Share your Dear Teacher letter

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I thought it would be interesting to share "Dear Teacher" letters that introduce your child to a new teacher at the beginning of the year. I'll post the ones I used for kindergarten and first grade.

I recommend keeping it to one page if possible. I find that I have to write out a long version, and then figure out how to shorten it down into bullet lists and tables.

In kindergaten I found out when the teachers were coming back to prepare their rooms, and gave it to the office staff to give to the teacher. This resulted in the teacher calling and my son being able to meet her alone before the rest of the class came for the kindergarten open house.

In first grade, I was able to arrange meeting the teacher before school started, and I handed her the letter just before we left. Next time I think I'll wait for the first big meltdown or a couple weeks into the school year.

Last edited by zette on 02 Sep 2012, 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Here's the one I wrote to the kindergarten teacher last year. I also gave a copy to the special ed director. I heard back from them that the meltdown table was very helpful. My estimate of things being ok 95% of the time turned out to be way too optimistic!

August 29, 2011

Dear [Teacher],
Our son, S, is very excited to meet you and start school at [School]. He is a sunny, bright, energetic little boy – I hope this summary will be helpful in planning for his challenges.

Social, Behavioral, and Academic Challenges
* may not notice when he is behaving differently from other children, nor take cues from them
* may attempt to wander instead of sitting at the snack and lunch tables
* is interested in playing with other children, but may need help joining
* may hit or push other children when trying to initiate a game of tag, or throw and kick sand
* may need extra help to learn his classmates names
* has difficulty keeping eyes focused where an adult is pointing to words on a page
* has been working with an OT on handwriting and attention issues since February
* has difficulty working independently, needs frequent redirection to remain on-task
* may wander during free choice or “centers” instead of working on the tasks
* needs a lot of movement to stay focused


95% of the time S handles class as well as any other kid, but the other 5% can sometimes be disruptive. He tends to show anxiety or over stimulation through increased movement and wandering. His loud expressions of frustration often seem out of proportion to the trigger. Meltdowns and tantrums are rare and are usually over within 5-10 minutes. The most common triggers are frustration, disappointment, dislike of a task, or the onset of a cold.

[The following was a table two columns and the headings "Warning Signs" and "What has worked in the past". I couldn't get the table to format for this posting.]

Warning signs
Anxious or slightly stressed
* Pacing, roaming the room, climbing on chairs.
* Physically still but his voice gets very loud.
* Begins to ignore direct requests.
What has worked in the past
* His OT used “heavy work” to keep him focused
* Defining the end of the task, “After you finish 2 more, you can do X”
* Counting backward (5,4,3...)

Warning signs
Moderately upset
* Says “Grrrrr”
* A long, sad, whine/cry without tears.
* Short, piercing shouts
* Losing ability to talk, but can answer questions
What has worked in the past
* Help him find the words: “You can say, 'I'm mad' or 'I need help'”
* Talking about the problem may stress him further – watch carefully to see if it is helping or increasing his frustration.


Warning signs
Very upset
* Unable to answer questions.
* May repeat phrases like,“I don't like that.”
* Crying with tears.
What has worked in the past
* Getting a drink of water
* Wait until he can follow a simple request, “Can you hand me that?” before asking for more info.


Warning signs
Tantrum or Meltdown
* Hiding under tables, lying on floor,
* Trying to leave the room, or hysterical crying.
What has worked in the past
* Needs time and space to calm down.
* Don't try to have a conversation in this state. “Let me know when you're calm.”
* Keep directions short, “Please get off the chair.”

We would like to support you in every way possible and help make this a successful year for S. Please call, email, or text us any time:
[contact info]

Sincerely,
[our names]

Here's my first grade letter. I gave it to the teacher when we met before school started. Ideally I would've waited a couple of weeks, but the district behavioral specialist was coming the first two days of school and I wanted the teacher to really use her help.

August 30, 2012

Dear [Teacher],
Thank you very much for allowing S to meet you early and get acclimated in your classroom. I hope this letter will be helpful in planning for his challenges.

