My son is now 1 year old

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Dear fellow aspies and others,


I have not been on these fora for a few years. In those years I did several things, like getting married and making a beautiful baby boy. I have posted a thread, back in those days when I was actually active on WP, about my doubts: I didn't know if I'd be a good parent. I'd discovered about my aspergers traits, and while I was glad I could now understand why I did feel different from most of the people, and while I was (and am) proud of being an aspie, the discovery of those traits made me worried about my capacity as a parent. The respondents in that thread were all very kind, and basically told me not to worry, I won't turn into a cold and distant parent.

Well, at least for now it seems those words turned out prophetic: I believe I am a warm father, and playing, caressing and holding my son is the most wonderful thing in my life. Our son laughs a lot, and I hope that's at least partially because he feels loved - which he is.

On the other hand, I was a bit worried that maybe I am being too affectionate with my son - maybe I am not the typical father figure. I told my wife about it. I Was wondering if there was any chance he could become gay when he grows up, with such a father, but she dismissed this. She has completely different theories on why a child becomes gay, and besides, as she said "there is nothing wrong being gay", and I agree. I would be just as proud of my son, as I am now.

In any case, what I learned about myself, during this time (a bit more than a year, now), among many other things, is that I really love children. I love them and am deeply convinced that children are worthy of that love, as the only people who are completely innocent. I know now that this is an essential part of my being, and a part that I want to save till my last breath, even when I'm old and decrepit and badly affected by dementia.

Being a father has been so far the greatest adventure of my life - and it has only just begun! As years go by, I guess I'll be coming back to WP with questions. Many, many questions related to parenting from an aspei's perspective.

You sound like the perfect parent to me.

You should talk to these guys:
Would you want your kids to be autistic at all?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt152862.html

Happy Birthday to your son!

Congratulations on your boy. I am not sure if you remember me as Spokane Girl but I also had a baby boy too and he is now two months old. He is starting to work on grabbing.

Lovely post, OldFool. So happy to hear to you are enjoying being a parent, and getting comfortable with your role.

And, for the record, no little boy can be hugged and cuddled too much. And when he gets too old for it ... he will most definitely tell you.

A big thank you to all of you. You're really kind.

Yes, yes I do enjoy being a father. I have been blessed with the cutest baby boy in the entire universe. I feel very lucky.

League_Girl: I don't remember Spokane Girl, I am very sorry. I've been under some stress at work, and they say that affects one's memory, so I hope you will forgive me. In which thread did we have our conversations?

By the way: the puzzle we are currently trying to solve, is teaching him how to allow us to brush his little teeth.

I've read the thread about whether or not one should want their children to be NT or AS. Well, I am very proud to be an aspie, and personally, I think the world can use a few more aspies. But it certainly is a more difficult life. I really don't have an unambiguous answer, because on one had I want my son to be happy. On the other hand, while being an aspie is not easy, I know what I would need to teach and what things to keep an eye on. And I am of the opinion that being an aspie is a very honorable fate. I am proud of my naivety, my inability to lie, my desire to always improve things, my creativity, my curiosity. If my son was an aspie, I would tell him all this, try to prepare him for the life ahead, and make him proud of himself. I would tell my son that, if people could chose not to have an aspie child, a lot of great minds might have been lost, and we'd be in the stone age, pretty much.

My father was an over emotional pansy who had no reservations about using the same terms of endearment with my brother as he did with my sisters.such as "sweetheart" and "honey" and my brother turned out straight.

hugging a 1 yr old isnt going to make him gay, so dont worry about that. at 1, hes still a baby, and babies NEED hugs and love, so pour it on as much as you can. when he gets a bit older, more mobile, you'll find him pulling away because he will be too busy to hold still for all that hugging. you'll find your physical interactions changing as he grows older, from hugs and caresses into more boyish style affection. let him lead you on that. dont ever think you have to stop being physically affectionate to your son. the most amazing fathers are the ones that understand all children, regardless of gender and age, need to be shown signs of love. just never think that being affectionate means you are less of a man or will make your son gay. being afraid to show tenderness doesnt make you more masculine, and the strength to show love is one of the greatest things you can teach your son.

one caution to take is that, being autistic yourself, he may turn out the same, and may develop sensory issues that will govern where, when, and how much you can touch him. you may find he cant handle hugs very well, or you may find he needs them a lot because it provides deep pressure contact he requires. he will lead you on that, too. respect his boundaries, try to provide what he needs, and you will be fine.

my 14 yr old has always been an affectionate and huggy child, and a few months ago confided in us that he thinks he is bisexual. was it all the hugging? definitely not. he has always been an overly emotional child, very empathetic, effeminate, and has multiple gay relatives on my side of the family. the hugging is a result of who he is, not the cause of it. to be honest, we are not at all surprised either, as its something my SO and i have discussed as a possibility in the past.

you sound like a wonderful father. your son is a lucky boy.

Old Fool, you sound like a wonderful parent, and I am glad things are working out for you. Azure Crayon is right. Enjoy all of the hugs and cuddles you can because once your son gets on the move, it may taper off a bit. Hopefully, your son will be the type that enjoys lots of hugs. My ASD son is almost 6, and he has always been a hugger. Loves the deep pressure. He will come up to me now and say "Mom, I need a hug"

I am no expert, but from the things I have read, one reason many people become gay is because of the LACK of love and physical affection from one or the other of the parents. I heard a gay man give a talk on this at a church function, and his father was in the military and was away a lot. When he was there, he was still distant and cold. His mom was very domineering and not very loving. Granted, I think a small percentage of people are born with gay or effeminate tendencies, my theory is that a majority of it comes from something lacking in the upbringing of the child. I am not saying this is the case in every situation. Some people are just born that way. But I have heard a lot of gay people talk about their childhoods, and if you trace it back, there was something missing from the father or the mother. That is why it is so important for children to have a positive role model from each gender. So in my opinion, I think it is great that you are such a loving and physically affectionate father. As your son gets older, some of that physical affection may come more in the form of wrestling around and such. But for now, I say just give him all the love you can!

Thanks angelbear, I promise I'll do just that

Incidently, wife and son are away on a holiday, and I miss my little squirrel a lot! It's getting tougher every day.