Social anxiety or aspergers?

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What are everyones thoughts on this? My daughter (10) whom I suspect may be aspie talks about always feeling left out at school. She says she doesn't know what to say but mostly if there is a group. One on one is much easier. Sometimes she just acts all silly and giggly which is not the real her. She can't understand all the group politics. She loves animals and is like a walking encyclopedia of animal facts. We care for orphaned possums and she says she loves them more than her 'friends'.
She has trouble keeping friends also. She reads and reads and remembers everything but still can't tie her shoelaces or clean her teeth properly. She seems sad about feeling left out though, it does bother her. So...any thoughts.....

Interesting, I dont know much at all but I too wonder for my 4yr old boy - some days I just think its abit of anxiety?? Have you talked to drs etc about it? Tell me about her at 4yrs?? - did she have the same probs? My son doesnt seem to really care hes not fitting in as such sometimes if im around he looks at me with a scared/weird look if someone talks to him ! But generally he thaws out and 'kinda' fits in. What a wonderful vet she would make or animal rescuer!! I look forward to reading other posts. Thanks.

Manna, at four she was very sociable. These issues seem to have come on since she was around 6ish. I remember at playgroup I would lose her only to find she was on an other parents lap at the craft table. She had a wild temper though and would try to break down doors in a fit of rage. As a baby she would scream for hours and then fall asleep exhausted. She drove me mad as a toddler but you wouldn't know it now she is an angel. Although with kids her own age she was a bit of a bully, always hurting and pushing etc. Actually she always has had issues with kids her own age.
She looks after injured and orphaned wildlife with me and is a natural at it. She always cries when one dies or is released and she has to say goodbye. She is very affectionate as well so I just don''t know.........

I've read that anxiety and aspergers are often co-morbid and we certainly see huge anxiety issues with our son (although he does not have an aspergers or spectrum diagnosis at this time). My son has social issues - he can't read the cues, he often misinterprets the actions of others, last year we had a lot of silliness in the locker room when changing into gym strip (teacher said "naughty!" we said, he can't stand being undressed in front of anyone but our opinion didn't count). He has had anxiety since the beginning though. Social skills have always been an issue, now at age 8.5 he is becoming more rigid in his refusal to go to school. Lots of issues with "friends" right now. He only has one and I think the others are ganging up. So is it social anxiety? or spectrum? We have done the cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety to no avail, he can't quite grasp the concept. Working on the social skills seems somewhat more effective, however it is going to take awhile. At home we use social stories, cartoons that I create using his special interest in "mario bros", and written out rules that he signs and I sign. Anything concrete that he can relate to seems to work. The school is finally back on board with teaching the social skills again.

Ultimately it doesn't so much matter what the cause is, what matters more is finding strategies that work, and sometimes that means some trial and error and lots of hugs and support.

Social anxiety can actually be a result of having aspergers. Having bad social skills and knowing about it can give someone social anxiety. When I'm with a group of people I'm always nervous because I'm always scared I'm gonna do or say something socially not acceptable and it makes social interaction even more stressfull.
The problem your daughter seems to have with tying her shoelaces and brushing her teeth may be a sign of dyspraxia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspraxia

Thank you for the link Kiran. I think you may be onto something. I remember that as a baby she never crawled. She rolled around until she got where she wanted to be. She started walking at 14 months. She has trouble using a knife, brushing her teeth, cannot tie her shoelaces, her handwriting is messy etc etc. Watching her at gymnastics was hilarious because she was so uncorordinated....(I know, but she never saw me laugh, I promise).

Hello! I'm kinda new so I'm not an expert or anything. My daughter is also 10 and we are in the process of getting her screened for aspergers which really fits her behavior and quirkiness.

From what you said I think its a lack of skills. Maybe giving her some basic ideas like asking them questions about themselves, or complimenting someone, etc Some specific things she could say that would be sort of ice breakers. Have her practice with you. That way maybe when she sees the group she will know what to say. She may or may not be 'anxious' .. she may just not have any good ideas of what to say to start a conversation.