Medical overview:
* S has been diagnosed with both Aspergers (a mild form of autism) and ADHD.
* He takes 3 medications that help him to focus, reduce emotional outbursts, and reduce perseveration (his “brain getting stuck” on an idea.) We are still fine-tuning the dosages, and meet with his specialist monthly.
* It helps to give the doctor a weekly count of the number and severity of meltdowns he has and the amount of academic work he is completing.
* By the end of kindergarten, he was down to 1-2 minor meltdowns per week (independently going to a calming area and recovering in less than 20 minutes), and was completing most of the work he was directed to do (about a third of the work his peers completed.)

The district behavioral specialist recommended the following late last year:
* Academic work is motivated by computer time and creating his own “art projects”
* Reward system – complete short work assignment, immediately earn minutes of computer or art
* Ignore off-task behavior. Minimize interaction during meltdowns.
* Good behavior is rewarded like the rest of the class (smile clip chart and stars on the board), but perhaps more frequently. S is very motivated to select prizes from the prize box.

[The following was presented as a table. I've used -> to show the "what helped' colunn.]
Challenging setting
->What helped in kindergarten

Transition to speech and OT – dislikes therapy, embarrassed that classmates see him leave and return
-> Prepared for the transition 10-15 minutes ahead.
-> Sometimes allowed to pick a classmate to walk with him.

Music class – upset he can't play the instruments, finds songs with actions too hard to follow
-> Still very problematic. There was one good day where he pretended to conduct his own orchestra.

Snack/lunch – grossed out by the mess and bothered by noise
-> Allowed to sit apart during snack. At year end was sometimes sitting with friends and talking.

Large number of parents in the room due to art corps, class parties, class play, etc.
-> After performance portion is over, hung out on the playground instead of at the party

Art corps
-> Do the project 1:1 afterward.

Super Science – would attempt to mix chemicals to create his own experiments
-> [K teacher] sat with him to assist and supervise.

Art assignments – may strongly insist on putting his own spin on the instructions
-> Loose interpretation – for instance, when the class cut out Cat in the Hat, he drew the Lorax instead.

Recess – most often plays alone in the sandbox
-> Will play tag or ball games when invited. His best friends were [names]

S tends to show anxiety or over stimulation through increased movement and pacing. His loud expressions of frustration often seem out of proportion to the trigger. The most common triggers are frustration, disappointment, dislike of a task, being too hot/cold, extra adults in the room, or coming down with a cold. The following chart describes the meltdown warning signs to watch for:

[same chart as the previous post, with some updated suggestions]
Warning signs
-> What has helped in the past

Anxious or slightly stressed
* Pacing, roaming the room
* Physically still but his voice gets very loud.
* Begins to ignore direct requests.
-> Offering computer time or outdoor time
-> Offer to let him do a lap to earn a running club ticket
-> Defining the end of the task, “After you finish 2 more, you can do X”

Moderately upset
* Says “Grrrrr”
* A long, sad, whine/cry without tears.
* Short, piercing shouts
* Losing ability to talk, but can answer questions
-> Help him find the words: “You can say, 'I'm mad' or 'I need help'”
-> Talking about the problem may stress him further – watch carefully to see if it is helping or increasing his frustration.
-> Make-ups often need to wait until several hours after the incident.

Very upset, Minor Meltdown
* Unable to answer questions.
* May repeat phrases such as,“I don't like that.”
* Crying with tears.
* May try to evade adults who are following him
-> Ask yes/no questions – he may respond using sign language for yes and no
-> Wait until he can follow a simple request, “Can you hand me that?” before asking for more info.

