Main stream school

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My son is 15 and in the 8th grade. We are currently going through an assessment for AS. There is no doubt in my mind that he has AS.

Anyway, he has always been mainstreamed. He had an IEP from kindergarten till his 2nd year of 5th grade (held back due to social issues) In 7th grade (the first year of middle school here) he was in a program to help him through the year. This year he is completely mainstreamed, no programs, no IEP.

He has always had social problems. He has never in his life had a real friend. He will interact with his peers and even play with them, but has never made any kind of bonding friendship.

This year has been a nightmare for him at school. He is picked on, bullied, from the time he enters the school to the time he leaves. The last couple of months he has been begging me to home school him or to move to a different district. He has completely given up on school. He is failing two classes and the rest of his grades are much lower than I know they should be. He is a very intelligent person, but his grades just don't reflect it, and really never has.

A couple weeks ago he refused to go to school twice in one week, I let him stay home. The last day of school this week he came home and told me he is giving me 2 school days to get him out of that place. This is not the first time he has told me he is not going back.

I have had countless meetings with the school, both with him and without him. I do believe they care, I do believe they are doing what they can, but it is just not enough. The main stream school setting is just not the place for him anymore.

There are two alternatives for school that I am trying to get underway....

His therapist is trying to get in contact with the lady who is head of the special ed department for the district to discuss moving him to the special ed school in our area, but they have been playing phone tag for about a month now.

I am looking into home schooling, but at his grade level, I am fearful I will not be able to teach him the curriculum. I am looking for an online program that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I have not had any luck there. The other issue with home schooling is we can't afford me to quit my job to stay home full time and keep the house we are in. We do have a realitor coming this upcoming week to put our house on the market, but who knows how long it will be before it sells.

Can anyone who has moved their child from main stream to special ed, give me any idea how long the process takes? Is there anyone who home schools a middle school student that uses an online program or any other program that works well for the higher grade levels?

You have got to be very firm with the school and staff call them every day if you have to. Put your foot down that this is something that needs to be taken care of immediately. I believe that you are trying everything in your power to help your son. You have to be a little rough with the school bored or they will take their sweet o'l time. With all that other work sometimes they have to treat you just like any other case no matter how much they like you. Something needs to be done now though.

I say this because I went threw the same exact thing as your son. He's feeling a whole whirl pool of emotions when it comes to school. Try half days until you can get this sorted out. Note alternative schools don't always help for kids with aspergers.

Ask the school if they are willing to let him take his classes by a tutor.
You know all of his school work done there and it will be split into days
and less time. He may even have some days off. The school will pay for
it if you have a IEP believe. So really push for that.

I am so sorry to hear it has gotten to this point, but glad to hear how hard you are working to have all options on the table. We have friends who do on-line school and love it but unfortunately I don't know more than that. As for special ed .. I am skeptical as to if it would be the right solution. With most AS kids the grades have little to do with the material or how it's taught, instead reflecting issues with the grading rubric (too much emphasis on organizational skills) or the environment (sensory issues or checking out due to bullying). If you visit your program you may find it just doesn't fit, although without a visit it is hard to be sure. Otherwise ... I think if this was my child I'd pull hm out first, resolve curriculum later. Maybe even make it his first assignment. How much can he be learning if he's bullied daily? It's just toxic.

My son isn't as old as your son; however, we have said that the moment it is obvious he is getting nothing from school, we will pull him out. If my son was experiecing what your son is, I would probably pull him ASAP. I have a friend in another state who has an AS son who started high school this year. He has been homeschooled for several years now. He is very bright, but has always struggled in the classroom. She has been going through an online charter school. I think it is available in most states. I have looked into it and would consider using it if I ever need to homeschool my son. They send all course material and even a laptop for the child to do classwork. They have teachers that grade the child's work and provide lesson plans. My state requires state testing and they even arrange testing centers for the child to have state tests taken. Here is their main website, which can help you see if they have something in your state.

Main website
http://www.k12.com/

State Online Programs Info
http://www.k12.com/schools-programs/onl ... c-schools/

Are there any alternative schools in your area?

I lucked out and found (quite by accident) an alternative high school that was a complete lifesaver for me at his age and, since it was still considered part of the public school system, it was free! (my parents could've never afforded any kind of private education)

Check out all the schools in your area - including alternative options and magnet schools. I wish you the best of luck. I also wish your son the best of luck, as I have an understanding of how he feels.

I have recently posted a link to Khan academy website that has a very good and free math and science curriculum and problems that a child can do alone on a comp. From what I saw generally it takes much less time for a child to learn things when he is homeschooled so it may work, if you can find a way to work from home.

