something to watch out for(puberty)

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RightGalaxy
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15 Nov 2010, 9:56 am

How old where you when you first noticed the opposite sex as appealing??
When I hit puberty, I had no friends and watched a lot of television especially romantic interaction between adults (soap operas). I began to get a lot of sexual attraction towards adults which was NOT GOOD. I used to look for adults that physically resembled the actors. I'd flirt with them much to their surprise. I'd act seductively. It wasn't really me. I thought that I was supposed to be like this and to imitate what I saw on the TV. Some wives and other women went to my mother with concern. Most of the guys ignored it. But one waited until I was 16 to make a "real" move on me - that was only to protect him from statuatory rape not because he was decent. He was 30 and was flirting with me since I was 11. I turned him down with no problems afterwards. BUT that was only because a very aggressive male relative got wind of it through neighborhood gossip and grabbed him by the throat ASAP. That's where NT's can really save you sometimes. I think that pubescent kids on the spectrum should not be forced to be around the opposite sex but should be introduced and encouraged to make friends with opposite sexed peers on the spectrum or easy-going NT's to get them off of any potential habit that could get them molested by an adult. I feel they need to be taught to focus on their same-aged peers for eventual dating at least up to a certain age to where they have enough sense to look after themself and know better. Kids on the spectrum often have no clique to go on socials with.
But if they're left alone, have no friends, and get physical urges, they may end up in trouble.
They may self-gratify, sure. BUT they still might venture out because it's not just about the physical. They may still want a partner for companionship and all the rest too. They can have that but it has to be with the right people in the right way. They shouldn't try to make a fantasy a fact. It could end in tragedy. If a kid doesn't communicate or have friends that will rat them out to you, you'll never know what in the world happened. I was saved from that guy by the # 1 neighborhood gossip. Her bad habit served a good purpose. I've forgotten a lot of crazy things I've done as a young kid but raising my own children jog my memory a lot. It's very embarassing to remember all that stupid stuff but it does help you to raise your own kids better. I did some dangerous, crazy, stupid things when I was young. I'm lucky I'm alive.



ediself
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15 Nov 2010, 11:38 am

oh. I was the same. Lots of inappropriate flirting that ended in a "relationship"when i was 14 with a 32 y old guy. Not a very mature one, mind you, but i was into him....
but apart from that, i always had a good radar for weird vibes. Not until it was almost too late to run, but i knew some friends of my parents were looking at me weird, and once i had to flee the house of one of them as his wife was absent, he was alone at home and i was just popping in at lunch time looking for my mother. i was 13, but when he patted the couch next to him, i ran out the door without saying goodbye. i was never abused and i really think it is that pedoradar that saved me more than once.



Wallourdes
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15 Nov 2010, 11:39 am

Around 12 years old I began to get interested in the opposite sex. Sex drive was driving me nuts in those days.


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number5
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15 Nov 2010, 11:42 am

Wow, I never really considered this situation before. My kids are still quite young. I understand the additional vulnerabililty that can come with AS, but hadn't really considered the adult affection potentials. I'm already scared of my kids hitting puberty, but this sort of ups the fear level. That's not a bad thing, though, because this knowledge adds to my preparedness. My son, in particular, has always been quite fond of adults.

Coincidentally, I've recently become a little more aware of pedaphiles. Of course I always knew they existed, but I didn't realize that there even existed an accepting culture around the practice. I just found out about a week ago that NAMBLA is indeed a real organization (I originally thought it was just a joke) and then there's the recent story about amazon.com selling a book about the 'art' of pedaphelia. Amazon initially defended its sale by freedom of speech but has since removed the book from their inventory. It's a scary frickin' world out there! Thanks for the heads up.



ediself
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15 Nov 2010, 11:45 am

oh yeah :lol: those people actually believe in what they say, too! some of them will say that they would never touch a child against his will because they love children, but well, if he is willing.....
they are really weird weird people, and they connect around the world exchanging locations and "nice places"to visit, sometimes in foreign countries.
apalling really...........