Tantrum or Major Meltdown
* Hysterical crying, screaming, hiding under tables, rolling on floor
* Frequently able to take himself to calming area and hide in a small space or under beanbag
* May run through courtyards or to the hillsides
* May knock objects off desks
* May throw objects at adults who try to calm him
-> If held, may hit, kick, bite, or head butt.
-> Limit interaction. Talk as little as possible.
-> Keep directions short, “Please get off the chair.”
-> Avoid touching him unless necessary for safety.
-> Needs time and space to calm down.
-> Recovery may take 20 min – 2 hours.
-> After he has been calm for 10-15 minutes, you can try inviting him to rejoin an appealing class activity.
-> Pro-Act training


We would like to support you in every way possible and help make this a successful year for S. Please call, email, or text us any time:
[contact info]

Sincerely,
[our names]

I gave a spread sheet of "if thens" and then suggestions to help calm her down and avoid meltdowns. I skipped the niceties and put it in a handy dandy easy to access format.

I'd love to see your "if thens" -- I might pick up some ideas to try with my child!

Mine is not nearly as good! LOL! Might need to clean it up before sharing! I do have a better organized one that I did for my son that his school loved. I will have to see if I can find it.

Ha! It is very long...

Dear (teacher)

My daughter, (name) will be your 2nd grade student this year. She is diagnosed on the autism spectrum, and although her remaining issues are mild, I want to ensure that she continues to keep pace with her same-aged peers. She has had, literally, thousands of hours of intervention to get her where she is today and I want to keep her here. As of now, she is doing well overall, particularly academically, but she does still have some socialization issues and was in (psychologist)'s Friendship Club last year and I'd like to see her continue something like that.

A few notes that might help:

She does often transition more slowly than other kids her age, but you can expect her to do OK overall. What you might notice on the first day or the first few days is that she might start to look "spacey" and she may not respond verbally (she does have mild issues with selective mutism at times, though sometimes she can still write if you give her a paper and pencil. This is relatively rare and transient and has never been much of an issue, though it does happen) It is OK to physically guide her if this happens as she will not react negatively to being touched. In fact, sometimes it is a touch to her shoulder or arm that helps her "snap out of it." But sometimes when she becomes overwhelmed, she has a tendency to "shutdown" as opposed to "meltdown;" at it's worst, she may just put her head on the table and go to sleep. This is generally a sign that she is physically or emotionally overwhelmed. For the first few days, it may be best to allow it, but if it continues past that, please let me know so I can help figure out what is going on.

Generally speaking, as long as you explain to her what she is supposed to do, she is fine, though sometimes you need to address her individually instead of as part of a group to make sure she is understanding what is expected of her. The more explicit your directions are, and the more rules you can give her to follow, the better she will adjust and by the time she has it "all figured out," you will probably not notice that much difference between her and her peers, if any at all.

She may also burst into tears and I find that you can handle this the same way you would any other child her age.

Her typical progression is to start with nearly "model student" behavior, but as she gets more comfortable in the classroom and with her peers, you may see her becoming more inflexible, demanding, and bossy. While these behaviors need to be addressed, I do want to encourage you to remember that they are some of the symptoms of her autism. When and if they start happening (they did at summer camp this summer, so I am not confident she has moved past them), please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Regarding socialization: she is a fairly social child and does, in general, want to have and make friends. Sometimes, though, she does need alone time. If you notice her playing alone, it may either be because she doesn't know how to join someone else, or because she needs alone time. It is OK to ask her if she'd like to play with others or alone. She will tell you. I do find if she is made to play with others when she needs to be alone, it leads to shutdowns and further withdrawal.

She is very sensitive to perceived criticisms or rejections from peers. Sometimes they are real, but sometimes it is her misperception. A good example is last year, one of her classmates said "I have never seen a skirt that was made out of two skirts before" and (name) insisted the girl was being mean to her. It was just a neutral observation, but in (name)'s mind, because it was not an overtly positive statement, she viewed it as negative. It is important when she has difficulty with others to listen carefully to what happened to see if she needs help interpreting what happened in a less negative way. I should also note, however, that some kids do not like her. There were a group in afterschool last year who informed me on more than one occasion that they did not want to play with her because she always has to have things her way or only wants to play what she wants to play. These things about her are true from a child's perspective and I realize a 7 year old cannot be expected to understand that to some extent, she can't help these things. That is why I want her to continue with some kind of social learning so that an adult can help guide her.

