Son in early intervention, no diagnosis yet. New to WP.

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Hello all! I was hoping that you reading this might be able to help me. First, a little history.

My son's name is Émile and he is now 15 1/2 months old. By 10 months he still wasn't crawling and my wife and I were worried he might have some something going on but as it turns out he skipped crawling altogether and began walking rather well just after 10 months. Using that as a barometer, I stopped "measuring" my son and began to truly understand the mantra "All kids are different and will develop at their own pace." So I was a bit slow to recognize some possible indicators thinking "Just like the walking/crawling thing, he'll do this or that when he's ready." That's a demon I know I'll be wrestling for the rest of my life, thinking that I failed my son so early.

He's now 15.5 months old. Still hasn't spoken a word (he says dada, mama but not in reference to me or mom, just sounds to make). Physically he seems to be advanced for his age (he was picking up basketballs and throwing them by 8 months of age) but his cognitive, verbal, and social skills seem to be a bit behind.

Some behavior he exhibits/doesn't exhibit:
-Has fantastic eye contact and can hold it for 10+ seconds
-Likes to spin things. For instance he has a Little Tikes shopping cart that he likes to push around but he will also tip it over and spin the wheels.
-Has never been a consistent sleeper. He is less likely to sleep through the night as he is to wake up.
-Doesn't really seek out other kids to play with in Daycare (he's been in Daycare since 3 months - my wife has a Daycare at her job).
-Doesn't try to take back toys that other kids have taken from him.
-Likes to headbutt things, mostly my face.
-When you tickle him he laughs (has such a great laugh!) and if you pull your hand away, he reaches for it and wants more tickling.

When my wife and I observe him we see some identifiable symptoms but then some things which seem to indicate hope of him being neurotypical. We have gotten Early Intervention involved and have had two appointments already.

The first was a hearing test. They determined he heard fine although he does have some excess fluid in his ears.

The second test was a 6 point evaluation. He did not pass 4 of them. This was today. My wife has the exact printout of the report which I'll get to see tonight when I get home.

Our next step is the neurologist in 2 weeks to find out for sure what is going on. But I wanted to get ahead of the game and ask you fine folks. If my son is diagnosed, that's fine. I know it's not the end of the world. Normal for my son is whatever he turns out to be. My job is to be a good daddy and help him in all the ways I possibly can. That said, are there any recommendations out there? Books, movies, websites, etc. I'm glad I found WrongPlanet as there seems to be A TON of reading I need to do and I am thankful for such a reservoir of knowledge although ultimately wish such a thing were not even necessary.

Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Dan

If statement 2 is accurate, then statement 1 becomes non sequitur.

You'll find few here who would disagree with statement 2.

"Different" is not "damaged"

You haven't failed your son so early. If early intervention is the right answer for him, you are right on schedule for getting into it. You've got the early catch; seriously, this is an early catch.

As for the other question, about what we think ... it is pretty much impossible for anyone here to get a solid feel for if a child is or isn't on the spectrum from a post, but since you've already got local professionals involved, I don't think you really need us to try. Know that each child on the spectrum is still a unique individual, and few meet all the diagnostic criteria. And, on the flip side ... there are perfectly normal children that have an AS trait or two so, go figure. Time tends to make it much more clear.

As a parent, I firmly believe that we know it in our hearts when the experts have called it right. I know I did; as surprised as I was by the word, as soon as I had done a little research, I just knew that AS fit my child. So, as you go through the diagnostic process, remember to keep tuned into your parental instincts. Do your reading, and see what feels right. They don't know your child like you do, and if they recommend something that isn't sitting well with your or your wife, get more opinions. Nothing here is an exact science; it is all still experimental, but most ASD kids are doing leaps and bounds better than they might have just 20 years ago.

Well, my sons have both been very physically active and strong from a very young age. Both lifted their heads right after being born and rolled over (then nurses freaked, I laughed). I am Aspie and my husband is Spectrum and both our sons are spectrum

The older of the two is a 3 year old with a significant speech delay. He was diagnosed with is called Apraxia. Pretty much he thinks at and above age level and tries to communicate but the thought to speech part gets jumbled and he can't put the sounds he knows into intelligible words (can say most of the alphabet in singular sounds). The other is 21 months and only says a few words. They both have the sensory seeking behavior you describe for your son (the tickling and then wanting more).

