Do You Ever Just Worry

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Do you just ever worry for them sometimes?

I know I have a little brother and he's 14. But I've always been there for them. I have two younger brothers, but J Bird is the baby of the family. But being the baby of the family has come at a high price. He's more high functioning then myself and my brother. He's got the short end of the stick. And he isn't always the most accomplished at task.

Do you ever just want the best for them?

I know he should work to the best of his ability. But what kind of life is that? The only thing I'd consider he's bloody genius is at, is building Lego worlds.

But, there is no job market for that. I mean I guess if you say Lego, but even then its just machines.

Big brother worry thread. Can be a mom or dad or other sibling worry thread too.

Nope. My (little) sister is so high-functioning it's almost embarrassing. She seems to live a totally charmed life. I don't want the particular charmed life she has, so it's not an envy thing. Just nothing for me to worry about... Sorry that you have anxiety over this.

I want more for him.

I have been with my brothers since they were babies.

I remember having to crawl in bed with them when something scared them. I remember being there when I they needed me. Especially my youngest.

It isn't that I envy his life or even worse want to worry.

Just with a parental divorce and watching as his life is no better than mine, I don't wnat him to live the same sad fate I have lived.

A little acceptance goes a long way.

i've never had to worry about my siblings. they are both responsible and very smart. one is in med school and the other is in computers and it all seems to come easy for them.
worrying is a good sign to show that you care. if you wanted to you could mentor him and help keep him on track, teach him from your own experiences.
i worry about my children all the time. my daughter is 12 and wants to do normal 12yo things but she doesn't understand how to cross the street safely or how to tell when people are only pretending to be nice for malicious reasons. i worry about my 5yo who has all kinds of problems and wonder often how he will turn out, if he will independant as an adult or if he will have the same personality disorders that his birth mother has. i always worry if i am making the right choices for my children and if the things they see related to the 5yo's problems are scaring them for life and making them bad people....... it's normal to worry about the ones we love.

You're so incredibly kind to be thinking about your brother and to want a better life for him than for yourself. Such is the case with my son. He is almost 12 and I worry a lot about him. He has a major anger management problem that has made him lose a lot of opportunities already. He's incredibly pure at heart, kind, accepting and fun loving. This is not his only issue, but it's the one I fear the most. Hang in there....there's only so much we can do and as long as we're doing what we can, then the rest is up to them and fate.

I do try. I really do. I love him so much.

I find your concern for your brother to be very touching. He is lucky to have you. You can't change how difficult things will be for him, but you can always be there for him and that will make a big difference in his life!

I have 3 younger sisters. The youngest is 17 years my junior. She has William's syndrome co-morbid with classic autism, huge anxiety and all sorts of mobility and joint problems that come along with her WS. I do sometimes worry about her quality of life. All I can do is be there for her and provide all the friendship, love and support I can, as well as getting myself as financially and emotionally stable as possible, so that if and when she needs help that my parents can't provide, I will be able to give it to her.

Exactly.

Its this that I'm worried about right here.

Afer my parents divorced and I saw my mother's real not interest towards my brothers or even myself that got me thinking about this. About what happened if something happened to dad, whom he's staying with and I moved back in after my ex fiancee cheated on me. If he were to die. Would I have enough strength and enough money to protect my brothers.

Yes, you would. Because you'd have to. It's amazing how resilient we are -- yes, even with AS -- when we have to be. Very honestly, it sounds like you're already too much on top of this. You're ready for something that you don't even need to be ready for yet (if ever). Congratulations for having it enough together just to get there mentally. The rest will be OK.

I have to be.

I have to be there, I have to be there last leg.

I will give apart every bit of my body, every piece of my body until its torn into pieces for them to both live successful lives. I'd throw everything away for their success.

I think that's really admirable in theory. I also think it would be healthiest, at least for the moment, not to get too carried away with this, though. From the sounds of it, no one is asking you to do anything like what you describe. Just know that "everything" is there in reserve -- if it should come to that -- and do your best in the moment for these little guys.

I believe that if/when the day comes that your brothers need your direct support rather than just social/emotional support that you will in fact be there. Having the strong will to do so is the first step.

The second step would be taking excellent care of yourself so that you will be able and ready. That means taking good care of your own health (physically and mentally), and aspiring to have the level of stability that would cause a court/social worker to view you as a viable option as a caregiver. It means working towards financial stability, as well as creating a healthy, calm home environment wherever you may live. If these things are not within your grasp now then start slowly working towards them. If some of them aren't within your grasp ever, because of your own needs and abilities you can still always be that emotional/social support for them, which is going to be a HUGE asset to them no matter what happens.

I know.

I'm caring to the point of overbearing....or annoying, whichever word you like to use.

Its this drive I use to get them out of pinches. The 19 year old has Aspergers and isn't as sweet and lovely as the 14 year old, he's in his rebellious phase, lol. But he's still my darling. And I'll do what I can no matter what.

I know no one is asking me right now. But I know its the attitude I need.

This may sound odd coming from someone who chose Piglet as her avatar precisely because he is a worrier but, try to remember one thing, the more you worry, the more you worry. If you let worry become your karma it will become overbearing for you. I personally find some consolation and an outlet in planning and doing as annotated_alice suggests. Use your concern to drive you to take the steps that you can take in the present and you will be prepared for whatever the future brings! Your brothers are super lucky to have you in their lives!

Too true. I posted something like this in another thread yesterday, but it's applicable here. I tend to live in "the wreckage of my future." It's an absurd concept when you put it into words, but it sure seems logical when it's just a feeling -- that feeling of dread that everything's going to go wrong. It's super-easy to slip into, and not so super-easy to slip out of. But, it's just what I said: absurd. Right now is all I've (you've) got. Might as well use now as productively and enjoyably as you can. Again, not so easy. I constantly have to remind myself that if it's not happening now, it's none of my business.