I should also warn you about games. She can be an incredibly sore loser, though we are working on this and it is getting better. I can tell you the underlying thought process, because it might help you figure out what to do to manage it best. She understands that she cannot win every time and that no one else would want to play if they never got to win. What happens is, the larger the group becomes, the more infrequently she wins, and she is not able to see that if there are 10 kids playing, she might win once, and lose 9 times before winning again. All she sees is that she "never" wins. This is about the only thing I am aware of that might still cause a major outburst. For example, before we moved, she was playing a matching memory game with a group of students and in the middle of the game, she got up and knocked her chair over and declared "I never win!" Her teacher was puzzled because the game was not yet finished. But, when I asked (name) about it she said "Mommy, even if I won all of the rest, I wouldn't have had enough to win!" What we enforce with her at home are "good sport" behaviors like congratulating the winner and making the "losers" feel better ("Nice try! Maybe next time you will win.") She understands that it is not OK to brag or "cheer for yourself too much" after winning. Please reinforce this with her.

I am open to meeting as frequently or as infrequently as is necessary. I can be reached by text or cell phone at (number). Sometimes if something pops up, if you send me a quick text, I can tell you a quick fix.

In closing, she is a funny, smart, clever girl. She is an exceptional artist, is reading above her grade level, and in general enjoys school and learning. One thing I have noticed about her is she is hesitant to try new things sometimes and does better if she just sits and watches or listens. Then, when she feels confident, she will join in with enthusiasm. In many respects, her learning appears to come in leaps when you look at it from the outside, but sometimes I suspect that what really happens is a lot of internal rehearsal and practicing, which she then proudly shares with others when she is sure she "gets it." All of her teachers have enjoyed her, and most cry when she leaves. I do believe you will find her to be a positive part of your classroom and school, and I am willing to help make this happen in any way I can.

I wrote mine from DS's point of view - I haven't handed it out yet. My intention was to give a copy to all the teachers who interact with him each week including the PE teacher, art teacher, librarian, etc. If anyone has any thoughts, I would love to hear them!


"Hi, my name is C. I am 6 years old and I have high functioning autism (also known as Asperger’s Syndrome). I really want to do well in school but sometimes I have trouble doing things the same way as my classmates. I get really nervous sometimes like when I am with people I don’t know well or when I do not know what is going to happen next or when you ask me to do something I have never done before. I feel better when people explain to me what is going to happen before it happens.

I may not understand your instructions especially if the room is noisy or if people are moving around when you are talking. I can read really well so if you can give me written instructions, it might help me understand better. If you are giving me verbal instructions, please take the time to check and make sure I heard and understood you.

Sometimes I have a hard time understanding what people are talking about. I need people to say what they mean and mean what they say. Please try not to say things like “we are going to recess, AFTER we do our math worksheets”. This is confusing for me because going to recess and doing math don’t have anything to do with each other. If we have to do math first please say it first. Also, sayings like “your head is in the clouds” are very confusing for me.

When I am feeling overwhelmed, I may not be able to follow instructions and offering me a reward to try to get me to do something I can’t do isn’t very helpful. I really want to do well at school, I am just not always able to do well. If I am not following your directions, it is probably because I am frustrated, nervous, I don’t understand or I did not hear you because something else was distracting me. I am not trying to be stubborn or make you mad. Sometimes I just feel completely overwhelmed and I can’t participate anymore.

When people unexpectedly touch me, it makes me nervous and sometimes I react with an angry body or an angry voice. I am working on making good choices when I feel angry and I need your help with this. Please help me learn how to be a good friend with my classmates.

