Why it is so vital for ASP to be diagnosed and treated!

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I am just one scenario. But how many more are there in the world like me who dont understand themselves or others.

In reading about aspergers I not only see my daughter but I really see myself and I'm starting to understand why I had such horrible times in my life. A diagnosis, understanding, and some treatment for aspergers could have prevented me spending my childhood in trouble, my teens in silence and my 20s in abusive relationships.

One thing with me is that my responses dont match my emotions. For example when I am hurt I act out angry and aggressive. The more hurt the angrier I seem to others. So people treat me as if I'm angry and do all the wrong things because in reality my feelings have been horribly hurt by something said or done. When angry I am just cool and stay busy bc I dont even want to look at you. People often do not even realize I am angry with them at all.

So as a child I got horrible responses from others when I expressed how I was feeling. I would laugh to keep myself from crying so imagine how things went when I laughed in my mothers face after a spanking. I learned that if you want to make things worse - express yourself.

By the time I was in my teens I had enough maturity and self control to simply control my emotions and stopped expressing my emotions entirely. I simply do what others are doing and people like me now. (still do that one) People never know how I feel. I always said I was fine. When people said things after tough events to make me feel better I just agreed and smiled and 'felt better'. People like that and you dont get horrible reactions for being easy to deal with.

So now we're to the 20s and there is dating. Life gets really horribly off track because when men are angry, rude, yell, or are abusive I think they are horribly hurt by something I did. I do the natural thing and work hard to apologize, make things right, make it up to them, and make them feel better. Seeing my point now?

I was also very inappropriate sexually in my teens and early 20s because it was one of the few areas in relationships where I always knew what was going to happen and what response I would get. Guys liked me and I had some control over the situation. And when men didnt call me, were standoffish, and distant I didnt worry about that bc I am like that too. I didnt understand that that meant they didnt care about me bc I cared and I acted that way too.

The worst thing is that I didnt feel confused. I just made a lot of poor decisions bc I had the facts wrong. I misinterpreted the way people treated me. I was uncomfortable with the guys who cared about me bc they acted so differently than I do. (not a mushy gushy affectionate type at all). I never saw breakups coming bc I was ok with the just watching tv and not talking. I actually preferred it. It was just hard and I let myself be put through hell.

I luckily found a great guy at 29 and we are still going. So a happier ending for you. I'm not an 'unhappy' person but I also know there is no one who really 'knows' me. I'm not expressive. I go with the flow even when that flow sucks for me. I have no close friends. If my mom is not home I dont have anyone else to call if I want to talk to someone. Thankfully I work with the public every day where everyone likes me or I would probably be lonely and depressed. My job keeps me happy bc its lots of easy smalltalk, nothing real emotional, and I see a lot of people everyday.

I'm different and I'm fine with that. I just wish I had known that earlier. It's important to me that my daughter understand herself and her differences and know the realities of what it means when a NT does X. I want her life to be better.

Thanks for sharing this, it is really helpful for me in understanding my child. The part about acting angry when you are actually hurt is really important for me to understand. A lightbulb went off for me when you said that, I think my son is doing that. thank you!

I think my son is in the show as few emotions as possible stage.

I am sorry for all you went through because you and no one else understood.

We do have the chance to make things better for our kids, and we do make things better, but as I watch my son grow I know that I still haven't fixed much, and his life is still made more difficult and confusing by the AS. Not that we would change any part of him, but I get frustrated by what we can't do to improve the course of his life.

Hi Squirelflight77,

Sorry for the long post - I've tried to edit it a bit. I've been reading about Aspergers as my daughter is being assessed at the moment, but I also display a lot of the traits and feel at home on WP. As a young child, kids knew how to 'press my buttons' and get responses that they could then laugh at. I eventually stopped showing how I was feeling, even though I was often very hurt. I became painfully shy until my daughter was born, 5 yrs ago, when I forced myself into situations I'd never dreamed of before. Fortunately, I met my husband when I was 16, so didn't have to go through the dating hell.

But, life with his family has been torture. My brother-in-law has made a lot of hurtful comments, but in his case many were possibly unintentional (I strongly suspect he and his dad have AS, husband has traits). But, those comments were always backed up by his obviously NT wife (who has a jealous streak). As I didn't ever respond, they didn't think their comments were impacting on me, but they cut very deep. Anyway, 6 months ago, I found myself mid-way through a full-on argument with them. This was totally out of character for me and it felt like I was watching myself from oustide. I had absolutely no control over what I was doing or saying, but it was all true. When my mother-in-law heard about it, she went berserk and brought up a lot of trivial stuff about our wedding (16yrs ago), which annoyed her and she'd never mentioned before and had nothing to do with me anyway. I found it very difficult to respond to her and needed time to think. I knew she didn't like me, but I'd no idea why and her accusations were ridiculous. I've written a response, but not given it to her. I've decided I'll never see her again.

Thankfully, I have my husband and parents on my side. My husband hasn't seen his family since before Christmas. I did not want him or my daughter to stop seeing them, but my husband loves me and is very angry with all of them. I'm a genuinely nice person (although I say it myself) and don't feel I deserve all of the criticism I've received from them for all these years. I've always been liked in every other area of my life, even if I'm a bit different and a target for bullies.

Like you, I want a better life for my daughter and I especially don't want her to lose her confidence. I want her to be able to express her feelings correctly. That might have changed the relationship I had with my in-laws, even though they are very difficult people.

Best wishes to you and your little one. x

Thats exactly how I feel. and from what I've read online about girls with aspergers this is very common .. to just shut down emotionally and mimic everyone, etc so I feel we need to start intervening now so that this is avoided for her. Unfortunately Dad does not agree with me about all this so I'm fighting an uphill battle at home too.