One thing to do if he is particularly physical is start learning basic sign language. It has been shown that the fine motor skills of learning the alphabet signs and other sign-language skills actually corresponds to the brain learning how to use the tongue for language as well. Since he is sensory-seeking try doing very intense sensory stuff with him, tickling, climbing, running, things that get him engaged. Any kind of development that the child is working on now that they enjoy is good to embrace. Don't force drills and speaking stuff on him or try to force him to use words to get things until you've gotten a good start with a speech therapist because it can frustrate him and make him not use words.

You may have a neurotypical kid who just has a speech delay. It is pretty common for boys to have a speech delay, and many have advanced physical development (my oldest stood and was cruising before he ever learned how to crawl) but their brains can only do so many things at a time. Give it time to balance back out. Early Intervention programs can be helpful, but make sure that you've got good people working with you...some of the school systems I've worked with on that have been dreadful! I would say that getting him evaluated to make sure there is nothing physically wrong is good, but don't get overly worked up in labels at this point.

He has a long way to go before there is an issue about delayed speech and many kids don't really worry about playing with others at his age. Obviously having a speech therapist help him get on track is great whether he has a disorder or simply is just a little late working on that part of his development.

http://www.speech-language-development.com/

That is a good resource for finding things on speech development.

http://autism.about.com/

That is a good resource for finding things on autism/autistic spectrum.

Oh and whatever you do, don't try magic pills or crap that says they "cure" autism. Vitamins can help any kid, but you don't need speciality stuff. Identifying allergens can be helpful, but do a legitimate doctors test for such things because there is an entire market feeding of parents' fears that their child needs to be "cured."

First off, thanks for the responses.

I just meant it's a demon in terms of there were signs earlier that I dismissed due to what happened with his crawling and then subsequent walking. And if instead of applying that situation to everything else, I would have made it a point to do something about these behaviors earlier, why we could have gotten early intervention involved months ago. My wife's instincts were right but she quelled them due to my insistence that he would do things when he was ready.



I hope I didn't give that impression. Being new here both in terms of the community and Aspergers, I was sure it was a simple inevitability that I might step on a toe or two regarding etiquette and such but if I did/do it's purely unintentional.



I realize it's akin to asking you what I look like over the Internet but I also know that like you said, this isn't an exact science yet and actual parents of and people with Aspergers tend to know more than the medical community does. Hence why I'm here.

@Darmysticdream: Thank you for sharing your personal story! One thing I keep going over is the genetic factor. In the small amount of reading I've done, I keep seeing the connection of autism/aspergers to parent(s) who have it or relatives. However I can't seem to pinpoint anyone in mine or my wife's families who have it. The closest I can come is one of my wife's sisters who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

And no worries. We're not looking for any magic pills. My wife and I both come from hard working families and know you have to work at anything. We're very wary of chemicals and medicines and prefer common sense/natural courses of action.

Thanks again for your time and words.

-Dan

Try looking for very small pieces of it. Have you heard of the article by Steve Silberman (?) from Wired, called the Geek Syndrom? Alex (the creator of this site) actually did an interview with him a few months ago. Anyway, that was the article that really struck a chord with me. I come from a family of what might be described as geeks. Engineers, scientists, tax accountants ... We're all a little socially awkward, but social none-the-less. But if you take one person with a few quiet (no one ever noticed) AS genes and they marry another person with a few quiet (no one ever noticed) AS genes, the child could end up with a lighter dose, or a much heavier dose and, if the later, actually "be" AS. Unlike any of the parents. Layer on some yet to be identified environmental factors, and the obviousness of the AS traits could increase more. It's all speculation and theory at this point, but we're seeing strong trends on this board of connections to ADD, various forms of depression, anything "quirky," genius, and so on. If your entire family is filled with highly successful salesmen, well, then, that will be a different conversation

