Sometimes I just would love my mom to fark off.

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She NEVER leaves me alone. I come home from school, the day was so stressful, I just just get online and play WoW just to calm myself down. Every hour of the day she breaks into my bedroom especially when I'm in a raid, where I'm forced to be away for her stupid things, like making me help her with a simple task or something I know nothing about. No one even bothers to farking knock. She constantly tells me to grow up, but she doesn't understand that gaming is the only thing that keeps me calm. Every time she comes in without knocking, it pisses me off. The more she does it, the closer I am to going into a meltdown. She doesn't see that I'm not in the mood. I don't want to talk. If she wants me to be happy, leave me alone. Get out off my room. I have nothing against her, I just want to have my space to myself so I can calm down and have peace.


She thinks I'm not interested in doing something with my life, but I'm sitting here constantly not knowing what to do. I didn't finish College because I constantly change majors. She's constantly making me sign up for social security and medicaid, when it's obvious that I don't qualify. She's encouraging me to get a job, but it's impossible right now because no one's every hiring.

One day my teacher told me that I'm supposed to be at a meeting with the special ed consultant. Only when I got home, my mother was invited. Here I am saying what the F***. Who invited her to the meeting? And why? And why the hell would anyone call my mother about my problems in class. Am I some kind of child? Wasn't this meeting supposed to help me? I knew that my vocational coach had something to do with it. I called him the next day, and it was then I went on massive meltdown. I yelled at him that I did not give him permission to call my mother and invite her to the meeting. Why? Because this meeting between me, my instructor, my vocational counselors, and my special ed counselor to help me with my problems in class. None of it concerns her. This is my responsibility to take care of my problems, not hers.

UGH. I know this is a place for parents to get help for their kids, but what about people who have problems with their parents?

How do I get my mom to piss off and leave me alone?

It's good that you put this in the Parenting forum. This will help the parents to see it from the other side.

Buy a doorknob with a lock and install it.

Or move your dresser in front of the door.

Worked for me.

I've always thought of doing that I get a lot of people suddenly bursting into my room.

About WoW....I played it for three years since release date. Make sure you don't display any crazy super loyalty to your guild. You should be able to opt out whenever you want. I started/ran one the and successful biggest guild on my server, but we never had to digitally bully people to keep 40-man raids constant; nevertheless 20-man raids nowadays. We had enough stable players, but even more casual players that got to switch-out between and raid too; it was very fun. I kept myself as a casual player for raiding.
We started on Skullcrusher and we even managed to all happily tansfer together to Mug'thol.

I quit the game, once my guild started to outgrow me and I somehow became an anonymous guildie. I was becoming bored with the game.
http://www.wowprogress.com/guild/us/mug ... +Syndicate

What I am trying to say is, most guilds depict and promote a negative culture on gamers. Don't let them waste YOUR time. Your mother may have noticed if you've fallen under this trap? If you are in control, then continue to be careful and join a guild like mine was.

I'm back to console gaming and playing in my own time; not others' time. Except if I have one of my two friends over.


As for knocking, I tried getting my parents to do it. They did it and always came in as-if they are entering an awkward situation; and I hated that too. So I didn't complain when they spontaneously stopped knocking. However I still finding them rushing in the room throws me to my wits'-end; so they get very little out of me till I visit them on my own later. I have no advice on a solution for this.

On this part, I think you need to explain yourself to your mom. Show her the post if that is easier for you. I've noticed with my son that he can have a round about (to me) way of expressing himself that doesn't actually tell me what I need to know. You've expressed yourself well here; repeat that to your mother.

Also, make a deal with her on how and when you will do the things she would like you to do. Tell her that in exchange for her honoring your need to play and be alone when you get home, you will spend X amount of time each day specifically doing "her" things, the things she either wants your help with or feels it would be "good" for you to do.

If you want a request to be honored, you should offer something in exchange. The later is the exchange. General rule for life: almost everything has to involve give with the take.



Well, she's your mother. She can't take care of your forever. You are supposed to grow up and DO something. I realize it's hard to make those decisions, but you kind of have to. Simple choice: do something to move forward with it, or accept that you cannot and need some version of disability assistance. Since I agree you are too young for the later, your only real option is to figure out the former. As far as no one hiring ... sorry, you don't get to give up or make excuses. If your mom wasn't there for you it would be figure something out or live homeless. So, FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.