Wallourdes
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15 Nov 2010, 11:54 am

Not meaning to make you all paranoid:
Most sexual abuse on children is done by someone the child knows, rarely by a stranger. :nerdy:


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ediself
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15 Nov 2010, 11:57 am

yep. that's true, of course. the paedophile would have to be attracted to the victim before making any move, so of course it takes knowing the kid. watch out for uncles, grandparents , friends, neighbours. They are the most likely to abuse your child, i would include "fathers"if i didn't fear the shower of insults .....



azurecrayon
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15 Nov 2010, 12:41 pm

one word of warning about that little list, dont look only at males, there are female pedophiles, too. its not as common but does still happen.

i would think this kind of predatory relationship would happen with autistic children in part because they often relate better to adults or older kids than their own peers. it may be easier for them to explore or test boundaries with someone not in their peer group. add in the natural impairment in reading non-verbal signals and they could easily get into situations not appropriate or safe. just like they are more vulnerable to mean kids their own age, they are more vulnerable to all predators.


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Peko
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15 Nov 2010, 12:44 pm

I've never found the opposite sex to be sexually appealing but some members are merely appealing personality wise & b/c they don't have boobies :wink:. But the opposite sex started giving me problems in 10th grade (2nd year of high school when I was 15-16). It gets worse or better depending on the guys I'm around at the time.


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15 Nov 2010, 1:20 pm

I never did find the opposite sex apealing. I'm 23 and still in the "boys are icky" phase. I feel the same about other women as well. Sex and relationships was never an issue for me. My parents NEVER had to worry about me running around with boys let alone getting pregnant. I never wanted to get married and have never changed my mind. I'm asexual.


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Wallourdes
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15 Nov 2010, 1:28 pm

PunkyKat wrote:
I never did find the opposite sex apealing. I'm 23 and still in the "boys are icky" phase. I feel the same about other women as well. Sex and relationships was never an issue for me. My parents NEVER had to worry about me running around with boys let alone getting pregnant. I never wanted to get married and have never changed my mind. I'm asexual.


No worries, it could be you are a late bloomer (link).


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TOGGI3
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15 Nov 2010, 1:39 pm

Wallourdes wrote:
PunkyKat wrote:
I never did find the opposite sex apealing. I'm 23 and still in the "boys are icky" phase. I feel the same about other women as well. Sex and relationships was never an issue for me. My parents NEVER had to worry about me running around with boys let alone getting pregnant. I never wanted to get married and have never changed my mind. I'm asexual.


No worries, it could be you are a late bloomer (link).


It could also mean she is just asexual, and that is OK too :)



Wallourdes
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15 Nov 2010, 1:44 pm

TOGGI3 wrote:
Wallourdes wrote:
PunkyKat wrote:
I never did find the opposite sex apealing. I'm 23 and still in the "boys are icky" phase. I feel the same about other women as well. Sex and relationships was never an issue for me. My parents NEVER had to worry about me running around with boys let alone getting pregnant. I never wanted to get married and have never changed my mind. I'm asexual.


No worries, it could be you are a late bloomer (link).


It could also mean she is just asexual, and that is OK too :)


Not shutting off that option, just suggesting the possibility exists.


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LostAlien
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15 Nov 2010, 3:04 pm

I developed early physically but later mentally (approx five years later).

There was a time that I recieved inappropriate attention (no sexual abuse) from a peer of my fathers, my father was distracted and I didn't know what to tell either of my parents apart from 'This guy makes me very uncomfortable'. My Mother only understood what I meant after I went up to my room, and he tried to touch her in an inapropriate manner (his wife was a small distance away). I had kept my distance because I really dislike strangers touching me, so he didn't touch me that way. I still feel sick about it.

Anyways, the reason I say this is because another child on the Spectrum may be in a similar situation. If I child says "x makes me feel uncomfortable", pay attention and ask why, it could be innocent like "they smell strange" but if they can't say, it could more serious.



PunkyKat
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15 Nov 2010, 3:38 pm

TOGGI3 wrote:
Wallourdes wrote:
PunkyKat wrote:
I never did find the opposite sex apealing. I'm 23 and still in the "boys are icky" phase. I feel the same about other women as well. Sex and relationships was never an issue for me. My parents NEVER had to worry about me running around with boys let alone getting pregnant. I never wanted to get married and have never changed my mind. I'm asexual.


No worries, it could be you are a late bloomer (link).


It could also mean she is just asexual, and that is OK too :)


I AM asexual.


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