If you notice that I seem nervous, confused or frustrated, please give me a chance to take a break, away from other students if possible. The things you can do that will help me the most are:
• Review my visual schedule every day and refer back to it throughout the day
• Give me a warning or a “heads up” before transitions
• Help me come to a good stopping point with the current activity or allow me time to finish what I am working on
• Explain what is going to happen next and check to make sure I understand the explanation
• Write things down for me if I seem to be having a hard time understanding you
• Allow me a little extra time to respond to instruction
• Use clear, concise and concrete language as much as possible

I would like to be a great first grader and I thank you for your help!"

My daughter is going into 4th grade in a very small school with a teacher I am already friendly with, so these are the things I told her instead of writing a letter:
-----------------------------------------
Grace has Asperger's Syndrome, which is a high functioning form of Autism. Most of the time she can do all of the things typical students can do. She does not need any modifications to the level of work she is asked to complete.

Grace has trouble with organization so make sure she writes down assignments that need to be done. It needs to be as specific as possible because anything vague will cause a great amount of frustration for her. She is very good at following specific instructions, but they need to be precise and written if possible. I have placed a homework organizer in her book bag where she can log her assignments.

Grace chews objects and her shirt when she is concentrating or nervous. Please don't chastise her for this: it genuinely helps "center" her. Of course if she chews anything inappropirate please bring that to her attention.

Grace will become mute at times when there is group work or if she is called on in class. Please just move on and give her some time and she will re-engage once she is able. If at all possible, avoid calling on her publicly and prepare her for any oral presentation with advance notice. She has a great deal of social anxiety and having "all eyes on her" is very frightening for her.

Grace may look away from you while you are lecturing or speaking to her. She is actually listening to you very carefully, she just needs to avert her eyes to maintain the focus required.

Grace can be very perfectionistic and get "stuck" on things which don't seem important such as having the "right" pencil or writing words "just so". You can encourage her to move on if this happens but if she persists it is best to give her some time and she will re-engage once she works through it. If she starts to become agitated, you could suggest she take a walk to the office or get a drink or somthing that might help pull her attention away.

If she does become upset to a point she is crying, extremely agitated, or unresponsive, it is best to remove her to a quiet location until she calms down. If she becomes upset, it is best to keep her apart from the other students because if they ask her what is wrong or attempt to speak to her, she might perceive it as mockery and become further agitated. Sometimes giving her a simple task helps calm her down.

----------------------

I think if we were in a public school these things wouldn't be possible but because we are in a smaller situation they are able to take more precise suggestions like these and use them.

I have an idea for this. Teach your daughter the concept of probability. You can start off with dice. Each dice has 9 faces on it with dots representing 1-9. You can make this into a game that both of you can play.

First, I would ask her to count how many faces are on the dice.
Second, I would have both of you choose a number. After that, I would have her roll the dice.
Third, I would ask her how often would her number come up. The answer would be 1 out of 9.

Fourth, I would ask her how often does yours come up? The answer would be 1 out of 9.
Fifth, I would ask her how often would either of our numbers would come up? The answer would be 2 out of 9.
Sixth, to make it a bit fun I would ask her how often would both of our numbers would come up at the same exact time. The answer would be 0 out of 9 because this would be an impossible situation.

I would bring in more kids to roll the dice until there were eight kids and maybe 9. I would ask her If eight kids were rolling the dice what is the probability that anyone would win. The answer would be 8 out of 9. What is the probability that no one would win. The answer would be 1 out of nine. Let's say we had 9 kids. I would ask what is the probablity that someone will win? It would be 9 out of 9. Someone would win out of the group everytime. What about not winning? If there are 9 kids then there will always be a winner.

That is a good idea. Though I am not sure she would quite understand it yet. I'll keep it for when I think she will, though.

Thanks, but she may surprise ya. Try it and see what happens I would keep it simple though when starting out.

You could start off flipping a nickle and asking what are the odds of getting heads or tails? It is said that the odds of getting heads is 1 out of 2 and getting tails is 1 out of 2. I've always questioned this. Is there a possibility that the nickle could land on its' side? With your daughter I would just keep it simple right now and just accept that the nickle can only land on heads or tails.