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Hi!
My name is Becky, I am a 35 yr old mother of 4 children. I have ADHD, diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago. My eldest son is 16, and has ADHD/ASD. My 12 yr old daughter is undergoing assessment for ADHD. She is very creative, and mostly kind and polite, but a lot of the time, also seems to take pleasure in irritating her younger siblings to the point they are crying or yelling. You always know she is in the house, because you hear her. Either because she is singing, shouting, running and banging around. She is also extremely hormonal and uncontrollable before a period, which she first got in Sept 2010.
Caitlin is her younger sister, who just became 7. She is being assessed for possible ASD. I have had my suspicions for a while, especially as I come to learn more about ASD. She hit all her milestones early, but is socially immature. She has an excellent memory, and eye for detail. She has had problems with toilet training, and is seen regularly at a clinic, to be monitored for the ongoing problem. She appears very mature verbally, and talks like a little grown up, but acts much younger in many ways. I also believe she mimics an awful lot. Resistant to change, and always has meltdowns after school, at the beginning of every school year/term. Also she can be very hostile. Her teacher recently wrote a cover letter, on top of filling out a conner's scale. The letter said Caitlin is a perfectionist, and has low self esteem, as she hates getting things wrong, and beats herself up about it, when she makes mistakes. She often plays alone, as although kids at school play with her, they get fed up of her making all the decisions in games, and taking over.
Sorry, I know this is really long winded. She can be very affectionate, and is very witty, though that's mainly unintentional, and she doesn't like being laughed at for saying things she meant seriously. She loves nature, and can often be found collecting families of snails in the garden, and making little homes for them.
Lastly, my son Shane, who is very bright. He just turned 5, can read fluently, sounding out difficult words, is good with numbers, and can ride a bike unaided. He is very high in energy, and wakes in the night, but is generally my saving grace, as he is such a happy ray of sunshine.
Life isn't all bad, but can be very stressful, and there is never a dull moment lol. But there are many battles in the home, because they all have such different needs. There is very little organisation, as my ADHD makes it hard for me to organise daily routines, let alone them organise themselves.
I really could do with some kind words of encouragement, and maybe some advice. I look forward to hearing from some of you, if you didn't stop reading halfway through lol.

I think I need a nap just reading that! LOL You do have your hands full and I'm so proud of you for how much you are doing for all of your children! Your 7 yr old sounds a lot like my daughter who is now 10 and being screened for ASD and SPD. They are great kids but such fragile little eggs at time.

Not a lot of suggestions as I have an only child and honestly do not know a lot about adhd but I know for the ASP kids some routine and structure would probably help. Since routine dont come naturally for everyone in the household I wonder if you just wrote a basic routine with the ASD ones and gave them that if they would give them routine. Of course the hard part here is keeping the 12 yr old from sabotaging their routines which could be come very important to them.. Very complicated situation you have. Have you tried a good 'family' counselor? Maybe someone who could help sort out every ones various needs and how to have them met with balance and respect for the differences of the others in the home? Hopefully some others will have some good ideas for you.

Hi! Thanks for the boost. Sometimes you just need someone to recognise what you're dealing with.
I guess the routine structures would be a good idea if we try really hard to stick to them lol.
I guess when the 2 girls are assessed properly, we can see where we go in regard to counselling. It's just such a long slog to get where you want to go. You know, finding out the official diagnosis. Tell me a little more about your daughter.

I find the routines to be very helpful just be sure to not EVER attach an actual time to the schedule! lol Then the inflexible bug jumps in and things go downhill fast. For example if I tell Jordan lunch is at 12 she gets really snippy and aggravated if lunch hits the table at 11:56 bc its NOT 12.. So we have learned to not schedule ourselves into a corner either. We do more of a series of events.. we will do this this this and this .. That works for us for outings too. I just tell her all the things we have to do. But again.. I cannot add to or change this once it is uttered into the universe.. LOL

Jordan is a great kid.. loves nature like your girl too. She told me a secret yesterday that there is a mouse in her room and she thinks is soooo adorable and loves to watch it so does not want Dad to know about it. Shes bright and yappy and quirky. Loves wolves. Is inflexible to a fault, resistant to change, sensitive to everything, easily irritated, and horribly rude and belligerent if stressed out.

I have always known she was weird but she is having a really hard time coping with the stress at her caregivers. She has been going to another homeschool family for the past yr now that we are both working outside of the home. We have made a few changes that are working well and things are much much better. Stress is reduced and behavior is manageable. I'm trying to get her screened for asp and to day we see an OT for sensory stuff.

