At least one parent on the spectrum-What are the chances...

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What are the chances that ALL three of your children will be as well??

I have AS. I was just officially diagnosed, and I saw much of what I was like as a kid in my oldest daughter. She was "just like me" except she doesn't care what other kids think of her and therefore has some friends as opposed to no friends like me at times. Today, it was made official. She also has AS. I didn't stop at the school. I didn't stop at the counselor. Even the psychiatrist and his assistant said they felt she had it... but nooooo. I have to go to number 5 and get her opinion. She is the expert though and the first person (the school psychologist) recommended that she be seen by this lady. I was told that if I took her to 10 psychologists, all 10 would say she has it. I am not in denial. Far from it. I am just trying to make sure this is really what it is (I am in court to regain custody of my kids, and my ex is saying that I am trying to diagnose them with things - not true, but annoying).

Anyway, my other two children are also showing some of the signs. I am very hesitant to say that they also have this, but it is really bugging me. I have not been able to observe their behavior for extended periods of time for a long time, and now that I have gained custody of their sister and have been spending substantially more time with them, I am seeing "things." (I did see them before, but since I was the parent with visitation, I would only see them for 48 hours at the longest.)

I cannot do anything about the other two until I am granted custody, but in the mean time, I am just being bothered by what I am seeing. The kids think that something is wrong with them. I am always telling my middle girl that she is normal. My youngest really needs to learn anger management skills - she has hurt her sisters before.

For example:
Daughter #2 (11 years old):
* Says she is having problems with her friends. She says they don't like her. Although she does have two very close friends and two others that are not as close, but she still mentions them a lot. She goes over to their houses a lot. The catch? She never invites herself or them. They always ask to come over here or for her to go to their place.
* Really into sea life. To the point that she will refuse to eat anything aquatic. She won't even take fish oil pills. She loves dolphins and everything (well, most of it) in her life is about them - and weather. That has been a longer term interest and she has more knowledge about it.
* I almost always see her isolated, unless she is around her sisters (she not only has her two sisters, but two step sisters as well).
* Gifted at social studies. I wish I was like her when I was in school.
* Very emotionally sensitive. I once stared at her and she broke down into tears. She also feeds off of my older daughter if she is in the midst of a melt down.
* Will not eat certain foods. They feel/taste nasty.
* Is very frightened of common objects at times. Doesn't know why and makes her very upset. Yesterday, we went on a walk and she had to cross a large pipe that was exposed in the ground (very safe - had obviously been there for a while and was part of a well established trail). She almost had a panic attack over it. We ended up turning around and going home. Again, tears.
* In addition to above, she was also scared of sand, water (in lakes, not bath tubs), snow, asphalt, grass, etc when she was very little.
* Used to be a toe walker (therapy helped that, but she sometimes goes back to it)
* Noises and lights make her cry (they hurt)
* She sees double, but nothing is wrong with her eyes (tried arguing that one with the doc).
* Reversed numbers and letters (and words) at times.
* HAS to be the last one hugged at night. If I hug one of her other sisters afterwards, she calls me in and I have to hug her too. She will be very upset if I do not.
* Speech problems (Rs THs and maybe Ws??) She has been in speech for years.
* Very strange pencil grip that could not be corrected
* Teachers cannot teach math to her (Don't know how significant that is, but I can show her what she doesn't get. She is GOOD at math, but because of her school experiences, she thinks she is bad).
* Migraines galore
* Every year for her birthday, she tells me I have to buy her a certain brand of angel. She still owns every one I have ever bought her. I believe she was either two or three when I started. They are all in one spot in her room.
* Can't always understand people's speech. Gets very frustrated. Cries.
* I (and other people) can't always understand HER speech. She gets frustrated, gives up and cries.
* UBER perfectionist.
* Very advanced in motor skills as a baby. When she was one month old, she would reach for an object intentionally and with determination.
* Very very very fussy baby. Cried all the time. It seemed to me to be because she wanted to do things her body would not let her - like walk or crawl. Because of this, she did many of these things early.
* Vacant stare many times
* Sometimes does not show emotion when one would expect it - unless it is tears.
* Difficulty with controlling voice volume. - Sometimes she is loud and other times she can hardly be heard - eveen when I tell her she does not have to whisper, she does.
* Has attachment to articular "hair pieces."
* Overly stubborn
* Many others.
(Psychologist today suggested that she get a Neuropsych eval)

