All is Destroyed in Lego Land

Post Reply New Topic

Disclaimer: J Bird is my youngest brother at 14. I have no kids.

Well, J Bird hates me now.

I er, accidentally knocked over one of his lego land buildings he designed. A little replica city. It was on the table and I bumped into it. It came crashing down onto the floor. Pieces everywhere. J Bird started screaming at me and told me he would never love me again. I'm sure he'll be okay in a few days.

And I did pick up my mess and tried to help him with the pieces, but he didn't want me around.

I had always known his lego piece sets were important to him. And knew he would react in this way if one of them ever was broken after he spent hours on it. But I never knew I'd be the one he was screaming at. And I'm the one who takes care of him most. Or talks to him the most.

J Bird when upset has interesting reactions to your "motivations" for a while. I found one of the missing pieces because he was complaining to dad about how I knocked it over and one piece was missing. Well I found it. Handed it to him. And he gave me the most suspicious look in the world. Like I was trying to buy him off.

Never in my life had I assumed I had become part of my brothers suspicions and considered a "danger" to his interest. Now in his little outside shed lego studio it says "No [insert my real name here" allowed".

I find the situation kind of cute.

But I'm just a little scared he won't forgive me.

Anyone else had a problem similar in encrouching on their siblings/children's interest.

Accidents happen. I think if you make a genuine peace offering - in about a week, after he's had time to deal with it - you might change things back. Say you are sorry a million times, tell him it was an accident, but also tell him that you accept responsibility for the accident and, thus, want to make it up to him.

A new lego set or some professional glue like they use in Legoland come to mind

I've messed up with my kids a million times in a million ways. It's called being human. They have to learn to stop sorting everyone into "friend" v. "enemy" and recognize that category called "loves me unconditionally but sure does mess up a lot."

Disclaimer: Also not a parent, have no siblings either.

I can only offer sympathy. I can see why you'd be afraid that he'd hold a grudge. Although, when other people have done similar things, how did he act? I'd say his behaviour will be more severe toward you because he probably never thought that this would ever happen with you either.

That's a shame. I don't know what to suggest, but he will come around in a while.

This also echoes a classic TV moment
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oO8S8xouXUk[/youtube]

its obvious from your posts about your brother than you really do love him. it can be hard for kids to see that, especially asd ones. just give him time to cool down. even nt kids are prone to outbursts and declarations like that when upset. just apologize frequently, try to do penance such as offering to do something for him or help him with something (but probably not legos, he isnt ready to let you near them yet).

sometimes perseveration makes it harder to forgive and forget. eventually he should get there, it just may take a while. in the meantime, try not to even look at his legos =) once he is ready to let you near them again, start small and use baby steps so he can work into trusting you again.

I remember going through it except I was the one who got mad when someone would accidentally wreck my stuff. But it get explained to me it was an accident and the person didn't do it on purpose to upset me. I would eventually get over it.

You can help him rebuild his Lego building you knocked over. Maybe he will like the building better than the first one and he won't feel so mad about it anymore.

Perhaps a nice note next to his.....

"(Insert real name) is very sorry for destroying your city and is very worried that you won't ever forgive me.".. and leave it at that until he's ready to talk.

I recognize that some people's anger might be further provoked by a note like this, but it might help with some... Only you know your brother well enough to know what the effect would be.

I know others have suggested glue... but maybe a less permanent solution can be found. Maybe part of the anger comes from fear that he won't be able to recreate it exactly as it was... Maybe you can offer to take pictures of each creation as insurance toward possible future catastrophes. That way you can help with repairs too!

He will forgive you, it just might take some time and creativity.

I've had similar accidents with my own younger brother before, though in this case it was more about turning off video games before he saved or accidentally overwriting his own save file with my own.

Your brother loves you and will forgive you once he gets a chance to cool down. But perhaps you should leave him alone until he is ready to talk to you, because I know from experience that sometimes in trying too hard to make it better, you might inadvertently make him angrier with you. He also might not want to talk to you right away because he may feel embarrassed about his meltdown after he has reflected on it. (That always happens to me whenever I blow up at someone! ) If you suspect that that is the case, you should reassure him that you love him and understand why he is upset.

I can tell that you and your brother are very close, so I would not worry about him hating you forever. A brother's love is eternal.

Thanks everyone.

lol. He's still a little sore, but he's getting there. Fidgety as hell though, always thought he was slightly embarassed when he blows up in front of people.

DWmom, I do that all the time. I only have two categories. Friend or Enemy. Either you're a friend, which tends to be close very immediate family. Or you're an enemy. J Bird has a hard time at school, so I understand I was the same way, so for him he's a little afraid that his own family will go against him.

I always try to reassure him that we will never go against him. But he's been crotchy since the divorce and he takes that as someone in the family betraying them. So he's a little confused on the rule right now that we love him no matter what and we're his alley.

Your brother is very lucky to have you (although he probably didn't feel that way right at the time this all happened).

I am a special education teacher and I LOVE the students I work with - they are "my" kids. I have to make decisions all the time that are likely to make my students angry with my and there have been many "accidents" where I have thought I was doing the right thing and it definately wasn't!

I have many students who have siblings, both younger and older, that don't deal well the "differences" that their brothers or sisters have. I think it is important that your brother obviously knows that you are there for him and that you care so deeply. Many older siblings care a great more about themselves and would rather that their younger siblings don't exist!

Again - He is truly lucky to have you as you are to have each other!