Obsession= t.v.

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My son is obsessed with the T.V. I wish his obsession was something like science or computers... something productive. I talked to a child pyschologist and she recommended Hunter having to earn his tv time by doing other things. Like chores or riding his bike or playing with a neighbor. Im going to start this after the 4th of July but I told Hunter about it a few days ago to get him used to it. He is pretty upset about it. Im wondering if there is something else out there to try. Is there a way to steer him to a new obsession?

U cant get rid of obsessions they just change from time 2 time

Solid is right. If you make your son do chores in exchange for TV time, you'll only teach him to weasel his way into earning more by doing less. It'll become exactly like the market economy: the seller wants to sell for the highest price, and the buyer wants to pay the lowest price. (Here, you're the seller of TV time, with the money being the chores, and your son's the buyer.) With this statement alone, does it still seem reasonable to "sell" him TV time? In the best case, you'll expose him to the harsh realities of the business world at a young age; in the worst case, you'll teach him to cheat and lie.

And what's the deal with the compulsion that your son must be productive all the time? He's a human being, for crying out loud, not a machine. I remember my parents being like that: they strictly limited any activities that didn't "help my intellectual development." (I ended up doing those anyway, in secrecy.) The definition was liberal enough to include playing chess on the computer, but that often meant I wasn't allowed to play non-educational video games for more than 30 minutes a day, go anywhere fun more than twice a month, or even sit at home doing nothing. At first, I resisted the best I could, but eventually, they brainwashed me with the "intellectual development" stuff so much, that I became a zombie who did nothing but study for hours on end.

About two years ago, it all hit me. "Who the f*** needs all that!?", I though to myself. "What difference will it make when I'm in the working world!?" So I stopped studying so hard, and instead decided to spend more time with my friends. I was amazed ; never before did my life seem so enjoyable. So here's my lesson to you, blunt as it may seem: back off. Let your son watch TV, and only limit it if it's hurting his vision.

As aspies, we sometimes have difficulty associating work and payoff. Your son will understand that there is a connection that you have made with chores and TV watching, but may not understand why or how you are relating them. As far as he understands, chores and TV watching are two completely separate things. My parents were constantly trying to get me to "earn" certain rewards, but since I had such a hard time linking the work with the reward I would fight back. I'd never get the reward, they'd never get the work, and we'd all be miserable.

There can be a solution however. Instead of rewarding your son with TV time, you may have better luck interrupting his TV time and allowing him to go back to it. Let's say you want Hunter to do a chore for you. Hunter is currently watching TV. Walk into the room, stand or sit next to him, put your hand on him (keep your hand flat, fingers together, solid and lay it on his shoulder gently until he turns towards you), and once he's turned toward you and looking as though he's coming out of a fog, mention to him that in 30 minutes it's time to do the chore. Tell him you will remind him in 15 minutes. In 15 minutes, repeat the process, but since he'll be ready for you, you probably won't have to touch him to bring him out of the fog. This time, tell him you'll be back in 10 minutes to remind him again. After 10 minutes, repeat. This time tell him in 5 minutes, it will be time to do the chore. When 5 minutes goes by, go back to him and tell him it's time to do the chore. You may be surprised to find him mentally ready for the chore and waiting for your return to indicate the chore can begin. After he completes his chore, give him his free time back. Make sure that the first time you do this that the chore is simple, easy to understand, something he's done before, and has no sensory issues with it. Or, instead of a chore, try an enjoyable activity that doesn't take any longer than 15 minutes. Same time frame for the chore. As you practice the come-out-of-the-fog-reminder routine, you may be able to increase the difficulty of the chore/activity as well as decrease the reminder time frames, starting at 15 minutes instead of 30. This will help him transition better into doing more productive work.

I used to view the work as punishment for enjoying my reward. I would hide the activity that I wanted to do not so I wouldn't have to do the work, but so I wouldn't have to fight and be miserable with my parents. The work = reward method is similar to sensory overload and has on more than one occasion triggered spectacular meltdowns that I remain impressed with even to this day. As an adult, I still have some difficulty in associating work with a payoff. I consider my paycheck just money they give me for being an employee. I don't think of it as a direct exchange for the time and effort I put into my job. It's more like a contractual obligation from the company to me.

I hope this helps. I have no children of my own, but I remember being a kid with the same problems I have today.

I have found that finding something that comes from his tv viewing works best for us. Our son usually doesn't just watch any old thing, he'll get into a certain kind of programming, or a certain show. For instance, last year he was into all the CSI shows, and so he got to go to the university to take a forensics class which he found to be great fun (and enjoyed pointing out all the "mistakes" on tv); this year it's the Dukes of Hazzard and so we bought him a model of the General Lee which he is working on building, as well as a video game (not much better but at least interactive). This has helped alot.

i found that the more i pushed my son to limit his obsession ( currently it's an online computer game), the more he pushed for extra time.because we only have one computer, he at least accepts the fact that someone else might want to use it once in a while....

