Butting in

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DD has a tendency to speak without stopping to think. I have the same tendency. Recently, this got her into trouble.

I am curious, esp. from teens and young adults here, how you learned when it is appropriate to step in (for example, to help a friend) and when it is best to stay out of others' discussions. Is there anything that I can offer to help her -- or should I let her figure this out via experience?

If a friend tells me of a problem they have, I assume they want my input. If two people are engaged in a "closed" conversation, I generally do not offer my input unless it pertains to directions. However if I do feel I have something beneficial to say and that it's particularly pertinent, it is appropriate to introduce yourself into the conversation by saying "I'm sorry to intrude but I couldn't help but to overhear (whatever)," and from there I will proceed to find out of they are receptive to hearing what I would like to say, and if so, I will say it.

However I rarely do this.

If it is a casual group situation, like in a waiting room, and two people are talking simply because they happened to end up in the same waiting room and have something to talk about, I usually feel that is an open forum in which I am free to comment.

This is a tough area to teach, because the rules are so subtle. I think social stories and role playing helps, and maybe they work on it in lunch bunches or social skills classes, but mostly you probably just have to keep breaking down the situations where it has gone wrong, and praising the situations where it's been done right.

What you need to avoid is having her become afraid to talk at all. So, be careful not to let it sound like a horrible thing if she sometimes breaks in appropriately. Everyone makes mistakes with this at times; even the most socially skilled NT's.

Thank you both. The main thing I want to avoid is making her afraid to talk.