What to make of this behavior? UPDATED

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We've been dealing with this behavior with our son for some time and the reactions seem to be getting more intense. Sometimes dh and I don't know whether to laugh or put him in a time out or what.

Any time dh tries to kiss, hug, or depending on his mood, come in the bedroom with me in there, he is ready to physically stop the affection. We get head butts into the embrace to break it up, slaps and fists in the back and butt. My son seems to be dead serious as he is doing this. No play fighting. The fists are hard and slightly painful depending on how it lands. Now as of today, it's getting to kicks.

I swear I have no idea what on earth is possessing this kid to do this.

We have asked him about it and don't get any real answer. It's always something like, no you can't do that. It doesn't matter if I initiate or my husband.

We joke about this, but I am really wondering if he will just outgrow it or it'll get worse. The "shadow" as we call him is always there watching for the most remote possibility of physical contact between the two of us.

Any thoughts or ways to discipline are most welcome

I don't think that the problem here is a lack of discipline, but more so a lack of communication.

If I understand the problem correctly, your child is trying to interfere with your affectionate behavior towards your spouse. This is likely because he has been told by somebody that affectionate behaviors are not appropriate. I am not sure where this message came from, but most likely somebody told him that he shouldn't go around hugging random strangers. Perhaps he was being overly affectionate to people he isn't related to (as is typical of a young child who doesn't understand the difference between a kiss from mommy vs. kissing a random stranger), and his teacher told him to stop it.

However, the problem is likely that he misunderstood the rule he was given. Instead of understanding the idea that he shouldn't show signs of affection to random strangers, he instead got the idea that showing any signs of affection to anybody is bad. And as such, when he sees you showing signs of affection to your spouse, he thinks that you are breaking the rule (which he sees as very unfair and aggravating because he views the rules as important). As such, he tries to force compliance with the rule (as he understands it) in order to make things fair.

Of course the solution is to sit down with him and explain the rules regarding appropriate expressions of affection with more details and explanations. Tell him which situations he should and should not be expected to show affection, when it is proper, when it is improper, etc. Explain why can a husband be affectionate with a wife but two young boys can't be affectionate with each other. Once you clear that up, he will probably better understand why it isn't a problem for you two to be affectionate with each other, and you will have less problems with your child. Do keep in mind however, that multiple explanations may be necessary, as this is a complex issue, and he may not understand everything the first time.

Furthermore, while this is not related to your question directly, I do have some advice that I hope you take VERY seriously. The next time your child acts in a 'strange' way, don't go about looking for 'ways to discipline' him in order to fix the problem. The vast majority of the time, the odd behaviors is mostly due to a misunderstanding, or a poorly met need, or some other factor besides naughty behavior. And as such, disciplining him really isn't going to resolve the underlying issue, it is just going to aggravate him, which will likely make the problem worse.

It makes him feel uncomfortable.

Well, I'm no Freudian, but it sounds like he's literally acting out his Oedipal complex...

If its not as Tracker suggests, is there any chance that unbeknownst to you someone tried to explain the birds and the bees to him and he is possibly trying to make sure you don't have another baby?

One of the blogs I occasionally read offered this general advice on inexplicable behaviors:
http://dontmesswithmrin-between.blogspo ... id-so.html

What I like about this article is that it shows how careful you need to be in asking questions of a kid with AS; you will only figure things out if you ask the right question (I don't know if your 5yo is verbal) The flip side is that they will tend to be more upfront with information than an NT kid, so if you ask the right questions, you can trust the answers

OK, so I had a chat with my son after dragging him away from one of his miniature beat downs. I sat him down and grilled him about why he hates for us to be near each other. He says, "Cuz...cuz...cuz, You're always trying to be with him, he's supposed to be with me. You're supposed to be with J and H (sisters). You can't mix."

Makes no sense to me.

I still stand by the "he made up his own rule" here.

Any other additional thoughts?

Sounds like he is categorizing. Grouping the boys together and the girls together! LOL! Sounds like you are at least making some headway!

thats quite interesting! i would have thought he was jealous and wanted to keep your husband away from you, not the other way around.

could he be needing more one on one time with his father? maybe some boy time together?

another idea would be to make a concerted effort for the three of you to interact in a physically affectionate manner. keep the focus on him but with both of you involved, a giant squishy hug, a tickle session on the floor, something like that that involves physical touch and affection.

im curious, does he express physical affection with you? or is the no boy-girl interaction include mother-son affection?