Knocked On My Butt

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I've always been a little too honest for my own good I guess.

Today, we saw my son's counselor. He's always been pretty supportive. I really like him.

So, I told him that I'd found WP and how nice it was to get advice, hear other's stories, and that I felt this was a positive step for me.
I'm not really a therapy, counseling, support-group type person. But I was excited to tell him that I'd found something that worked like
that for me. This is the first time I've sought a sort of support system for myself... and though I don't actively rely on any specific person,
this is some place I can always come.. and I'm not alone.. and mostly, people understand what I'm going through.

He was not very receptive. He pretty much gave me the "Don't let those people on the internet fill your head with crazy notions" speech.

That was very disappointing for me. I know I don't need him to validate my actions, but you know, damn it, would a "good girl" for stepping outside
of my comfort zone been so bad?

It's several hours later, and I'm still frustrated.. a little tearful.. though I'm not sure why exactly... it just makes me sad.

You likely feel tearful because he displayed a lack of empathy on what was a sensitive subject for you, while you had your walls down and emotions exposed.

You didn't share what he said specifically, so I can't comment much to that end, however the internet is a place where one really must rely on their own judgement and not be afraid to disagree with people and be disagreed with.

Here on WP you will find a very large assortment of individuals, some who actually have AS or some ASD, some who actually have other issues but think they have AS or some ASD, some who just don't fit into society for whatever reason, some with political agendas and theories on this or that.

I know I don't agree with everyone. I know that not every situation is the same.. But I can say that I have better understanding of our situation and how to approach it and in just a short time I have seen a big difference. Sure I haven't been around long enough to say it will be a long term difference, but I hope it will be. I feel that I am a better parent to my son since coming here.

To be honest, I don't remember his precise words.. I remember his body language and it came across like a big fat eye roll.

You know, when go into the counselor he asks how it's been going. Usually, I mention a few of the "issues" we've had and we go from there. This week I felt so positive.. I told him about the progress I've made with the school and positive things about my son. That is something that has been pointed out to me here. Celebrate the positive.

I was excited to tell him. I think before, I wouldn't have had the confidence to ask his teacher to try some different strategies.

.... sorry, still frustrated...

*in a sarcastic tone* Yes, yes, we here are all just a bunch of nameless, faceless, know-nothing nobodies, are we not?!

The counselor has a point in the sense that you did not need a lot of conflicting advice, but yes, he could have been a little more supportive and encouraging in the overall sense.

Hang in there ...

next time you see the counselor, thank him for his warning. and politely remind him that if those involved locally in your sons care were more competent, then you wouldnt have to seek resources and information online.

=)

Thank him for his warning. Tell him that with all the time you spent on WrongPlanet, nobody ever asked for your insurance information or a co-pay so OBVIOUSLY this was a bad place that you had no place being. I mean, what's support and compassion if you're not paying for it? You've happily isolated yourself from the outside world again, patiently awaiting the time when you get to see him again to hear his knowledgeable voice tell you everything that you need to know about anything. Then ask him for assistance in composing a prayer in worship of him.

Okay, maybe don't do any of that. But I have fun picturing it!

Dumb ego is dumb. Don't let him project his insecurity on to you. You're here to receive support, not to dethrone his place as a therapist. This website was recommended to me by the Nurse Practitioner at my former clinic. So the problem isn't with you or this forum. The problem is that your son's therapist is human with weaknesses and insecurities that he's not managing. Thankfully, once you can identify why someone behaves the way that they do, you're less injured by the behavior.

I completely understand that you'd be frustrated and even a bit hurt, you found something you were excited about, shared it with someone you thought would at least be somewhat understanding as he knew of the difficulties you'd faced in the past and might even be supportive of you feeling better because of it and instead he talked it down. I get that and I'm sorry you had a bad experience with him like that since you clearly trust him and value what he's done so far.

I do think he was probably concerned you would be getting some sort of crazy advice like "oh, no your son just needs to re-experience the birthing moment to cure his condition and my rebirthing therapy will only cost you 2k, oh and an additonal 2k for the specialized equipment." or "My kid was cured of his autism by laying of hands by a guy at our church, he can heal your kid as well" from well, the kind of nutjobs and conmen you find in a lot of other scuzzier sites. He probably wanted to make sure you were being careful and worries about you falling for miracle scams. I'm sure he didn't intend to be insensitive to your needs to have some support of your own... but of course, I'm just one of those crazy people on the internet so I'm probably wrong, right?

Well, of course!

However, I once gave a doctor a printout of a few posts from here including one of my own, and he actually took all of that quite seriously.

I feel better after sleeping.. And, think I will tell him something along those lines, as well as telling him that while I understand his warning, he missed an opportunity to give me support that I, apparently, really needed.