Thank you all for your reply's.
Twinplets, I have looked at the k12 program and it looks really good. Trouble is I live in one of the few states where it is not offered for free. (NY) The tuition is $8,000 a year. I can't afford that, especially after I stop working. I am still on the hunt for an online program in my state that is free of charge or at a price I can afford.

The special ed school in my area is called CVES (champlain valley educational services) used to be called BOCES. They do have high functioning classrooms. I am planning on asking for a tour of these classes, so I can make a better decision as to whether they are right for my son.

I will be speaking with the school again tomorrow (Monday) about the hard time my son is having. I plan on being more forceful than I have been up til now. I am not sure what they can offer, if anything at all, but we will see how it goes.

If anyone has any other ideas or knows of any online schools that might fit for us, please let me know.
Thank you again.

Hello there

For starters, thanks for taking your child's concerns seriously. It's always nice when a parent does so. Secondly, welcome to Wrong Planet. Hopefully you get some useful information here.

But pleasantries aside, I have a few things to add. For starters, you say that you can't afford to stay home and home school your child. May I ask why you think this is necessary? Your son is 15 years old, and that age he is probably capable of being by himself for the day while you are out at work. It isn't as though you need to quit your job and sit there watching him. I understand that he is probably not ready to live independently, but he is likely able to live for 8 or so hours without direct supervision.

As for the education, I do have a couple recommendations. For starters, I would be wary of special education. I am not saying special ed. is bad or anything, but it can cause problems depending on how it is run. For starters, most special education classes are used to teach people who have significant learning difficulties. As such, the material is taught very slowly, and often times several years below grade level. While this is not a big problem in elementary and middle school (as there is very little useful taught during those years anyways), it can be a problem for high school where the student begins to learn actual information that can be used in a career. In other words, when your son should be learning something useful like chemistry, he will instead be reviewing 6th grade science. Basically, I question the ability of special education to properly give your son an education that will reflect his intelligence.

There are also other reasons to be wary of special ed. Primarily, it won't be taken seriously when applying to colleges. I hate to be blunt, but most colleges value a GED as better then a special education diploma. If your son drops out, takes some online classes, gets his GED at 18, takes an ACT or SAT test and gets some good results, then a lot of colleges will be happy to take him. If anybody asks, he can just say he had to stop attending school for medical reasons, and most colleges will be fine with that. Whereas if he graduates with a special education diploma, nobody will take him seriously. The commonly held opinion (whether true or not) is that the only thing required to get a special ed diploma is to show up to class. And that doesn't exactly impress anybody.

And lastly, there may be other people with more significant problems who do need the sort of specialized help available at special education. From what you say, your son sounds relatively fine except for perhaps some social phobia, anxiety, and depression. He doesn't need to go to special ed in order to deal with that. In fact he needs just the opposite, he needs to get away from people. But there are other people who do need special help and special education. And if your son takes up one of the slots at the special ed school, then that is one less slot for somebody else who could benefit from it much more then your son could.

As far as getting an online home schooling curriculum, you can probably get the school to pay for that. The law (at least as it is written in the US) is that the school system is required to provide a 'free and appropriate education'. And if the mainstream school cannot provide that, they are required to set your child up with some other setup that is appropriate for free. That is what special education is. When mainstream school isn't an option, they are still required to provide the child with a 'free and appropriate education', even if it costs the school extra (which special ed. does). You can use that to get the school to pay for the k12 program (or other similar program).

You may have to be a bit direct about it though. Just be blunt and tell your school something like, 'This school is clearly not appropriate, my son is having panic attacks and learning nothing. And special education doesn't provide him the academic challenge he needs either. The only viable option is to home school him using this curriculum, and you are required to provide it to him. If you do not provide this for free, then you are in violation of the law, and I can sue you to get it.' Obviously, walking in there and threatening to sue on the spot may be too forward, and you may want to be a bit more pleasant at first, but don't be afraid to point out the law. Your child is entitled to a 'free and appropriate education', and while the current education he is getting may be free, I doubt it is appropriate.

So yeah, try the 'honey' approach first and see what you can get the school to do, but if they are dragging their feet and being unhelpful, don't feel bad about reminding them of the law and what they are required to do.

On a final note, please just pull your son out of school now. I know you haven't gotten the home schooling thing worked out yet, but there is no reason to send your son into school Monday. He will not learn anything in that environment, and it will only make his anxieties worse. Just leave him home, let him play some video games, and let him recuperate a little bit. You can give him a 2 week break, and then once he has calmed down you can begin online classes. There is no rush for this, as he will probably be able to move at a faster pace on his own. And if needed, he can do some work over summer to make up the lost time. But what your son needs now is not more stress. He is already on the verge of a breakdown, don't push him over the edge.

