Will it get easier?

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I feel like it's getting harder as my son gets older and he is only 6 years old. Is it going to just keep getting harder? I am at my wits end some days. I just feel like nothing goes smooth ever!! ! Like can't I get an easy day every once in a blue moon? Unless I do everything exactly the way my son wants it is constant meltdowns and anger. I don't do everything how he wants and there you have my bad days. Will this improve with age? I feel really lost right now. I pulled my son from kindergarten to homeschool and although that improved some areas of his behavior, it has added a new dimension of me NEVER getting a break. I don't regret my decision, something had to change. The school wasn't working out.

I know exactly how you feel! I would feel this way and no one around me could understand so I was also fighting the criticism of others.

Yes it does get better. As for homeschooling, make sure you make things light enough that you can take time to observe what he does well, when, how, under what circumstances etc. and have your son get educational testing which includes and IQ test. You want to tailor his schooling to how he learns best.

There is a system that might help you called Sue Patrick's Workbox system which was created with autistic kids in mind. Look it up - there is a book, Webinars and workshops to teach about it. Basically you have numbered shelves, boxes, bins or bags where you place the work for each subject each morning. He does each lesson in each box per instruction and puts the finished work in your in-box. So he can see the boxes empty and gets excited about his progress. For some stuff he has to bring you the materials and you teach it right then.

I used to get plastic Easter eggs and put cereal and raisins in them to add to a few of the boxes. For kinder, you shouldn't have many boxes. Include what he might consider to be silly things in a few boxes.

Get him out in public so you get a change of pace. See what is offered at the library, take nature walks, find other homeschoolers for play dates and field trips. Hopefully you have a spouse who can give you breaks sometimes in the evenings or weekends.

It definitely gets better. Kids learn and grow and mature.

But the road is long and, at times, very very difficult. It will get more difficult. And easier. And more difficult again. And then one day it might actually stay easier and you finally let out your breath.

Please remember to take care of yourself. Remember that you ARE in this for a long haul, and you can't do your best job if you let your gas tank run empty. This is so very, very important to being the parent our kids need: we HAVE to take care of ourselves. That balance will be much more important long run than serving the perfect healthy food, teaching every last thing, having a clean house, trying to get your child to mature at someone else's expected pace, and so on.

Patience and the ability to let a lot of things roll were so very crucial during my son's younger years; I did what it took to make sure I had that.

I homeschool my ASD son as well. And while it is super hard on me, NO BREAK EVER...it is the best decision for him. he is now 8, and it is better then when he was 6 in some ways so there is hope!

Things definitely got harder with my DS going from 4 to 5 to 6. We pulled him out of a horrible public school situation at age 7 (it was so bad the other parents in the class staged a boycott), and things have been getting better and better since then. Just getting out of the school and ending the immediate crisis was a huge relief, but it took about 6 months to really see that things were getting better. A little over a year later, we're walking around saying, "Wow. Things are so much better!" At 8, DS is so much calmer, the meltdowns are fewer, and he's making huge progress socially. He's been able to do things like join the cub scouts and behave well in the meetings, which seemed impossible just a year ago.

Hang in there, it may take time to figure out what works, but it's likely to get better over time.

Some of it just depends on how aware they are and how much control they have at a given time. I am sure there are common ages when this awareness happens, but I hesitate to look at it that way, because kids are so individual to when they hot these points.

My son is really just at the start of understanding things, now. I don't know how much of that was a change in stress level, and how much is development. When we were at the walking on eggshell stage, we really did scaffold the heck out of things, so that we could minimize the meltdowns. That was our main goal, over everything else. It got better, but it took time and maturity.

We homeschool, and I have most of the work slated for the beginning of the day, when he is freshest. I have lots of downtime built in, which is why I have school scheduled for the whole day, even though we don't really need to. He has art and music, everyday, and time to be creative and independent. He has recess and "P.E" to get his stress down and I do not take recess away for "behavior" unlike the school.

Your son will have his own unique rhythms and interests and you will want to account for those as best you can. Predict what he is rigid on, and try to stay within those parameters the best you can. Challenge him when there are windows of opportunity, but if they aren't there, don't force it.

As far as not getting a break, I understand. Eventually he will be able to do some of his work independently so you are not hovering and can make yourself tea, play video games, or read part of a book, (or whatever relaxes you.) for some of it.

I felt the same way that you do, but my son is now 13 and he is significantly, I mean SIGNIFICANTLY better. All kinds of things I thought he'd never be able to do on his own, he now does: walk to school, do his homework, tie his shoes, ride a bike, get through dinner without melting down...the list is long.

I also know that we're probably not done yet, but through his development we've had "breaks" where his development was more synchronous with the kids around him and life was easier for him...and thus, easier for us. Now that I understand that, I can be prepared that the good times are just as much of a phase as the difficult ones, but that each time we're dealing with new problems, not re-hashing the old, so he's definitely growing and changing and on his way to adulthood.

Don't underestimate how hard this is for you: see if you can get help. Believe it or not, many states still offer respite care to parents who can't afford it on their own...contact your department of Healthy or Human Services. If not, see if there's a local charity that can help you out. You need a break to be able to manage this - it's a superhuman effort.

Thank you all for your replies. It does make me feel better. My boy is starting to come back since being out of school for about one month. He is starting to become more connected, expressive, affectionate again. He really was shutting down because of school.
I think the biggest thing lately is he flies off the handle into a yelling fit. Often times for no reason. I am beginning to wonder if he has tourette's. He always has had this thing where he clenches his fist, brings them to his face, and grimaces. It's actually cute and he often does it when he is extra excited about something. After his diagnosis I thought this may be considered a stim. Lately he has been doing a lot of throat clearing and also a gulping sound. The more I researched I found this could be a tic, and I began to wonder if his other clenched fists/grimace is also a tic. Now he has begun yelling for no reason. Like "I hate you" , "you idiot", etc. There is no reason for it and when I ask why he says "it was an accident" and then he will hug me and tell me he loves me.
Does anyone think this could be tourette's?