My little boy doesn't listen

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Hi thank you for all your supportive comments and information in a previous thread.

My little boy can be such a joy, I wish he would listen sometimes.

The ladies who work with him at preschool says he cannot remember what you tell him and he is more impulsive than other children. These are his current interests - microwave ovens and plug sockets. He does not seem interested in electricity in general, I tried to teach him some stuff about batteries, lightning, electrons etc but he switches off.

The interest got very dangerous and his keyworker suggested I use a visual message - put red X's on all the plugs and socket covers rather than keep saying "Do not touch" it works like a miracle.

We locked all the toaster, kettle, radio away into the cupboard, we will put a lock on the kitchen door at the weekend. I asked if this is overkill, the keyworker said No, a lot of parents with children with "social communication difficulties" have to put locks on rooms for the children's safety. He's also started opening the front door so we have to lock it at the top. Again at the weekend we'll put a bolt on the top of the door. Would be safer in a fire I think.

He has lost interest in music and his music player a bit now.

The children who live in the same street as us keep asking Tommy to play. It breaks my heart when he does not look at them, does not listen, and runs home again. What he does like doing with them is following a group of them around, if they are on the move he follows them and laughs.

Today we were at preschool gym and I wondered about sensory issues, so I suggested he lay and rocked back and forth in a big inflatable barrel they had. He liked it and when I looked in at his face it had the calm gentle look he used to get when he was a tiny baby. He used to get this look when we took him to the fish tunnel in the aquarium and the lights and water used to dance all over him. We used to call it his Winston Churchill look because he looked so calm, stoic, implacable. It was nice to see it rather than him going "wild" when he cannot be reached, reasoned with and he will not listen. He also liked lying under the parachute at the end of th gym, same calm look. Can anyone think of any other activities that would calm him like this? Baths tend to send him wild with squealing and kicking and his whole body goes stiff with limbs flailing even when we take him out. Then he stops listening and we can't reach him

In shops things are getting difficult. He will not stand beside me he is constantly dashing about trying to get to the tills and press the buttons. Today we went to the home furnishing store really just to play and look around. We spent about 20 minutes looking at all the ovens and microwaves for sale. He opened and closed the doors lots and pressed all the buttons. Eventually I thought he'd like a toy microwave so I bought him one. He spent the rest of the day playing wiht it and even got out of bed to come downstairs and play with it some more.

Anyway in the store we got near the checkout and he tried to press the buttons when someone else was being served, then he knocked over a stack of baskets. Then he ran over to another empty checkout and tried to get to that till. I was trying to catch him and hold onto him but he kept wriggling free and he is so FAST. I ended up shouting at him but he still dind't listen.

I got him back to the car and then he went onto another interest - opening the car door wide and trying to hit another car with it. This is one interest I wish he didn;t have! He got this interest because this morning I told him to be careful climbing into the car so we didn't hit other people's cars. I got so cross I shoiuted again because he wou;dn't listen when I told him to stop. How can I get through to him? I don;t like shouting. I speak - Nothing. I raise my voice. Nothing. I shout. Nothing. I bellow. He cries. But still he doesn;t seem to understand anything is wrong. What can I do? I hate shouting and want to get through somehow we do not destroy other people's things or try and take them, to get him to stop behaviour that hurts other people and their things.

Thank you for your advice in advance,

Mummy.

It sounds like you have observed some sensory activities that are calming for him. Go with it - create a sensory diet for him at home and do the things or let him do the things that make him feel good as much as possible. There are several books that contain loads of info about sensory diets. Following is from a list that our OT gave us about sensory diets.

A sensory diet is effective in assisting children to self-regulate, motor plan, and improve mood, in part, due to the brain’s release of neurochemicals that calm, focus, and improve mood.
Carry heavy items (baskets with cardboard blocks, groceries for Mom, etc.).
Allow child to chew gum, eat chewy or crunchy foods, or sip water from a water bottle with a straw while doing homework.
Push or pull boxes with toys or a few books in it (more resistance is provided if boxes are pushed/pulled across a carpeted floor).
Fill a pillowcase with a few stuffed animals in it for weight. Child can then push or pull the pillowcase up a ramp, incline or stairs.
Take the cushions off sofas, vacuum under them, then put them back. Can also climb on them or jump and "crash" into them.
Pull other children around on a sheet or blanket.
Roller skate/rollerblade uphill.
Pull a heavy trash can.
Participate in sports activities involving running and jumping.
Have the child color a "rainbow" with large paper on the floor or with sidewalk chalk outside while child is on hands and knees.
Play "cars" under the kitchen table where the child pushes the car with one hand while creeping and weight bearing on the other hand.
Walk up a ramp or incline.
Make wood projects requiring sanding and hammering.