Lol, what a coincidence. We had mice, and Caitlin made a little house with a card board box, and even beds. She put bits of cheese in too. She cried at the thought of her dad putting traps down.
Even when Caitlin is prepared before a trip, she gets very anxious, and plays up before we leave. I think I myself need some cognitive behavioural therapy, and some new medication to help me organise routines better.

Don't you just hate that feeling when something slips past your lips and even as you finish saying it you want to take it back because you know that now you are going to have to do EXACLTY what you just said no matter what else you may have had planned?! I know that DS is going to take everything I say literally but I still find myself occasionally backing myself into a corner by saying something I wasn't quite ready to do.

bex7t6 - welcome to WP! It does sound like you have your hands full. Hang in there. I was just reading a passage that talked about an older sibling coming home from school and tormenting her younger sibling and when asked why she was so mean to her sister, the older girl replied that is made her feel better. If this is true for your 12 yo, perhaps finding her a better outlet to take out the days frustrations would tame the torment. Like a punching bag or recently another person here suggested tearing up old phone books. Good luck to you!

Ditto X3! I have found that I spend a lot of time explaining quietly that things don't always go the way we want, and we sometimes have to change our plans (while a tornado erupts around me.) I think it's good to use the times things change as a teaching moment if you can...though we also avoid it whenever possible. It is amazing the number of things DS considers to be "change."

I have never been diagnosed, but am at the very least scatterbrained if not ADHD - I depend on electronics. We have a master calendaring system set up via Google calendar that automatically uploads to our cell phones and individual computers. It can also download from the phones, so if something spontaneous happens I can type it in. Not sure if this applies to your situation, but we've found it to be a godsend.

I am the oldest of two brothers. P Buddy 19 year old and a J Bird 14 year old. The 19 year old is what I call the explosive angry meltdown spectrum kid, if things aren't met he gets highly upset and brings to erupt like a volcano. The 14 year old is higher functioning then either of us, but I call him the implode spectrum kid because he rarely screams or gets angry when something doesn't go his way, but you can slowly watch J birds expression implode in on itself and he gets real quiet and kind of depressive. I'm the regressor spectrum kid. I regress in behavior when things are changed and not met. Then my dad is undiagnosed, mild functioining aspergers.

So you can see how the house flows? Or not flows?

It can be a little crazy. The 19 year old is unorganized, chaotic mess, and spontanous. The 14 year old his highly organized in a sequential pattern way. And I am the one who has all his crazy calendars and charts and times.

The 19 year old is spontanous which sends me into a tiffy. I mean straight up tiffy. I want to strangle him sometimes.

P Buddy, "Tomorrow we'll go to Target and Barnes 'n Noble"

Me, "All right,"

Next day we go to Target to get our toilet paper rolls. Remember I marked on my calendars and my to do list what tomorrow entails.

"I am tired of being out," P Buddy, "Let's go home."

My calendar breaks, my mind bends. Ooo it just drives me banaanas. rofl.

So I mean, I condemn you for your skills with dealing with 4 children. I can only imagine, I have two different to deal with.

So I mean, I condemn you for your skills with dealing with 4 children. I can only imagine, I have two different to deal with.

I really hope you meant commend me lol?
Honestly it can be tough, really tough! When people ask me how I cope, I usually say that I fake it, and that a lot of the time it doesn't feel like I'm coping. I dunno, maybe I'm knocking myself a bit, and I think I beat myself up for simply 'being human' I guess.
Thanks for all your advice. Making use of technology to organise myself is probably a great idea, as I am a complete technology freak. My ADHD holds me back on sticking to routines, which is a minus when you have kids on the spectrum. I really don't have much family support in regard to my diagnosis or my 'officially diagnosed' son. My sister means well, but because I come from a very dysfunctional background, she thinks a lot of problems are down to cause and effect, and she worries about labelling. To be honest, by age 32 when I got my diagnosis, I was relieved to have a label, after being the bullied kid, then the rebellious and impulsive teen, to a confused young adult and parent. You spend years, and I mean years, being aware that you are different, and just thinking you're a weirdo, to knowing that you're not really a freak, you're just wired differently. It helps that I like to do my research, and have read and learned an awful lot about mine and my kid's conditions, as it means I can better empathise with them. I am in a far better position to understand my 12 year olds difficulties. I need an awful lot of patience with them, and often have to talk myself in to staying calm.
I will take on board any advice I've been given. This forum is a haven for all of us parents and teens, on and off the spectrum. There are some truly wonderful people here.

I meant commend.

lol....blame my poor writing skills.

Your writing skills are fine lol. It's an easy word to confuse, and I thank you for the compliment.