Except you haven't taken responsibility nor SHOWN her that you are willing or able to. You are trying to live this blend of child / adult and thinking you get to pick which is which, ie when you can be a child and not have to be responsible for the cooking, cleaning, and money v. when you can be an adult and make your own decisions. You don't just get to pick and choose: you are either an adult, taking care of yourself and all your needs, or you are a child doing none of the above and needing your parent's assistance. I realize taht you are in a time of transition, and transitions are always rocky, but the end goal is to move towards taking care of yourself. It's easy to say you want all the best parts of being an adult first, but that isn't how it works. You earn the good parts by exhibiting ownership of the crappy parts.



It's OK, you've got to vent somewhere.

And I realize I may not give you the answers you want to hear, but being a mom I can probably figure out what makes her tick and, thus, give you the answers you need to hear.

The answer to that last line is to take responsibility for your life: offer to take on chores for the home you share, try to earn money to pay rent (and if you can't find a paying job, take on a volunteer one that betters the world in some way, or pursue education to invest in your future) and otherwise show her you are an adult willing to accept the responsibility that comes with it, and not just enjoy the benefits.

If your guild's anything like mine you probably raid at the same times every week? Like specific days on specific hours? If you do, that at least you can address by asking if you can come to some sort of agreement for you to have total privacy during those specific hours. You may have to compromise on some of the days, but again, if your guild is anything like mine you probably have a primary raid day and a secondary so you should be able to work something out. And yes, you will have to give something in return, things like helping her out with things or tolerating interruptions outside of that time. As for cooling down after the day, yeah, I know what you mean there too. Have you tried telling her you need time to just wind down after school? Like if you can come to some sort of agreement, you cool off with one instance or one BG or round of dailies, then after that interruptions are ok and you'll take a short break to help her out?

Just uh, don't get angry, don't get demanding, you need to explain that this is a huge social outlet for you and how you alleviate some of your stress and understand that she may not see it the same way you do. From her perspective you're not doing anything social, after all, there's no one in the room with you. So to her it's not the same as walking in on you hanging out with friends. But for a lot of us on the spectrum who game, attending an online raid is the closest we'll ever get to that social high a lot of NTs seem to get out of going to parties.

Snivvy - I'm sure your mom would like to tell you to snark off as well!

If you think about it, unmarried adults living together is prety rough on all parties. Frankly, you sound pretty young but are going through the phase we all go through, to get to independence.

I had to go a year without speaking to my mom to get that independence. But, you can't do that if the family is still supporting you. That makes everyone a tad bit testy.

Its probably important for you to really internalize that your parents don't owe you anything. They provide for you because they love you and do the best they can for you. At any time they could toss you aout on your ear, and they would be within their rights to do so. But they don't do that, do they? So there it is, evidence of their caring for you - no matter how irritating they are!

As a mom, I'm just guessing, but I bet the asking you to do unnecessary stuff, is about trying to get you involved at home, instead of solating from them. While you may not get much fromi spending time with them, as an adult working hard to provide for my family, nothing bothers me more than being treated like a servant, who's job it is to keep the house Maybe I'm off base and projecting, but it is a pretty common mom issue.

I am not sure how old you are but I assume you are an adult, twenties I would guess since you mentioned college. Your mother probably wants you to help out around the house and not be a moocher because you are an adult.

How often are you playing the game? If it's all the time after school till bedtime, I can see why she have a problem with it. But if you did stuff around the house and still played your game when you have the chance, then it might not be a problem.


And lot of people get denied social security. It doesn't mean you don't qualify. Even people who need it get denied so most of them get a lawyer. You just have to keep trying and trying. Even have your doctors write them letters and your school talking about your impairments and how they disable you.

About no one hiring, have you tried looking online or asking your mother how do you get a job if no one is hiring? Or looking in the Sunday paper in the job section about who is hiring. Places are always hiring or people so they post an ad in the paper for it. There is also craigslist where people post their job ads too when they are hiring. Is there voc rehab in your area? Can you go to that and see if they can get you a job? If you can't find a job, your mother may want you to work around the house so you aren't a burden. I also think she should be helping you too in life and helping you move forward because that is what parents are supposed to do. Being an adult doesn't mean "Oh you don't need help anymore, you're on your own." Even NT adults need help moving forward in life from their parents. Being an adult doesn't mean you can't have help anymore and you are on your own.

