Hi all, new parent of grown aspie here

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I am the proud mom of 4 beautiful daughters. They are 20, 19, 14 and 12 years old. My 19 year old is a brand new mommy to a gorgeous baby boy. Anyway, my 20 year old was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. Upon learning of her diagnosis, I have done extensive research only to come to the painful conclusion that my two youngest may also have Aspergers! JadeEyes (Also a new member) is my eldest daughter and was diagnosed back in August of last year. It was JadeEyes who told me about this site, and I am greatful for her for finding it. It is a GREAT resource to people! I look forward to getting to know people here.....

Hi,

First of all:
Welcome, and congratulations on your first grandchild!
It's really nice that you're interested in your kids' condition and come here to learn how to understand them and help them.

But I don't like what you wrote about the "painful conclusion" that your two other daughters have Asperger's as well. I understand you're a bit afraid, and not happy, but try to think about it like this:
1. If they have problems in their life, diagnosing the cause for it is good for them. It'll help solve it.
2. If they don't have any problems, than it means that they're okay "despite" having it, and if so, there's no reason why they shouldn't continue having a good life, especially when they're aware of their condition, and it's best to know as early as possible.

Let's put aside the issue of whether having this condition is "good" or "bad". Realising that someone has it can't be "bad", because they would've had it even without you realising it. You have to remember that your daughters are not Asperger's Syndrome - they are individual beings. AS doesn't define them, just a part of them.

I, personally, was very happy upon being diagnosed. Diagnosis with AS means you've always had it, but now you come to understand why you're different, and have a chance to meet people more like you. Again, if having AS is so bad than it'll be worse without diagnosing it... I understand that parents want to hear that "everything is okay", but if something is bothering your child - sometimes it's better to learn that it IS a known condition, other than a private individual case which will be more difficult to solve.

PDPK_Angels,

Welcome to WP, I have AS myself and like to, once in a while, sneak into the parrents room to see what is going on.
Anyway, having AS is not bad...it has its gifts as well....the curse comes from dealing with other people. If it wern't for others, AS would not be near as bothersome. It does give me gifts like it has been said that I am a creative savant as I learn art and creativity much faster than most. I love art, it is my salvation and sanity.

Anyway, just wanted to say "hey" and cheer up cuz some of the greatest minds I ever known have AS. I concider it a difference more than a disability. It is like being a ball in a square world. The square world looks at the ball and says, You are disabled because you not like us." And the ball says, Yes, but I can do things that you cannot do easily; how is that a disability"

Well I am glad you found us...there is so much to learn!

Jojo

Hi! Welcome!

I'm not sure I understand the 'new parent' description. You are still the same mother your daughter's had pre-diagnosis, they are still the same daughters. Now, you just have a clinical title that describes your daughter's unique personalities. I understand that fear that your child may face struggles ahead but I have yet to meet anyone with a struggle free life. One of the most improtant things, I think, is for a child to have a strong support system no matter who they are. Hopefully, you'll find that all those frustrating things you didn't understand about your daughter will be answered here! Hopefully, this site will give you a new perspective.

All your reading and research might leave you with that 'overwhelmed' feeling. Take a deep breath! Asperger's is just a difference - not a change, not an illness.

My 8 yo daughter was recently disgnosed with Asperger's which, has led me to strongly suspect that I'm an Aspie too. I think you'll find it's not that uncommon. Asperger's tends to run in families. It makes for wonderfully unique individuals that will always have a surprise for you if you know where to look!

So, welcome to the tribe!

For me the "painful conclusion" had more to do with the fact that I had been parenting wrong and probably hurting my DS with using typical NT parenting skills. I don't think it would be painful at all had I been giving him what he needed from the start.

So.... to be literal. It was a painful conclusion, not because being aspie is bad but because parenting an aspie like an NT kid was painful for him and didn't really need to be.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Well, if your daughter made it to 20 yrs old without any extreme difficulties, then she will probably be okay.
As far as the other 2, well, maybe you can help them a little better with any of the difficulties they are having.
It is always amazing to me that people can grow up and not know they have Aspergers. I knew my son was on the spectrum from the time he was about 1 yr of age. It is just so baffling to me that this condition can take on so many faces and go unrecognized in some individuals for so long.

Hope you find this site very helpful. I know I have.

evening all.. when I said painful conclusion, I in no way meant that her and her little sisters having Apsergers is bad. I meant that I know they are going thru and it hurts to see it, because people are cruel. I also say painful because I cant stop the things that are happening and will happen to them. All I can do is be supportive in a listening sort of way. I also would hope that when the time comes and they NEED advice, I can give them the RIGHT advice. I admit it was a major relief to learn what my oldest daughter has, and possibly what my two youngest have. But its finding the right places to go to seek help and support for it. around where I live, they dont even have people in the mental health field that WILL test for it. My oldest HAD to be committed after a meltdown at work to find it. I dont know WHY the school system NEVER picked up on it, but they have been made aware of it and dont seem to care. thus the main reason I said Painful conclusion.

Well now that you know, the best thing you can probably do is start educating yourself on AS. I would recommend reading as much as you can on it. There is a list of recommended reading posted at the beginning of the parents forum. Some of it may be for younger children. Also, from what I have read on this forum, many times females with AS are harder to detect. So maybe this is why the school never picked up on it. How did your daughter do academically? If she was doing okay, then they probably thought there was no problem.

I am glad you have found WP. Sounds like you are going to need it!

Here's something, PDKB_Angels, you need to say to yourself: These are the SAME babies I gave birth to. They just have a label that will help them get assistance now.

Welcome to Wrong Planet! I'm delighted to read your story. I, myself, am the PROUD MOM of a 5yr old Aspie. In the past month, my husband has also been diagnosed.

We've found the diagnosis's to be BLESSINGS! Why?

Well, we've discovered our son is a super genius! As for my husband, it's opened a new world of thinking to him. He no longer feels "wrong" or "odd" he now knows his brain processes things differently.

This all probably feels "painful". The diagnosis process can be difficult, time consuming and emotional draining ESPECIALLY for the mom. I know. There have been many tears shed. However, I find solace in knowing that while my husband and son will be judged harshly by others, they are unconditionally loved by me.

I second angelbear's thoughts. Get all of the AS info you can. Particularly Tony Attwood's books and dvd's (check your library). There's lots of free info on his website and on the OASIS websiteOASIS @ MAAPTONY ATTWOOD's personl website <<<<CLICK HERE...These are Links to the sites!***

At this point, it is still more difficult to assess girls for autism spectrum disorders. It "shows" differently than it does for boys. No need to blame yourself or the school system. Just get as much info as you can.