Tone of Voice

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My son whom is 12yrs old and is going through alot of changes, the one the seems to stick out the most is his voice he always seems to be shouting and will only lower his voice when asked, at times he doesnt seem to realise he is shouting and sounds very aggressive.

I am not sure if this is because his voice is breaking or its just part of AS, I feel if he doesnt realise it, and that he will draw unwanted attention to himself. I have to on many occassion pointed it out especially when we are out shopping at home or in most situations.

What can I do to help him with this or is it just puberty.

Maybe he's hard of hearing.
I mean seriously- have his hearing checked.

My 12 year old does exactly the same thing, it drives his older brother nuts.
I over heard my older son telling my younger son just the other day, "J why are you always shouting, your giving me a head ache". J's response was "I get excited when I talk and sometimes people don't listen so I have to talk louder, I usually don't even know I'm doing it".

Then I could see that J was trying really hard not to cry because he doesn't do criticism very well at all and he thought his brother was mad at him. Did it stop the loud voice? No.! !!

I know I didn't help, but just thought I'd share with you, as we are going threw the same thing. I don't think it's really an age thing though because J has always done this.

I have started to think that with mine it is actually kind of an oral stimulation thing. His is a liitle different, he currently is talking in a growly voice most of the time now (which makes him sound like he is mad when he's not) but has gone through times of talking with a kind of lisp or rolling his r's all the time just generally experimenting with how he can make his voice sound. If that is the case for your son perhaps more oral stimulation would help like chewing gum or drinking thick liquids through a straw.

Otherwise, I would work on reminding him that he scares other people and makes them feel he is mad at them. He probably really doesn't realize the effect it is having on other people and he probably really doesn't want people to think he is angry.

have

We had is hearing check all ok his sister whom is older has had grommets fitted she has not been diagnosis with AS. We also had his eyes check all ok I am not sure where do i go to have his voice checked. Any suggestion!

I'm just resolved on having to remind my kidling about inside voices just a bit longer... She's only 9 but yeah. Can be VERY loud.

I just don't undersand how a kid can be THAT loud when they have hearing sensitivities themselves. Very curious...

Hi draelynn

I understand u facing the same issues, if I could resovle things we wouldnt be talking. good luck I have tried it all I mean the test. take care hope it all happens for you.

This!! ! (bolded part) One of aspies' biggest problems in society is simply being heard. More of often than not, when as aspie talks, other people simply talk over him, conveniently or deliberately ignoring the fact that he's speaking. So what's an aspie to do? You tell me. And apparently, your son found the only solution he could manageably come up with. Is it good? Again, you tell me. But in your son's mind, does he really have any other alternative?

I make a great effort to always listen to my son sometimes only because he gets quite upset if I don't. I try to get him to afford the rest of the family the same courtesy but we're still working on that. I do think that helps him control himself when he feels that were are listening to him.

I have always had the problem with speaking too loud...especially when Im excited or in a public place. My 18 year old Aspie has the same problem and we were always embarrassing my 21 year old NT daughter when we were out in public because we would be discussing otherwise private things without realizing how loud we were. My 21 year old was always shushing us .

Also I have been accused of yelling at people because when I get upset I do yell but Im not yelling AT someone Im just upset so it comes out that way.

[This!! ! (bolded part) One of aspies' biggest problems in society is simply being heard. More of often than not, when as aspie talks, other people simply talk over him, conveniently or deliberately ignoring the fact that he's speaking. So what's an aspie to do? You tell me. And apparently, your son found the only solution he could manageably come up with. Is it good? Again, you tell me. But in your son's mind, does he really have any other alternative?[/quote]

I can identify with the above, I get very stress when shopping the way I cope is by zoning out, if my son wants my attention he shouts, this I can understand and maybe need to work on it. We can be taking the food out of the trolley and having an engaging conversation and he just so loud and this causes others to stare. This upsets him and wants to know what there prob is. As he is getting older I do want him to get into situations that can be dangerous he can sound quiet abrupt and rude at times but doesnt mean to.

He also talks, talks, I try to engage but its tiring and I do just switch off. Again we can try and work on these issue. I could be doing something that needs my whole focus or I could hurt myself he just talks talks and then gets upset because I cant engage with him. I try and get him to understand that we cant talk at present he just doesnt get it. And then this can lead to a meltdown!!

My boys speak VERY LOUDLY much of the time too, and then sometimes, one son in particular speaks way too quietly to be comfortably heard by the person he is conversing with.
It seems to be an issue of not being able to modulate their voices. They aren't aware of when they're being really loud, or too quiet, beyond actually shouting or whispering they can't differentiate the middle ground. I just keep reminding them, as patiently as I can. Not sure how to work on it otherwise, when they just can't tell if their volume is set at the appropriate level they can't change it without prompting from someone else. DH thought maybe getting a decibel reader for them to experiment with would help them start connecting to how loud or quiet they're being? Haven't tried it yet though.

This does sometimes happen to me too, especially when I am talking about something I am keenly interested in my voice gets louder without me really noticing. I eventually notice the other person cringing and backing away.

Note: they are extremely sensitive to the volume of other people's voices. I get accused of shouting if I raise my voice even slightly.

When you are busy, be sure not to talk to him either, other than to say, "I'm busy at the moment, I can't listen, wait." Aspies don't make small talk; if you respond as if it's small talk without really listening and understanding what he's saying, that's when the frustration will set in for him.

I'm 51 and I still raise my voice without thinking about it when the other person isn't listening. The only way for me to avoid this is to end the conversation completely, which can seem equally rude.

I am like this as well. My mom often tells me to lower my voice because I am too loud but I don't hear its loud. I still do it and its hard to lower because my mind doesn't recognize the same pitch others hear when I talk. So to answer your OP, yes, its very likely this is an AS thing. It is something that his hard for him to control because he doesn't hear the same pitch when he talks as you do. I've never been able to control my voice and sometimes the only way I know is when I get constant sore throats and laryngitis. >_____<