Stays in Room All Day

Post Reply New Topic

I have a 17 year old son who has slight learning disabilities. He did ok in HS but as it got harder we now do online hs. He is extremely good looking and has won many awards in surfing and was even on the surf team for 2 years in high school. He was diagnosed by the County as having no problems and he just doesnt like school. He went from a popular student to a hermit that rarely goes out of his room. He took his driving test a couple of weeks ago and didnt pass. I was thinking that if drives it would get him out of his room. He takes it again in a couple of weeks.
We saw a psy and we couldnt get him to go. In his room he has a 42 HDTV, XBOX live and high speed internet, so I think that he has built an island. We try very hard to get him back to the beach but has lost all interest in competition and will pick a board up a couple of times a month. He will stay in virtual academy through junior year but will go back full time for his senior year. We look at his phone records from the following year and he had 422 text messages for the month of July 2009. This month fo 2010-zero! Other kids ask about him. We really dont know what to do as we also have our hands full with the middle child was as he has Asperger's and my wife spends many hours battling the school for services and we have been sued twice by the school. Any suggestions as we just dont know what to do-Thank You for this great website!

Wait, so the 17 year old doesn't have asperger's? Clarification.

Well, look. Of the top of my head I would say you the parents are still in control of his "island". Flip the breakerbox switch providing electricity to his room. I agree...this is a tough problem. I wish I had more or better advice.

if i had a 42" hd tv, xbox, and internet in my room, i would never leave either =) the rough solution is to remove the electronics from his room. the simple solution is to put limits on it. use a timer that plugs into the wall and put his devices on it if you need to. unless he purchased all those items and pays the electric bill himself, then they are still in your control. and even if he did, its still your house, so still in your control =)

enforce family time and haul him out with you to the beach or other places, or just to the living room for movie or game night. if he is a gamer, try to get him interested in gaming he can do socially outside the house, like magic the gathering card game.

while its good to let spectrum kids do what their special interests are, its not healthy for any kid to spend all their time alone. they need human contact, even if thats just with their family.

my 13 yr old has a tv, computer, internet in his room, and would do like your son. IF WE LET HIM. thats the key. we enforce family time at our house. dinner time is together time. we do movies or games. we try to get him out of his room by offering alternatives that he does enjoy, like an episode or two of mythbusters with his dad, or a good zombie movie for us all to watch.

i know from experience that its way too easy to become a hermit, especially if you are a gamer. and once there, you can lose some of those social skills you used to have. you dont want him to get to that point where he is no longer comfortable being social.

Geez, if my parents bought me a 42" HDTV, I'd never leave either.

It sounds like depression to me.

I stayed in my room for over a year once and only came out to use the bathroom. I had a TV and a computer with internet acess, I had my paints and art supplies. I had all I needed. My parents knew if I wasn't sleeping, I was either painting another masterpeice, writing a story or making a video game. My parents joked that it felt like a visit whenever I came out but never pushed the issue. They let me do my schoolwork in my room and eat there. If they truely felt I needed to get out of the house, they would tell me my dog really wanted me to take him for a walk or offer to take me to the zoo or something along those lines. I still basicaly live in my room and only come out to eat or take care of my lizard. My parents learned to accept it.

I dont understand the problem. Is your child not performing well in school because he doesn't put forth enough time? Or is he excessively overweight and need of exercise? If there is a real problem, then perhaps you need to address it, but based on what you have written, I don't see a problem.

Simply because your child chooses to spend most of their time in their room doesn't mean that they aren't happy. Your child is allowed to choose what he does for fun. You can't force him to go surf if he doesn't want to.

I think the concern is that this has been such a huge change from past behavior, and it sounds like a fairly rapid change, and not one that evolved naturally due to the interests and personality of the child. But, that really is the question, isn't it? Which is it?

If it's the former, it could be the result of depression, or addictive behavior, and either way is cause for concern, and possibly medical intervention. If it is the later, that the child is really just more fully expressing the inclinations the has always had, and the child seems happy and healthy, then it's probably the parents whose assumptions need challenging.

I think it's important for the OP to figure out which of the above applies before deciding what to do about it.

I once locked myself in my bedroom and only came out to use the bathroom for over a year. Basicaly I had a year long meltdown.

This sounds like a clear cut case of AS.... Adolescent Syndrome.

The kid's seventeen, his kid sibling is currently the 'problem child' with Asperger's and he's growing up and facing a lot of changes is his own life.

Sounds like a perfectly normal kid who needs a bit of attention and understanding, really.

His room has become his world and if this were me everything in it would go.