My mom always had this rule and she first told it to me when I was 18 or 19, being 18 doesn't make you an adult. It is just a open door in your life to more freedom like rights to vote or rights to purchase cigarettes, rights to gamble in a few states. She considered one an adult if they have responsibilities and act maturely and don't need help anymore from their parents. Then whenever I did something "adult" she praise me for it saying "You just took another step to being an adult, you did an adult thing without our help and you handled it on your own." So 18 is just a number and doesn't mean you are an adult. You are an adult by law and considered one but you aren't one in her eyes if you haven't taken a step out in the real world yet or having any responsibilities and being responsible and mature. And what I mean by mature is paying your own bills and handling your own money, being wise with your decisions, not partying or doing drugs ditching school and work. I do think one can be an adult as they do school because they are doing their school work and taking their education seriously and they aren't partying or playing hooky with their school work. And some are getting there but are not quite adult because they still have some growing up to do.
Being 21 opens more doors in your life because you can drink now and gamble in all states. You can be a foster parent now too. My mom also said turning 21 doesn't mean someone is an adult. being an adult doesn't always mean someone is one.


And to tell you the truth, when you act like a child, people tend to treat you like one. It's hard to treat someone like an adult if they are being a child. I've been there and it is hard treating someone like an adult when they don't act like one. My husband still says I treat him like a child sometimes but hey if he leaves his stuff around or dirty dishes and I have to remind him and he keeps forgetting, I turn into a nag. He thinks that is treating him like a child but what am I supposed to do? Not tell him to clean it up? So I tell him if he is going to be one, I will treat him like one.

I just wanted you to look at this sentence and think about what it means. it means, basically, that you need to set a number of randoms (or BG or Dailies) and NOT let it drag you into raid time. See what I mean? Because it's very easy to start farming at 5 and end up at 8 thinking ah well, only one hour til raid time, everybody starts showing up, people start talking and joking around while preparing the raid.
That's probably what happens, am I right?
What you need to do is not set a time but a number of instances, say, 3 , and after that you get up and deal with real life, warn your mother in advance about your raiding times, and don't appear online until half an hour before raid invites. If you do, you'll get caught in conversations .
You're an adult now, you should be able to do that.
It's normal to feel like you're being treated like a child , but the only way out is, like others have said, behaving like an adult. Which means , if you're in college, working hard at your studies so you can live independantly as soon as possible, and maybe find a part time job ( not suggesting something atrocious like a fast food restaurant, but what about a video game store ? You'd be good at it )

I wish it was so simple to get a job you would actually enjoy but sadly lot of us are forced to have jobs we don't like or want. Better than having no money.

Your mom is probably worried about you and wants you to be an active member of the family rather than just a student/gamer. personally i hate WOW. my SO plays that game and it sucks for the rest of us because once you're on it you think you can't leave and raiding takes forever and it takes away so much time that could otherwise be spent doing productive things or being apart of something real, in the real world like being with family. when someone spends that much time gaming, to their loved ones it says, 'this game is more important to me than my relationship with you.' and it's not just me that feels that way, there are support groups and everything for people who's loved ones are on WOW. my other half also claims the game is relax but it's obvious from watching him that he's not relaxed and doesn't appear to be having all that much fun as he sits there scowling and occasionally cursing at the game. it's just as unfair to leave dinner prep and everything up to your mother while you play as it is when he leaves all the responsibility of dealing with the kids up to me while he plays. also, just to throw it out there the game is designed to be addictive. it is designed to cause people to obsess over it and have a hard time to stop playing. basically it's designed to take over and make you feel all your needs are being fulfilled by it to get you to keep paying the monthly fee and buying upgrades.
your mother is also probably feeling used. from what you are describing you don't have any clear goals for your future and you aren't even trying to support yourself. as a mother that is a concern, that you will be supporting you forever, always doing everything for you because you aren't putting in an effort to be self supporting or to handle the responsibility of looking after yourself. if you want independance, be independant. get a job. the no one's hiring excuse is not enough. keep handing out resumes. go to fast food places, coffee shops, grocery stores, chain stores. those places are always hiring every couple months at the most. go to a job connect service. you are probably doing some of these already but these are things independant people take care of on their own: do your own laundry. buy your own supplies and clothes, get yourself up and prepared for the day on your own. make dinner for the family every couple days if you must live at home. chip in on the grocery bill. do the dishes. keep your room clean and your personal hygeine in check. if you have pets look after them. do chores around the house without being asked just because it needs to be done. be punctual. make time for the people that matter to you. practice self-control. pay for your own cell phone/internet. don't ask for money. apply for whatever social programs might apply to you and fight to get them if that's what you gotta do to be self sufficient. those are (some of)the things you need to do to be independant, you need to not relie on your mother for anything but companionship and then you will have independance. if you are living in her house and she is doing everything for you and paying your way then you are still a child and she has every right to come to meetings about your education plan and ask you to do chores and tell you that it's time to get off the computer. as for knocking, yes she should be knocking but that makes me wonder if you answer her knock? or is she knocking and then opening the door? it's her house, you can't just put a lock on the door or block it off with a dresser. she owns your room. you can't just claim you are now independant and expect everyone to respect that if you haven't taken the necessary steps to get to that point.