Oh darn. I didn't realize it wasn't free everywhere. Here if you pull your child out of public school, it is considered a charter and the funds the school would get for your child, they receive to pay for the school expenses. Maybe you can try what Tracker suggested. I hope you are able to find an alternative that is affordable.

You're kidding, right? The "teacher's" union has been fighting against vouchers for DECADES! Some places have vouchers, but many DON'T.

Just one more reason why I can't spell "teachers" how it is supposed to be spelled. I use the quotes.

Tracker, thank you. I agree with your take on special ed schools. I was hesitate about it to begin with.

I kept my son out of school today (Monday). He stayed home and watched stargate (his current main obsession). I tried calling his therapist, she was off today, I'll call tomorrow. I called the school and spoke to the counselor there, she seemed to understand my concerns. Although she didn't really have any suggestions. She spoke to the principal and dean of students who later called me. They seemed to understand my concerns less than the counselor and focused on why my son was not coming to them when things are bad. My son doesn't go to them because he feels they don't do anything about the bulling, and when they do punish another kid things get worse. They asked me how I felt and I told them that I was afraid irreversible damage was going to be done to my son. I told them the school environment was not good for him, he is not learning anything, he is failing 2 classes and close to failing in many other classes. He should not be failing or even close to it, he has just given up on school because it is a place that he hates to be in.
The principal gave me his home phone number and asked me to call him this evening when I was with my son. When we called him he asked me how my son was feeling about school. I told him there are the same concerns. He is being called names, kids are trying to trip him in the hall, he is being excluded in activities and groups, etc..

What they came up with is that either the principal or the dean of students will be in the hallway between classes. Not right next to him, just in the hall where they can see him and try to catch the bullying and try to put a stop to it. He is going to speak with all his teachers and have them keep a closer eye on him for name calling and such.

I realize this is not a permanent solution, but I am hopeful it will help for the time being. My son seems to be ok with the plan for now. We will see how things go. At least they are trying something more than telling him to just come to them or ignore the other kids.

He is still going through the assessment for AS, the last step is a school visit. She has to see him in the school setting to finish the assessment so if nothing else we can get that done.

I am still looking into online schools. I came across one called American Highschool (virtualedu dot org) that cost $50 per month and you pay as you go. I am still looking over the website to see what it is all about. Does anyone know anything about this school?

How about Independent Study?

I don't know your kid, but um Independent Study is always good.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound dumb or anything, but what exactly do you mean by independent study?

I'm glad to see you are continuing to persue the homeschool route. Monitoring the halls a bit better won't reverse the damage already done to his self concepts and therefore his schoolwork. Often by highschool kids have matured somewhat but obviously not at this school.

Yes, home schooling is where we want to end up. Unfortunately I can't snap my fingers and make it happen just like that. (as much as my son wants me to) There are a lot of regulations and paperwork, not to mention finding the curriculum whether it is online or boxed.

Anyway, I have a feeling there are other things going on at school besides the bullying. My son has a hard time expressing exactly what is going on with him. He can tell you hes mad, or frustrated but he can't explain why or what happened to make him feel this way. Is this a common AS trait?

So my thoughts are that the constant movement, voices, noises, etc are really affecting him. He just either is not aware that these things are bothering him or he is having a hard time putting it into words.

I feel this way because when I think back to family gathering or large groups. These things bothered him and I can see it now, thinking back. This is why he had a "fit" or wondered off by himself and didn't want to participate. I didn't know then what I know now and I feel like such a failure to my son for not helping him for his first 15 years.

It is quite common. Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint what went wrong when you're not sure what exactly happened. I have to analyse every conversation that upset me and find what part felt wrong, from this basis, I then try to give a name to what right of mine I feel has been denied .
For example: I have a conversation with my aunt, and she asks me how I intend to go about finding a job, and what steps I am taking , if I am really looking and what field interrests me. I get a bit unsettled by the questions, but I try to answer each question truthfully, following HER approach to the conversation.
Only later can I notice that I am upset about it.
The way I go about it is taking each question and decide that none of them actually caused this feeling. What I felt attacked on was my job as a stay at home mum not being respected or taken into account, dismissed as "not good enough", and that she thought I OUGHT to want a job and never considered I might feel it important to want to raise my children first.
Conclusion: she patronized me and ignored my feelings.She was inconsiderate and I felt useless when I wasn't even at fault.
You know how long it takes me to do all this? maybe two full nights of no sleep and thinking hard.
Don't expect a teenager to tell you right away what upset him, he has to figure it out first