My 7 yr old son was just diagnosed with Aspergers, but before we got to see a therapist his pediatrician said it was just anxiety disorder. We thought it had to be more than that based on some of the other ticks and what not that he was doing that didn't line up with just Anxiety. We took him to a therapist and he said it was Aspergers, but that he probably had some social anxiety mixed in there and that the two could coexist. Two other opinions later, and that seems to be the feeling - Aspegers with Anxiety. He has trouble with making friends, reads all the time, always thinks the other kids don't like him, and has major meltdowns if the routines at school are changed at all.

My 9 year old brother was diagonosed around the age of 2 or 3 with Asperger's. He has never liked going to school or anything involving a lot of people. He would always complain about it and we could tell he was upset. Just recently our other brother found him in the kitchen hysterical holding a knife to his throat saying he could not live like this anymore. (people thinking he is weird and gross, no friends, etc) I NEED HELP. Is this a common thing? I know of another family in our area who have experienced the same thing but their son was in high school. I can imagine the situation is only going to get worse for him. Please give me any suggestions or advice on how to handle this situation. I feel really helpless right now and it makes me uncomfortable.

2 or 3 sounds really young to get an aspergers diagnosis. Obviously his impairment is quite profound to be noticed at such a young age. Maybe a second opinion is needed. From what I have learned it is not usually diagnosed until school age. Are your parents actively concerned for him? He may do well at a special school because you are right when you say it is going to get worse. Highschool is a battlefield! I wish him well.

HI, your daughter does sound enough aspie to me to want a diagnoses. I've heard that services in Queensland are fairly good.

My aspie (now 12) also has an adhd diagnoses, not sure if this made any difference as to what he was like when he was younger.

When he was much younger than now he used to be in kids faces, they were used as tools for his play, he only ever played the way he wanted to play, he actually scared a lot of kids, he was rough and demanding. I to would find him climbing in strangers laps or hugging people in the street. He is far more reserved now, he gets obsessed with some people and will annoy them no end, others he wont give the time of day, he wont even acknowledge that they have spoken to him.

We dragged my poor son around to all manner of therapists, social workers and psychologists...it wasn't until we went to a center specializing in pediatric development (a group under a pediatric neurologist and a pediatric psychologist, but offering all kinds of other support staff and services) that they diagnosed him accurately with Asperger's. The clinical diagnosis (which was many hours over several days) came with a consultation afterwards where they noted point for point where my son fit each criterion (of the ones he fit, of course he didn't fit them all,) what particular issues were of concern, and what specific behaviors indicated how he fit the criteria. I left with a feeling of confidence, and the therapies they offered us have made a world of difference.

My son had many of the signs, but has so many assets that they are often hard to see, unless you know what you are looking for. We had any number of diagnoses, including a mood disorder, a "phase" (whatever the hell that means) and a lot of people looking very hard at our parenting as the cause of the problem. Our school gave him a correct diagnosis, but they didn't connect the diagnosis to his needs or behaviors and didn't offer us support beyond some simple accommodations (though now they are, with the help of the clinical diagnosis.)

All that is to say, if you're looking for answers, make sure you go somewhere where they're asking the right questions: I am fairly confident that if my son were not on the spectrum, they would have figured out the issue, or referred us elsewhere. I think you are right to explore your options - even if it turns out to be social anxiety and not something else, there are resources out there to help you figure out a strategy to help your daughter.

I could be wrong about the age but I don't think so. I was also younger and can remember him becoming a different person almost. I'll defenintly check into that though. As for his parents, his dad really seems to try and ignore it or make other excuses and my mom realizes the importance but she kind of gets stuck being sad. I have always been the go-getter in the family so I'm just trying to figure out how I can make his life a little easier. Thank you for your suggestion!