The truth is, his reaction was the same as I get from everyone else. The school and the psychiatrist do this to me every time I mention a therapy or pose a question based on something I've discovered on line. The reality is that no one has given me information. They don't recommend books. They've never given me a pamphlet. They don't give me comparative ideas. People in my everyday life are not really as supportive as I need because they either don't really understand or simply don't try to.

He should know my parenting style well enough by now to know that I'm not going to take every bit of advice as gospel. I think it's reasonable for me to tell him that he had an opportunity to give me some much needed positive re-enforcement and dropped the ball.

I tend to over analyze everything though.... and question my feeling and the right I have to have those feelings... which is why in cases like this I tend to just bury it and not say anything...but I don't think I'm wrong to tell him that he hurt my feelings and why......

Hey BurntOutMom -

I tell people that wrong planet changed our lives - how's that for getting the eye roll?

I usually just mention "online support group" and act as if it's common knoweledge that groups of parents in my position are pretty spread out both geographically AND spread thin as far as time and energy resources. I then talk about meeting parents and Aspies who are farther on the path than I and how the sharing of their experiences has impacted us for the better.

THEN....I start sharing some of Trackers Analogies to explain in NT terms what it must feel like to deal with issues our kids have to deal with.

So far my professionals have been supportive.

I would go back and say....

"your reaction to Wrong planet really disturbed me, in fact had me in tears. Can I ask what specific concerns you have? This has been the 1st place I have found that sheds light on what my child is going through and access to other parents in my situation. Do you have some other thoughts as to how and where I can find this?"

I think this is great advice - I agree, many people in social services are justifiably concerned about what's out there on the internet (let's face it, when it comes to autism, there is a LOT of crazy stuff out there...not just on the 'net, either.) Although we're lucky to have therapists who are understanding, I've always prefaced my explanation of WrongPlanet with "I find it's really helpful because there are so many posters who have autism spectrum disorders themselves; it really helps to get their perspective."

So sorry you got shut down; that doesn't feel good.

There are a lot of crazies on the internet, but also a lot of good. Some people are incapabe of seeingB for A. Given the nature of AS, that stronger communities would be forming on line than in real life shouldn't surprise anyone. This man is showing that he doesn't trust your judgement in sorting the good from the bad ... Call him on it.

I got a similar reaction from a similar professional and now I just keep this to myself. I didn't mention WP by name but said that I had gotten advice about stimming from a forum populated mainly by autistic adults. He had tried to get me to use ABA to get my daughter to stop stimming. I was using things I'd learned here to justify to him why I was not going to follow that advice. He wasn't happy with that and said, "they aren't objective- you are doing your daughter a disservice by listening to them". So I just keep such things to myself now.

Unlike you, I was given a pamphlet and the pamphlet had a reading list. However none of the books were written by autistic authors (you'd think bestsellers like "Look Me In The Eye" or "My Life In Pictures" would be natural recommendations). And to be perfectly honest, the best written parent-specific advice I've gotten has been Tracker's e-book. I now recommend it to similarly frustrated parents.

I'm not even sure I know what ABA is.... there are so many terms that I had either never heard, or didn't properly understand until I came here. "Stimming" being one of those I'd never heard... "Sensory" being one that I didn't truly understand.... It took me forever to figure out what NT meant! As these would seem to be common terms in the ASD world, I find it seriously lacking that I'd never heard any of these *from* the "professionals" we've seen.

Yes, I understand why you would feel insulted. He basically put you in the "internet" category. You know, those people who think they have brain cancer because they've read the symptoms on the internet .
A lot of NTs don't know how to USE the internet, so they think everyone is the same and lack the discerning skills to dismiss the "crap" and find the jewels hidden in the pile. You felt attacked because he called you stupid. He questioned your reasoning abilities. I thought it a good idea to break this feeling down for you and spare you another sleepless night trying to figure out what he had made you feel exactly...
I've spent two nights myself trying to understand why I was so enraged by a question asked by my son's psychiatrist (twice), which was: "you have internet, don't you?" with a snarky smile.
Figured I'd let you in on my brand new wisdom
He called you stupid. You have a right to be angry.

Last edited by ediself on 12 Apr 2011, 12:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I actually haven't had any trouble from our professionals ....or I'm oblvious (can never rule that out ) ... for the most part, the feedback I seem to get is "we wish more parents were as in tune as you are," and only the occasional "these are the reasons I disagree with that." In other words, I do feel like I've been given the honor of being treated as a thinking, intelligent adult.

As for that "they aren't objective" comment, my answer would be a firm, "of course they aren't, and you consider that a bad thing? For them to share what they feel they need, and why? How it makes their lives better? Is our goal here to raise children that make us happy, or to raise children that ARE happy?"