Once we started doing some of these things with our son, other things started to be easier. He responded more often and seemed generally less stressed and "wild". All kiddos have different things that feel good or bad for them so it takes some trial and error to find the things that will work for your son.

In addition to the things already suggested, I strongly recommend avoiding many situations until he has matured to a point of handling them better. Park at the far end of the parking lot so you won't be next to any cars. Avoid stores with tempting items near the check out - or conclude that business at another time. And so on. It sounds to me like he gets overloaded and it is very hard for a child to listen or accept reason when they are overloaded. So ... reduce the overload. I know that isn't as easy as it sounds, but it will make a huge difference in your progress with your child.

first thing i do when i need to speak to my son is make sure i have his attention. quite often autistics can be focused so intently on something else that your voice doesnt register, so you are talking to them, but they arent actively listening. even sometimes when they DO look at you, they still may not really hear what is being said. my SO has perfected the art of looking at you while completely ignoring what you are saying =P getting in their visual field, clapping or making a noise to draw attention, or touching them on the shoulder may help draw their attention so you are sure they hear you. then after you talk to them, ask them to repeat back what you said.

in stores, our autie behaves the same, so we employ two things. one, the shopping cart seat, our son at 5 still sits in it for 90% of our trips. and two, handheld electronics to keep him focused on positive things. i really wish i didnt need to use both, but its better than chasing him through the store picking up everything he knocks over. my son is highly tactile, which means he feels a need to touch everything, and that can really cause problems in a store full of items in breakable containers.

i would agree with DW that what you are describing, the "wild" behavior, is likely from sensory overload or sensory seeking behavior. bombaloo gave you some great suggestions to try for a sensory diet. you need to figure out what sensory needs he has and ways to fulfill them. my son requires a lot of tactile and proprioceptive input, that means he needs to manipulate and touch things for tactile needs and does a lot of spinning, crashing, laying on things for proprioceptive input. he likes small toys like legos and small figures that he can hold in his hands, and video games give a lot of tactile input too with all the button pushing. then he has a small trampoline in the living room and a 7 yr old brother for wrestling with (i know not everyone can provide this, but boy it works wonders when he really needs that input!). my son also doesnt sit on chairs or on the floor like most kids, he leans against furniture or lays down, usually on his side, on the floor. we dont try to prevent this behavior at home, but when out in the world, we do encourage the leaning on things and try to discourage laying on the floor =) these are just some ways we have come to understand and tried to provide for the sensory input he needs.

once you can get a handle on what he needs for sensory input, and how to provide it, you should see a big change in his behavior. he would thank you for it too, because as un-fun as it is for us parents to chase after them, its just as un-fun for them to feel out of control.

He seems to like things around him that limit his input area... maybe a blanket or something that he can carry around and put over his head??? a big floppy hat?

My son was a terror in stores, but I learned to make sure his hands were busy or to give him objectives.. When he was about three, I gave him the job of pushing the cart, holding the basket or carrying the shopping list. I'd often have him retrieve the items we needed. Or have him carry his favorite box of fruit snacks to "make sure it doesn't get forgotten".

He also seems to love to push buttons.... how about a keyboard?

Also.. my son had a big block of wood at home that had bolts, screws, and nails started in it. He loved to have me get down his tool box so pound away on it.

Thanks for your suggestions - this evening at 6pm instead of watching 20 minutes of relaxing TV (Waybuloo) we listened to a CD of heartbeat music therapy (You Don't Have To Let Your Baby Cry) he screamed through the first track and by track 2 he said "I like this" and was much calmer. We still had some chanting, flailing limbs and wild behaviour around 7pm (including licking us with saliva) but he was asleep by 8 this evening. Amazing!

I should really change my screen name in fact he is 4 he turned 4 last week. As he gets older his behviour is diverging further from his peers and he is getting more "extreme" in some ways. However in other ways he is getting more social and learning to share so that is really promising in terms of his schooling.

Mummy xx

Have you had him assessed for auditory processing disorder by an OT?