Love your kid <3 (rant)

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love your kid
whether its a boy or a girl
whether it is black or white
whether it is smart or not
whether it agrees with you or not
whether it is queer or straight
whether its aspie or nerotypical
becuase they are gonna chose your nursing home

i honestly hate parents who are all like i wish my kid was "normal" err what does normal even mean... i know many nerotypicals and i am friends with a lot of them and they are far from normal. if your kid is aspie, autisic or whatever you need to embracve them not resent them. if you let your child live and grow in an enviroment where they are seen as a burden or a mistake there lives will be s**t so quit complaining be glad your kid is alive for petes sake.

if you go around trying to find an imaginary cure to nothing all of the time, thing is like your aspie kid will move out of your house the seccond they turn 18 and never speek to you again and live their life without even thinking about you. oh and by the way that is the best case scenario for that scenario, there are just as many chances that they could commit suicide because they feel like a burden a mistake something that shouldn't be alive before they turn 15.

i go on to these forums and i feel depressed, why? becuase i see suicide topics. its heartbreaking these people have just as much potetial to live a life of worth and sucess as i do, but no one embraced it with them. there parents make them feel as if they shoulnt be here. it makes me feel gratefull that my parents was ok that i was aspie and knew i could do well in life. dont be in their face, dont treat them as a mistake, embrace their tallents, be grateful, quit looking for an imaginary cure for nothing and sit back relax and watch your own unique aspie indivual grow.

I can't speak for all parents only myself but I can say that somtimes when life with any child is wearing you out pysically and mentally it's easy to say "i wish". I dont think any of us wishes our child was any different than they are.. what we wish maybe is that we could figure out why they are hitting us for example; or how we can help them to make the friends; or how we can reach them to know how they're feeling... It's when we're stressed quite often that we seek out some help or some comfort and at those times we dont always come off as the loving parents we might be but rather a bit like disgruntled employee's wishing to change jobs.

I think also we forget to mention the great things along with the unpleasant.

I do love that saying i've heard it before not exactly the same but it's so so true!! !! I personally hope mine will just let me get lost in the snow or burn myself down or any number of things i'm sure my aging mind will some day come up with

You speak for many! I can't even count the times my mom has said to me: "stop doing that, people will think there's something wrong with you." The other thing my parents would always do is compare me to my schizophrenic uncle. She still doesn't know I have AS, and I'll probably never tell her because then she will try even harder to "cure" me. When I was a kid, I used to believe all the crap she told me about ending up in jail and homeless. Good thing I came to my senses. I'm on a solid path to med school and I just finished up a music degree, so I must not be that much of a failure.

your mother would probably be releived to find out your diagnosis.

I agree!

You have a choice to see autism as a having positive and negative aspects, or for it to be a tragedy that has happened to you. I love spending every day with my kiddo. Teaching him about the world and seeing his different perspective has forever changed my view of the world. Sure we have our growing pains, but I don't doubt that we will always have each other and that there are so many good memories to come. I wish other parents could see through the frustration and anxiety to see that they have a child that loves them and depends on them to learn about the world. How can they be great teachers if they spend all their time being sorry for themselves?

Sorry...you got me on a little rant. I'm done

meh, you don't know her like I do. When dealing with her it's better to keep your mouth shut, but that's an issue for another topic.

I understand what you are saying...love your child and don't get caught up with the child's issues. Try to focus on all the wonderful qualities of our children. Of course we as parent's "get this." But even if we are not seeking a "cure," we are seeking out ways to help our children FUNCTION. I am sure some kids on the spectrum do not have major behavior issues, but mine does it is extremely frustrating. Living with someone who melts down over almost everything all the time and is constantly getting in trouble at school for hitting other kids and refusing to do work. My daughter has to control everything, including her little sister or she will melt down or hit her. These are major issues and you better believe we are searching for ways to help our child with emotional regulation, impulse control, and social skills. My life is full of STRESS and yes my child does contribute a great deal to that. Every child has their issues but when you have one that is defiant and always melting down you know that most people are not dealing with what you are dealing with. I would not trade my daughter for the world and I am greatful she is healthy physically and I love her for who she is. We will continue to search for ways to change the inappropriate behaviors that are adversely affecting her life.

You do know you are preaching to the choir here, don't you? Sometimes I wonder, when I see a post like this one, if you even read what our parents have to say, the hows and whys they go through on this board, because you make it sound like they all must be curabies, when I know they are not. Everyone here is already trying super hard to be the parent you say you wanted, do you realize that?