Those darn televisions are hypnotic. My granddaughter gets glued to it, too. The only thing I have found so far is to try to find something that interests her almost as much, and try to show her how appealing it is. Sometimes it works. I don't know of anything yet that works 100 percent, or I would try it on my husband He's hooked on television AND computer games.

i too think that if we make a big deal out of it then the child tends to sneak to get what he or she wants. i look at my AS son and compare to my nephew who is "normal". my son is not limited to things like my nephew is. I structure his life but my sister who demands that my nephew only do certain things and must never eat junk food my nephew "sneaks or cons" to get what he is forbidden. i also think my son can be obessed with the TV/video games but i count myself lucky that he gets tired of it and wants more in his life. on school nights he is allowed to watch TV after 8 pm. most of the time I allow him to watch it after 7:30. I don't make a huge deal out of it but its the rules in school time. he accepts it.. no rebel.. sometimes i think therapist try to use their book smarts and in reality they don't live with the child so its hard to push their theory on you. I do think that when it effect the childs grades then yes a parent steps in. that was why we thought the tv after 8 pm on school nights help.. i see the vast difference between the 2 boys who are only months apart. my son ASKS and does not sneak... what did help was that when my son wants to watch TV he gravitates towards the channels where they show stuff that feeds his brain. maybe that is a way to allow is that he can watch things that are not cartoons. we watch discovery channel, HGTV, and shows like It takes a theif, Cash Cab. so no I am not sure what the balance is.. but i can tell you that i agree with the rest of the folks here about earning the TV.. the real question that the needs to be answered is what in life does he hide from to emerse himself in TV.. that would be the topic the therapist needs to work on.. and maybe if the therapist gets down to why he has chosen to obess about tv. just a thought..

Colleen

I saw one doctor like that when I was a kid. This guy actually wrote a couple of books (one started with the title "management of kids" ......) so that should tell you a clue about his attitude. The funny thing though was that I thought he just disliked me (lol) and didn't realize until I saw him being interviewed by a local news channel years later that this guy was just like that with all kids.

If your son is obsessed with the TV it might also be an obsession with the sameness of it to - especially if he watches the same shows at the same time. So if you mess with that you might have a big anxiety backlash to deal with. Not trying to tell you how to parent either because you know your kid better than anyone else - but like other people have said - Aspie kids might not understand the why behind what you are doing and just think they are being punished instead of being taught a lesson. I think it would be confusing to suddenly have to "earn" TV time - which he has previously been allowed to use for "free". Perhaps you could direct his TV viewing instead of taking the TV away. Don't pick his favorite show though - if you start with one show than it could become a habit and then if he won't watch the History channel (or whatever) he might find another activity on his own.

I had a TV Obsession when I was little, but there was only one show that I would really watch. I'd watch The Dukes of Hazzard, every Friday and it helped me to learn about different people and Personality Types. That's why I liked that show, so much. I think you should let your son watch TV and learn from what he's watching.

Another approach is to get interested in it WITH your son. My little guy (he's 7) is into TV, Computers and Bugs. Those are his things. A calming thing for him is paper. He recreates everything he comes into contact with, on paper. So when it comes to TV, we pick something new to watch together. We love watching How It Is Made on the Discovery Channel. You learn a lot. When it comes to computers, my DH gets involved with him because he has his own computer company and is a programmer at heart, so there's an experience that can be shared there. When DS started showing his obsession with bugs (at age 18 mos) I quickly realized that there was a big opportunity there so we watch national geographic types shows on insects, we try to indentify all the bugs that he finds, he makes bug houses and feeds them, makes furniture for them etc. And then there are times when I just have to let him be. Unwind, watch "mindless" tv and enjoy himself.

I guess in the end, if there's an opportunity for you to share an experience with your child, jump on it. He might end up teaching you at thing or two.

celtic goddess~ we watch some tv shows as a family....daughter's current obsessions are Pokemon and Spongebob ( what a combination, huh ?). at any rate, she's spent the past week drawing pictures of Spongebob characters dressed in different styles~there's Hippie Gary, Goth Gary, and 70's Spongebob to name a few. somehow, i guess i thought my daughter was the only one to spend so much time creating things which revolve around a tv program....my aspie son used to watch programs obsessively, but that was it~ no inspiration ever seemed to come from the show~just the need for excessive quietness and the need to watch the program from the exact beginning to the exact end.

I understand what you are saying about having trouble when you don't see a logical connection between 2 things. I can remember incidents from my childhood when I'd get in trouble for something and they'd take something else away from me and it made no sense because the two things weren't at all connected that I could see. In other words, I may have done without whatever was taken away but I didn't learn what the problem was.

One example I can think of was the year my brother graduated from college. It was at the beginning of summer and the weather wasn't particularly hot yet. I would want to wear long pants but my mother insisted it was summer so I had to wear short pants. I wanted to wear long pants partially because the weather was not all that hot yet plus I thought short pants felt funny to me because my legs weren't covered like they had to be during the school year(schools I went to didn't allow shorts). At one point my mother said to me that if I didn't start wearing short pants, I wouldn't be allowed to go to my brother's graduation in New York the next week. This made no sense to me because I couldn't see the connection between going to New York and pants length, and even pointed that out. The fact I didn't particularly care much for this brother(and I still don't) didn't exactly give me much incentive to want to comply with a request that would allow me to attend his graduation anyway.

We spent the next week fighting over it, with me getting sent back to my room to change into short pants every day. I still got to go to New York though, and I wondered why since I didn't voluntarily comply with the pants thing. As I have written before(i.e. my swimming message), that was one of the least of my problems that summer concerning my parents and my abusive older brother.

Makes me wonder if some punishments won't work on aspie children because they don't see the logical connection between the inappropriate activity and the punishment.

That's probably true. I always viewed my punishments as my parents' way of getting even with me for breaking a rule or disobeying in general, and a way of putting me back in my "rightful" place.

I think the true test of any effective discipline is what will the child do once they are free of the parents' control and are allowed to do what they like? One day these children will be on their own without threat of the parents' punishments; will they have learned?

Thanks for all the replies. just an update, Im still trying to limit his tv time (he watches tv 8 to 10 hours a day if Id let him). I want this to be positive so I give him tv time for just about everything. It doesnt have to be a "job" it could be riding his bike or drawing a picture. He actually has fun once he tries something else.