well here I am again!

Post Reply New Topic

Hi All of you great people who offered your support to me in January when I fumbled in with my possibly aspergers teen girl who has struggled the last couple of years.

If you remember I wrote about her making racist remarks and this shocking me due to the way we have brought her up. Well Im over the shock of most of the things she comes out with now and the racism? Well erm, its not big in her mind and seems to have faded away. Its more now that she hates people in general, including me of course. It seems my little girl doest love me but Im dealing with that too.

We are still awaiting the dx and assessment began on April, she has another appointment next week so we will be getting closer to some sence i hope.

I have studied more and more symptoms and she is deffo not classic, she is one on her own. Her mental health has taken some improvement but thats down to ignoring abuse of all kinds from her and rewarding her when she is nice lol ! ! If I do the program that takes everything away such as grounding and lap top and phone etc. Im afraid I lose her altogether and she turns hateful and does not seem to be able to see that she can get things back by being respectful.

My middle daughter is soon to move out and it will be just me and little'n. This is a big turning point and gives me opportunity to re set her wrecked room! She has broken everything from 8 phones this year, my lap top, her bedroom that was lovely when she was little is now a shell of nothing as she has sabbotaged everything that was her own. This was the result of the depression. The way she has expressed her distress is to put holes in my walls and my home feels very unlike a home right now.

But there is a turn a massive turn, not sure if its good but for once in her life, the boyfriend who ws the initial bain is now her closest companion, they are happy in each others company and I suspect almost obsessive about each other. However, this is the first consistant freind who doesnt let her down. Some one who takes her as she is, is as childish and almost as fragile as she is, they seem to have found mutual common ground. This scares me but it has so chilled her down and given her reason to live.

My heart breaks at certain points, I shed tears over the daughter that seems tohave no attachment to me. I am simply a tool a provider. I however am attached to her and miss what I thought I had or would have with her. this is my grief and I dont know how to cope. 95% of the time I accept, I show strength, I do not take things personnally and I trust in time and patience. However right now Im, devastated, I m lost and I feel so alone without her love.

Tell me this is normal please. I am not going to crack up and run away. I feel guilty losing my strength. Its all so painful and Im so lost

I think it's very normal for children to take their parents for granted and not express much love, especially during the teen years when they often see their parents as oppressors as well as providers. The parents still love their children, but of course that means they will take care of the children anyway, so the children don't necessarily see any need to express affection. I certainly took my parents for granted all the way until I had children myself, at which point I realized how much effort my parents had put into me.

On the plus side, that means our children will have more love available for their children - our grandchildren.

Teenage girls must separately emotionally from their mothers, although just how far varies widely. It is something they need to do in order to come into their own as women. Many who act as your daughter does now will do a 180 as adults; others may never. All you can do is hope, continue to give the best you have, because holding on and trying to make it so will only backfire. Which I know you understand, but it doesn't lessen the pain any, does it?

So (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) for being a good mom and doing right by her even when she doesn't try to do right by you.

Thank you, I keep coming back to the normality of the teenage girl thing in contrast to this daughter! I have two elder daughters aged 26 and 27. They both became detatched and not my little girls any more. Ive been there. They are both wonderful now1 This is so different, more pronounced.


I have tried to be there for her and I have ignored some of her behaviours and focussed on the good. Last night she, yet again gave me a nice bruise on my leg because I wanted my mobile phone back. She had had it for half an hour after we agreed ten mins. She kneed me in the thigh! Yes I did keep my patience and she wont be having my phone tonight. I dont know how much more I can take. She quite calmly tells me that I am nothing to her, that she doesnt love me and only lives with me because she has nowhere else. She is all of 14 years and has consistent tender loving care. She uses language and violence that is alien to us as a family and hates herself in the process.

I am trying to remain strong, patient and encouraging. For how long, I dont know

Thank you for yet again, pulling me back and aiding me to see that some of this is teenager fueled which is making it more extreme.