need parrent help

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I have a problem in the morning with my mom. I need space and time to wake up peacefully otherwise I get overstimulated. This is a typical morning for me. I wake up and the parrot is screaching, the dogs want food, mom wants coffee refilled 5 times and breakfast, and it seems like all these animals and her wanting something from me the moment I wake up just feels like being shot out of a cannon the minute I open my eyes. I tried to explain this to her, and she goes through a laundry list of all the things that she did for me and basicly without saying it, said that I have no right to feel this way. Then I tell her that I need space, so I go into the backyard to journal and calm myself...she then called me 3 times and opened the window twice to call me to come inside. She has no respect for my boundaries when I say I need space from her. I told her that she is not respecting my boundaries, and told her all that I am telling you all, but I dont know what to do. I told her I am an introvert and have a need to be alone, and she said that I spend too much time on "that site" meaning wrongplanet.

What do I do? The more she clings to me...the more I want to crawl in a hole somewhere. Moving out is not an option because she is very ill with a chronic illness, and I am the only person standing between her and a nursing home. I have caretaker burnout to add to the situation. I dont really want to change our living arrangement, just want her to respect my need for space and to give me time in the morning to get fully woke up before her and the animals demand their needs being taken care of.

How is the best way to get this accross to her?

Jojo

sounds like you need a change in routine. if your mom is up at a certain time set your alarm to go off earlier so you can be up and alert before she is. you may need to stay in your room for that time to avoid the pets until you are ready for them. if it's possible to gate the animals off from your room area for the night/morning that's something to look into so that way you can go about your morning buisness uninterupted. i don't know what kind of illness your mom has but if you can give her one of those extra large insulated coffee mugs with the lid that will make for less refills because it's bigger. if she needs constant care she should be eligible for some sort of respite where a worker or nurse comes in for several hours a week to give you a break. does she not have any other family or friends you could reach out to asking for help caring for her? it wouldn't hurt to ask, you might be surprised at who might step up to lend a hand. being a caregiver is alot like being a parent. the job is never ending and pretty much thankless.
if you are a teenager then the wanting to run away from her 'clinging' is natural. distancing yourself is part of the process of forming your own individuality as you become an adult. if your mom is as dependant on you as you say she is probably terrified that you are pulling away from her and feeling desperate if you are really all she has. i think the best way to help this out would be to put some time and effort into doing something with her, an activity that you both enjoy on a regular basis and make sure she knows that you love her and aren't going to leave. once it sinks in for her that you are commited to helping her and being there for her she will losen her grip on you and you will have more space, and a much more fullfilling relationship with her.
another thing to add, it may not be possible to get the time to yourself first thing in the morning if you can't be the first one up. so if you can't get that time the best thing would probably be to get everyone settled in and meet their needs before slipping away for some alone time. make sure your mom has everything she needs and that she has something she enjoys doing to keep her busy while you enjoy some quiet time. maybe a stroll around the block or something away from everything else would be more useful because then it's up to you to go back when you are ready(just don't forget that you are needed at home). it may be better to get your alone time in the afternoon, for example, if your mom has soap operas or talk shows she likes to watch at that time.

i also want to say that my advice would probably be quite different if you weren't your mothers care giver. i understand the need for space, i also have a huge lack of personal time and space being a mother of 4, 2 of whom are diagnosed on the spectrum and need alot of extra time and work. it is hard when it is your responsibility to put the needs of others before your own and it wears on the patience and sometimes the sanity of a person but in the end you will feel much better about yourself for pushing through and doing it. try to be a bit more patient and understanding of her point of view as well as your own. there has to be somewhere that a compromise can be made.

I totally agree. Take time for yourself before the day starts. I get up an hour before I have to so I can get some time to myself and prepare for what's happening next.

Just some insight into why your mother acts like that - I bet she's afraid you'll leave her. She's trying to make it clear just how much she needs you, and to keep you so busy you won't have time to think of leaving. If you reassure her often, she might be able to loosen up a bit. But she also might think "she's onto me" and start a fight. But I think it would be worth a shot to let her know that your need for alone time does not mean you're pulling away, it means you're taking steps to be able to stay and avoid a situation where you are forced to leave.

Good luck.

"Ma, can I just have a minute to wake up? Now pass the coffee"

Haha this sounds reasonable, doesn't it? but it doesn't work with some people , i have a grandmother who is capable of having done 3 laundries and cooked and frozen 4 dinners before your spirit has even reentered your body, and all her buzzing around only pausing to utter exasperated sighs at your immobility just delays the process of waking up horribly.
What I would do? go get coffee, go back to my room, lock the door and only get out when i'm ready. But even that may be hard to achieve with "some people"...

I make the coffee at night and program it to start before I wake up, so it ready for me whenI get up. I wake up 1/2 hour before I have to interract with anyone and an hour before I have to be entirely focused on my DSs needs. I cannot stand having to function 1st thing. I absolutely MUST wake up first.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably take it so far as to have my own coffee maker and tiny frig in my room so I wouldn't have to be around anyone until I was ready.

Thank you all for the suggestions, I will try going to bed earlier and getting up earlier to beat the morning mad dash. Mom, I and the dogs and I share a room because it is a small space, but if I can get up earlier, they all wont be awake earlier. I think some time for mom and I would make her less clingy....maybe, Thanks all for your help,

Jojo