getting frustrated and need a break, it is late and I am tired"

He got even more agitated and I could tell that this was going to escalate.

Me: You want me to stay?
DS: yes
Me: You want help, but you don't know what for?
DS: yes
Me: you know something is bothering you, but you don't know what it is?
Ds: yes

After much more back and forth and me insisting on helping him with things that could be bothering him, it turns out that he had had a toileting accident. The rule is that he must check himself before he goes to bed, and clean up if needed. He can't stand this and it is very upsetting for him. This was the cause of the agitation. Once I figuired it out and offered to help him clean it up and subsequently cleaned it up, he was fine. OH - I also had to let him look up stuff on the computer for 5 minutes (special interest). Once we did those things it was all good.

He couldn't communicate what was upsetting him, but once we fixed it he was fine. Now, he swears that he doesn't know he is soiled. If this is true, the sensory issues are causing the agitation - he's bothered but dosen't know how he's bothered. If it isn't true and he does know, but is too embarassed or upset to admit it, his emotions and lack of skill in dealing with them is causing the upset. Either way, he isn't capabable of communicating what he is feeling and this is the cause of the meltdowns.

I have always assumed that DS can fully communicate, so we would go round and round arguing about the wrong things and allowing it to escalate. I am pretty happy that I figured it out. Now if he can just get the toileting accidents under control, that may be one less thing to bother him.

With an AS child, a parent can never assume anything, it seems. What seem like easy things to say to us are amazingly hard for them, and what is obvious to us is shrouded in fog to them. It happens with the strangest things at the strangest times, and goes far beyond the "can't read social cues" issue we are all aware of. Realizing that there is always digging to do is one of the biggest hurdles a parent can cross with an AS child. So ... congratulations! Your life just got easy ... and harder

Consider chiropractic (get referrals to a reputable one). I used to think they were a bunch of quacks, until one told me he could cure my son's bedwetting. And presto, he actually did. I've been told chiro also works for encopresis.