Help, please!

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Hiya!

I'm new here, but have been advised to post my question in this forum, so here goes:

My Daughter is 17 years old and I am worried that she shows signs of being on the autistic spectrum.
She was born by emergency c section following placental abruption and had a APGAR score of 0 on delivery. She was resucitated for 5 minutes and then her APGAR rose to 7.
She was slow to talk as a baby, but did walk quite early.
She has gone through several experiences in her life including - school phobia, separation anxiety disorder and bullying. As a young child she seemed to be very paranoid about people talikng about her and has always struggled to maintain relationships with her peers. She seems to suffer from a huge lack of empathy for other people and often talks very sharply to people without reason.
She has a habit of cutting all the tags out of her clothes as they "annoy" her and insists on wearing 3 - 4 pairs of socks, whatever the weather!
She is dyslexic and has learning difficulties. However, when other people meet her she comes across as a "normal" teen.
When we are disciplining her about something, she doesn't seem to be "with us" - it's as if the lights are on, but no-one at home a lot of the time.
I'm concerned that if I go to my GP with my worries, I will be accused of over-reacting!
Help!!
Many thanks

I had the same issues with tags in clothing. I also had some odd quirks with socks, I would roll them down around my ankles. You don't seem like you are over reacting. I would get the advice of psychologist--not a GP--unless you are going to the GP to have a psychologist recommended to you.

Hi Welcome to WP.

Your daughter has a history very much like my own daughter. My daughter also has some other issues. My point would be that if your daughter does have AS, seeing a GP might not be necessary as there is no medical treatment for AS. The way you need to deal with her issues is basically on a item by item basis. For instance, her "checking out" while disciplined may be her coping mechanism for dealing with something she finds too difficult. A lot of our kids are highly sensitive and can misinterpret typical disciplinary techniques as attacks on them. I would suggest you learn about other techniques such as Collaborative Problem Solving.

The other things you mention can be dealt with simply by being a little more in tune to how she is thinking and perceiving and giving her a little extra guidance on things such as empathy and social skills. If your daughter is AS, you are coming to this realization a little late so it may take a longer time in rethinking your old ways of dealing with things. That is the biggest part of parenting a child with AS in my opinion: changing your behavior and perceptions to help them overcome their most debilitating issues. Conditioning them does not seem to work but guidance, modeling, and giving them the extra support goes a long way in helping their self esteem.

Some other members with children your daughter's age may be able to offer you some more insight.

Good luck.

I should have mentioned though that it isn't really that bad to have HFA (high functioning autism) depending on if you know how to cope with it and what characteristics it comes with as it is different for everyone (it can even be an advantage in some careers). I have done relatively well in college (although just more recently I have had some problems due to some issues with anxiety and depression, but that is from social isolation and the fact that I only recently found out about my syndrome) and I had a really good internship at a software company. So I think you may be overreacting in that you seem to be slightly panicked, which isn't warranted from a diagnosis of HFA.

Have you discussed your concerns with your daughter? If she's gotten this far, she's probably capable of making decisions about her own needs, and should be the first person in the conversation...if she doesn't want to go to a doctor, you aren't going to be able to do much

I would get out a couple of books (I think there is a list stickied to the top of this forum) and read through them together; I think there's a book specific to teens that Alex did a video about...ah, here it is: http://www.wrongplanet.net/article384.html

Thank you all so much for your comments, they have been a big help!

My Daughter is aware of my concerns and is happy to see a GP, so I think that'll be our next step to see about a referral to a psychologist.

She did see a Psychologist about 6 years ago for her separation anxiety disorder and school phobia and was given cognitive tests - the results of which I have somewhere! The Psychologist didn't actually mention any particular problems, but did suggest we took her out of mainstream school and put her into special education. However, at the time, the high school she was attending assured us that they could support her as necessary.

She is now attending a full time College course and whilst her progression coach has said she will probably complete the course, she has already failed one placement due to not being able to "fit in" with the staff there.