The people that are posting these depressing things are not the ones who have parents on this forum. Riot Riot was referring to the parents that don't appreciate their kids for who they are. They are most likely not going to be on this site. I think it was more of a general rant than a chastisement to the other parents here.

DITTO. I just posted on another thread about not taking things on WP personally so now I'm making myself a hypocrite. Please, if you are going to post on the parent's forum with a criticism about how parents treat their aspie/autie kids, please at least do those of us here the service of reading some of what's here before you post. We often agonize about how to help our kids, not "fix" them or cure them but how to make their lives bearable and if and when possible, happy and fulfilling. Many of us come here searching for better ways to parent, to find ways to change ourselves and our actions - not to find ways to change our kids so they are normal. We do occaisionally come here and rant about how difficult things are but that's because WP Parent's forum is a safe place for us to come and say those things. Life can be tough for people with ASDs, please realize it is also tough for the people who care for them and are trying to do the best for them.

I always wish I was better in that moment to help him get through it. I love my kid exactly as he is. I wouldn't change him. Not a bit. I do want to change myself. I want to be calmer, more patient, more creative in schooling him. So many ways I wish I was different. I always feel like someone else would have handled things better. I'm all he he has, So I better just pull up my boots and keep going.

My sig says all that needs to be said. After everything I've learned about genetics and genetic disorders, hearing people mourn autism like it's a death sentence makes me want to smack someone upside the head.

From what I can tell so far it seems like the parents here are very nice people. Sometimes when I read some of their posts I just want to give them a hug and say "I know, I know, some days are just like that. Heck, a lot of days are like that and yeah, it sucks." because y'know, most of them seem to be giving it their very best. And if anyone should know how frustrating it is to give it your all and still run into problems, end the day feeling exhausted and know tomorrow you have to do it all again... we should be able to relate to that, right?

That woman from CBS "The Talk" i forget her name but anyway there was a segment on yesturdays show to kick off autism awareness month and she explained it perfectly the "why" for all this mourning.. in the end it has a lot to do with perceptions from the professionals that we as parents deal with and the very depressing reality they somtimes deal out.. strange thing as she pointed out is that they are often wrong and so instead of telling a parent "your child will never do this or that or this or that" perhaps if their words and their understanding would change a parent wouldn't leave that first diagnostic appt feeling that way

she talked about a "will never" list that their family had made (the doctors list of things he'd never do) in which their son did check them off as he DID do them!! !! ! including i love you without being promted:) The segment that aired is on their website for anyone interested...

I personally felt relief!! what was going on had a name and with a name came the power to help my son.

I was relieved, too.

But parents do have to sometimes mourn the loss of dreams and assumptions. You aren't mourning the loss of your child, you are mourning the loss of your dream for that child, silly as it may have been to build it in the first place. And that should be OK. Even when it's a good thing to let go of a dream and build a new one, it is important to recognize that the dream was real and meant something to you.

One difficult thing for us was that the world built so many expectations for our son when he was a toddler. He was brilliant, he was going to be an Olympic gymnast ... try as we might to just smile through all those conversations and not start to raise our own expectations for him, a person DOES start to change how they view the child and his future. He seemed so social, he didn't need much sleep, he was precociously smart ... we really thought he had a chance to be President. We thought he wasn't like us, and wouldn't be bound by the same sorts of burdens my husband and I have been. And then we find out ... his burdens actually run deeper and, no, super flexibility is a sign of a physical issue, not of future world-class gymnastic talent. We did have to go through a process of letting go of those dreams, and accepting they had probably bit the dust forever, before we could put our minds into new dreams more reflective of who our child really is.

I think our AS members here need to understand that this concept of mourning isn't about the child, it's about the parent's assumptions. And the parents know that. You don't need to tell them, or get mad at them for going through what is a perfectly normal process. Have a little patience while they work through it, and when they get to the other side ... help them get on with the business of being a well informed parent.

this is true.. and i think too remembering that whatever dreams we might have had dispite autism or anything else the child may not have wanted that dream anyway crazy to think about it that way......

I remember my mother thought i'd be a teacher~ imagine her surprise when I became a nurse instead altho in the beginning of the journey it was going to be a lawyer..

I do know my ex husband had dreamed of playing catch with DS and going to games and things well instead they golf together but even if he hadn't had AS he may have not wanted the sports anyway. My daughter NT wants to be a rock star lol DS would like to drive dump trucks you just never know where any of it will go or where or when. I'm just glad that they have dreams of their own and that I can sit back and watch them change their minds a hundred times like i did

Your right tho perfectly ok to grieve and to adjust and to make new dreams!! !