eta: there's nothing wrong with having to work in fast food. it's actually easier to get a job once you already have a job and then you can work your way up to something you like. my first job was wearing a hairnet, a bouret and an apron handing out free samples of whatever the item of the day was. not exactly prestigious but everyone has to start somewhere and most of us start at the bottom.

I do believe mothers should knock because just because it's part of their home doesn't give them the right to barge in your room. It be like the landlord barging into your home without knocking just because she owns the place. But you made a good point, she could be knocking and the OP isn't answering it so she barges in.


Internet games, I loathe them. I hate games like WOW because people get addicted to them and I don't understand it. I don't understand what's so addicting. I hear you have to be on it for hours to get further in the game and playing it for 40 minutes doesn't get you anywhere. I despise them because I had an ex who was a game addict and he played this game which I can't remember the name of. It was a fighting game and it went online and he never got off. I felt I wasn't important to him and the game was more important to him. I has to fight to get him off the computer so I could use the internet. I would even tell him I want the internet when I am done with my shower and guess what, he still be on it when i come out so I had to fight him off. Then I thought maybe I am not being clear so I told him when I say I want the internet, I want him off the internet and have it connected to my computer ready for me to use when I am out, not have him still be on the computer playing when I am out. He still didn't listen. Now since then I have hated computer games that go online. I have hated people getting addicted to them. I will never allow them in my house, they will be banned in my household. My home, my rules. Even my adult son wouldn't be allowed them because I do not want it in my house. I would see it as the landlord not allowing smoking in the home so it be the same with computer games. They be banned. Banished. But yet my husband has one on his computer (not WOW) but my son better not get addicted to it. I just won't let him play it.

Never say never. I don't like Internet gaming any more than you do but as someone who has been at this parenting thing for a while I will tell you that nothing will get between you and your child faster than an absolute. Being rigid will end up making you and the kids miserable. I know that's hard when you believe in something but being open to different views is important to success as a parent.

I would like to reemphasize the issue on the online games. There is a significant factor of having feelings loyalty that are deeply deeply embedded into the addiction.
There is no way to cool down their playing habits; if they are fortifying it with a sense of loyalty and 'feel-in-place'. You have to disillusion them very very subtlety that the people really can survive without their own presence.
As said above, going ABSOLUTE or telling them this too directly will challenge their ethics and put them into the defensive. It is not a mere habit/addiction.

I'm sorry Snivy; if I hurt you and your thread here.

Saying that someone is not an adult unless they do not depend on their parents and are financially independant is a load of able-ist bullcrap.

By that reasoning all disabled people are not adults... BULLCRAP. By that reasoning I guess someone who stays at home and takes care of the children or elderly parents must be a child too.

People should appreciate the people they depend on, but it does not mean whoever owns the house can do whatever they want and control everything. A landlord can't tell their tenants "no video games allowed". Ok, so a tenant pays rent... but still.

Everyone, even children of a reasonable age deserve at least privacy in their room.

A parent-offspring relationship should not be based power struggle and trying to "win", it should be based on doing what is best for everyone.

A lot of aspie problems are mostly due to stress, but its so common for people to just want to put more stress on us over petty crap.