The main reason that this has only just seemed to become more real in my mind is down to a) her recent problems at college and b) it has only been within the last couple of years that we found out the full facts surrounding her birth as we had started legal proceedings against the hospital concerned. At the actual time of her birth, we were simply told that she'd had problems breathing and it was only when we were in receipt of all her records that we discovered the full extent of her problems.

I understand that there is no medical treatment as such, but I suppose it is simply a case of understanding her behaviour better and learning how to deal with it.

Thanks again
Jo

Sounds like you are on the right track, then.

Depending on where you are located, trying to find the name of a psychologist who deals with ASP and is happy to do an assessment and then to take that name to the GP may be an idea. In Australia we get psychologist fees covered under the health system if we are referred by a GP. That does not mean that we cannot bring in the name of a psychologist that we think may be of assistance to us. I found my psychologist and then got the referral to her, did the same with the occupational therapist. The local austism society helped me to find them.

Thanks again

We are in the UK, so, as in Australia, any referral would be covered by the NHS. I'll have a look around to see if I can find a Pyschologist who is suitable and try and get the referral from my GP.

You guys have been brilliant and I really appreciate it. It's not easy reading that my fears may well be correct, but at least if we do get a diagnosis, my Daughter will be understood by more people.

Jo

First I'd like to say, I don't think it's unusual to cut the tags out of things, wear three pairs of socks, nor do I think it's unusual for people to tune others out who are telling them things they don't want to hear.

Because you daughter had a prolonged lack of oxygen at birth, what you may be seeing could very well be the result of mild brain damage. Not all brain damage causes notable cognitive slowness.

You can certainly request to have your daughter evaluated. It might be beneficial to at least have an LD evaluation.

But I also have to ask, what do you hope to get out of this? For some people, learning their is a "reason"/name for how they are, is beneficial because it gives them a focus for improvement, or it gives them a sense of personal understanding or some such thing, for others, it only serves to be a hinderance to affordable health insurance, when it really shouldn't.

Thanks for your comment Chronos and I understand the points you have made.

As for the reason why we would like this cleared up; I, as her Mother, feel that I have maybe let my Daughter down over the last 17 years, by not knowing if there was more I could have done for her - special school, better parenting, etc. My relationship with her is currently very strained and maybe if I understood where she was coming from a little more, this would get easier.

I also feel that she should be getting more support from her College and, as wrong as it is, a "label" may help her get this. I am certainly not intent on wasting NHS services or the like, but just feel that I and my family need to be educated on how to care for my Daughter properly.

I have, of course, discussed minor brain damage with numerous doctors over the years, but, in my opinion, have always been fobbed off and told that she would have cerebral palsy if she had been starved of that much oxygen. I have, however realised, as you say, that there are varying degrees of brain damage and this is also something I would want exploring.

I just need to start somewhere to discover if there is a reason behind my Daughter's behaviour.

Jo

Are you the praying type? Seriously. I would pray to be lead to the correct route. See, if you start seeing specialists, they see will see in your daughter only what they specialize in -AS or otherwise. I think I would start with generalists who are really good at diagnosis (whatever that means).
For my 9yo, I began with a therapist b/c of his suicidal thoughts. We had no idea he has AS. She has been all we need right now b/c we homeschool already and all his defiance has gone away due to me understanding AS from the AS perspective - thanks to this forum and Tracker's online book. In fact, he doesn't even need the therapist now but might need a specialist in the future.

Nope, not the praying type to be honest!

I'm expecting many hurdles to get in the way. I already feel like I've spent the last 17 years getting nowhere when talking to people about my Daughter and her problems!

My Mother works for the local Primary Care Trust (Health Service) and I have sought her advice on the best GP at my practice to start with, so I now have an appointment set-up. It's not until the 27th January (but that makes me feel he must be good if he's that busy!)

I'm going to follow the advice of another forum member and try and seek out the name of a psychologist that specialises in this area and take that name to the GP, although if my GP advises we see and General Physician first then I will go along with that! I imagine it's a process of elimination.

It just frustrates me knowing that if I'd been informed of the true circumstances surrounding her birth, I may have sought advice much earlier in her life.

Thanks
Jo