I should also note, there was a time, not that long ago, when it was considered within the range of normal for some kids to not speak. Growing up, the boy next door didn't talk until he was 5. My friend's son, 20 years ago, didn't talk until he was 4. Back then, what parents looked for was a simple, "is the child understanding me? Is he finding a way to communicate his needs?" If the answer was yes, the conventional wisdom was not to worry about it. How many of these kids have since been discovered to actually be ASD, I don't know, but I do know the neighbor boy went on to make his fortune in Silicon Valley, and my friend's son eventually tested gifted and is now a university student. So ... while it is great to look for certain markers and get kids into early intervention when it might be needed, because we do believe these measures prevent a lot of issues from taking shape and improve the odds for positive outcomes, I'm not convinced that every instance actually means something. Some may, some may not. Time will tell.

Also ... I'm so used to getting down to business that I've forgotten to say welcome. So, welcome!

First of all, every case of autism is different, so at 15 mos, I don't think you have failed your son. It is very difficult to diagnose a child at that early of an age. My son was diagnosed at 2.5 yrs of age (which I thought was early), but he is definitely on the spectrum. However, my son was a VERY LATE WALKER, so I don't think early walking is always an indicator.

I think you are doing the right thing getting early intervention for your son. My son started speech therapy at 18 mos, and he is VERY verbal at this point, and is progressing fairly well. He is 5 yrs old, and he speaks in full sentences that make sense most of the time.

The best thing you can do for your son is give him lots of love and attention, and try to stay engaged with him as much as possible. I think you are a good father, so I would let go of the feelings that you have failed your son in any way. 15 mos. is VERY early, so things could really improve, and you really won't know for sure until your child is at least 2.5 or 3.

Hang in there, and Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Speech therapy can be started very early!
I was very late (my son started when he was turning 3, but he improved much in 2 months), but it could be decisive to start so early.

Thanks for the warm welcomes.

I'm going to have to poke around the interwebs and try to find that article from Silberman, DW. Sounds quite interesting. My wife was notorious in her childhood for being able to play by herself and being a rather quiet child. However in her teen years to now she is a social beast and has a very warm and magnetic personality. So maybe that's the bit of AS genes that you spoke of. Definitely something that warrants more research. My family before me and my brother were all blue collar.

I am definitely keeping in mind that like fingerprints, every case of autism is different. Another motivating factor for me coming here. I figure the wonderful folks here at WP have pretty much experienced the full gamut of symptoms and indicators and could clue me in much better than a pediatrician or doctor.

My relationship with my family has been strained the past few years but we do occasionally talk and when I informed her of what was going on she said my brothers' son didn't speak his first word until he was 3 and that they got early intervention involved when he was @ 18 months and he had a speech therapist work with him for an hour a day...so that's something.

Anywho, thanks again and have a great weekend all!

-Dan

Just wanted to post an update...I started this thread when our son was 15.5 months old.

On January 10th, Émile turned 18 months old.

At 16 months we had our assessment at a well respected children's hospital here in NJ. The neurologist said he has mild autism.

Shortly thereafter we had our EIP assessment and they found that he was behind in several areas. His gross motor was advanced. Speech was at 5-month old level. Social was 7-month level. Fine motor was 9-month level. SO he is well behind in a few areas.

We bought a home in mid-December so we didn't want to start EIP until after the move so that he could get used to the change. Everything went off great and the much bigger space and openness of the house as compared to the apartment, seemed to be a positive change for him.

We were given a speech therapist and an occupational therapist, both coming once a week for 1 hour each. However we've only actually had 2 sessions from each - there always seems to be some sort of excuse from the therapists (car broke down, had throat surgery - this the day before she was supposed to come, etc.). We're placing a call with our caseworker to see if we can get new therapists. Makes me intensely angry.

As for Émile, some info. about his behavior:
-He has all but stopped spinning wheels on toys. He now knows how to properly play with a toy car. He may occasionally spin wheels but it's a rarity.
-Still doesn't speak any words but he's really babbling a lot and using phonetics.
-Will give you high-5 when asked.
-Still great eye contact and loves touch and intimacy.
-Has no problems with textures. Can't use a utensil to eat but has no problems eating with hands.
-Occasionally walks on tiptoes.
-Took only 3 nights to properly sleep train him. Will not sleep through the night and self-soothe if he awakes.
-Very impatient. If he hears me or my wife grab the car keys (to unlock the door to get mail, or to remote start the cars in the morning), he throws a mini-tantrum. When we are all leaving in the morning and I put his coat on, he gets very impatient and will not let me get my shoes or coat on. He just wants to be picked up and brought out to the truck.

One thing that really struck me was a visit this weekend. My wife invited one of her co-workers, Denise, over who has a son that is 20 months old and is in the same daycare class with our son (the daycare is in my wife's building). Denise's son was very alert, had a good vocabulary, ate with a utensil, tried bouncing a large ball, tried to put his shoe back on when it fell off and I told him to put it back on, etc. Just observing the two of them together you could see that he was more advanced than our son - to the point where I found myself doubting if he was on the mild end but rather more serious than anyone thought.

I'm just a bit bewildered at this point. The EIP so far has stunk and seriously disappointed us. This mild diagnosis is like having someone you were dating tell you "It's not you, it's me." It's vague and leaves more questions than it provides answers.

Just feeling lost...

Hi EmilesDad-

First of all I think you need a big hug!! ! Thanks for posting the update. I know this is a very difficult time with so much uncertainty involved. Your son is still very young, and he has so much to learn. The first thing to remember now, is to not compare him to ANY OTHER CHILD. Because he is unique. He will be able to learn things. It is just going to take him more time. I know it is natural to want to compare him to other children. This is okay to a degree to get an idea of where other kids are, but you have to let it go then and just focus on your child. This is one of the things that was very hard for me. My son did not walk until he was 21 mos old, and he is now 5.5 and he is running and climbing and jumping. He is walking up stairs. I can remember those days before he walked. I was a complete wreck, not knowing what was going on with my son. But with faith and a lot of work, my son learned.

As far as therapy goes----therapy is good, and it will give you ideas to work with your son. But keep in mind, it is only for a couple of hours a week, so you and your wife are going to be the ones that will help your son more than any therapist at this point. Unless you plan on hiring someone to do many hours of therapy. But I don't think this is necessary. I was a stay at home mom, and I gave my son lots of love and attention and I think this is the most valuable thing. You will find your own way to teach your son. The best advice I can give for speech is to just keep talking to him. Explain everything you are doing during your day. Read to him, point things out to him and label them. Take him places and point to things and show him your excitement about seeing new things. Play back and forth children's games like peek a boo. Play music for him. (most children with autism love music) Make up little songs and silly games while you are feeding him or giving him a bath.

With the difficulties in transitions to new activities, keep in mind that this is normal for all children at your son's age. What you hear about the terrible 2's is true. So try not to think about autism as being responsible for every odd or difficult thing your son does. Most children will have strange or difficult behavior during these years. So actually reading books about normal childhood development were helpful for me as well. Just to have an idea of what to expect.

It sounds like your son is very engaged with you, and that is a good thing. Use it to get into his world, and to slowly bring him into your world. This journey will not be a piece of cake, but with love and patience and understanding, I think things will be fine.

Please keep coming to WP. It has been an invaluable resource for me, and I hope you will feel the same.

I missed your initial post, but I'm glad I got to read this thread - strikes me as though this was not a bad way to handle things in some ways -- I finally figured out that my son has his own pace at which he learns things, and not to panic when he's lagging behind the kids his age.
The key is to have the supports there for your child when they're ready to take something on, and that's exactly what you're doing. I hope you are able to get better support, but I agree with angelbear - look at it as an opportunity to educate yourself.

I agree totally about the "mild" issue - one of our major problems is that our son really is significantly handicapped by his AS at this point (I don't believe the handicap is a lifelong issue, nor that AS in itself is a handicap - at the moment it is situational) but since he puts all of his energy into appearing "normal" he isn't getting the same supports and attention as he is if he behaved at school the way he behaves at home. I like your analogy.