Daughter #3 (8 years old):
* Suggested that she may have ADHD by her teacher this year
* Very active - goes from the moment she is up till the moment her head hits the pillow.
* Yesterday, went running (non stop) around the yard for 5 minutes holding a jar trying to scoop fireflies.
* Unorganized
* Spacy
* Difficulty paying attention
* Bursts of anger - almost a rage, but unlike her oldest sister, I can calm her down in a shorter period of time and with greater ease.
* Hits
* Yells at people at an offense taken at something that no one else would take offense at - thinks she is always being teased.
* Hates being told she said something she did not.
* Hates being wrong
* Hates brushing hair (not tangely, just looks unkempt - she just doesn't want to bother.)
* Does not care what she puts on to wear (has worn sun dresses in winter), BUT she will not let me choose for her.
* Short attention span
* Spontaneous - without thinking
* Hand flaps
* Sometimes does endless spinning
* Rocks (on hands and knees - comfort, it seems)
* HUGE oral fixation - She is always placing her mouth on me or other people. Sometimes this is inappropriate. Can't get her to stop. She would still be using a pacifier if I would let her.
* Will play on one particular toy for an extended amount of time. - One day, I video taped her and her sisters playing at a play ground. She was on this toy where she stepped back and forth between three platforms. During the 50 minutes we were there, she spent probably 85% going back and forth, except for when this little child showed up to play on it (and if her sisters were interacting with her, but she still stayed at the station). At that point in time, the two older girls left and went to another station (they had been sandwiching their sister on the middle platform). Daughter 3 stayed until the kid actually was at the station. She walked over to me, mumbled something about not wanting to be there and went over with her sisters. She watched the first station until the boy left and immediately went back to it and started up again. I have a 9 minute clip here http://youtu.be/TfMgpamBM9E . The going away and back part starts at about 5 minutes if you don't want to watch the whole thing (not that you have to watch any of it)
* Obsessed with Zelda and "triforces" - She is seeing triforces in everything, she says.
* Wants to still sleep with me and when I say no, she nags about it - every night.
* Doesn't know personal space
* Doesn't know when to stop - also will keep doing something if she thinks it is getting her attention - to the point where people become angry with her for doing it.
* Is friendly with all the kids in her class, and says she has one friend, but she never goes to this friends house, and this friend never comes over. She wants to be alone.
* No volume control to her voice. Typically way too loud.
* Sensitive to loud sounds - make her scared or cry or both.
* Has mini-meltdowns (in comparison to her oldest sister)
* Talks about the most dull things non stop.
* When she does talk, half the time, she does not finish her sentences.
* Stubborn
* and more for her as well.


Am I nuts, or is there something to what I am thinking? Is it possible for at least one parent to be on the spectrum and have ALL their kids (girls, none the less) on it as well?

Last edited by GreatSphinx on 28 Jun 2011, 5:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well...I have five kids and I was diagnosed with Asperger's right after my youngest (just turned 6 was dx right before age 3) was diagnosed with Classic Autism. Then my son (will be 9 the beginning of the month was 6 at dx) was diagnosed shortly after with Asperger's. Then my now 19 year old was also diagnosed. I have one daughter who is 21 who has some sensory issues and auditory processing but very social and more NT than Aspie. I have a 24 year old son who had early onset Bi Polar disorder (was diagnosed at 8 with ADHD and then re diagnosed bi polar at age 12 but our psychiatrist says it is possible he developed it right before age 2 as that is when the problems started). They also think he has Autistic traits, was a strangely quiet baby and did not want to be held would squirm even when he was a newborn. The only time I could hold him was when I was breast feeding him. He never played with toys and was obsessed with taking things apart. I could not leave the house as he was completely unmanagable and even with a harness and leash would drag me around the stores and pull everything off the shelves. My first three are from my first marriage and my X is undiagnosed but obviously Bi Polar....there is also diagnosed early onset Bi Polar in his family. His niece has two boys with it, poor girl!
My current husband is undiagnosed aspie, he is a very successful scientist but he has many aspie traits. No reason to diagnose him as he is successful and has very few issues. My son is the male version of me and my daughter although classic autism (now high functioning) is a lot like my husband in the way she thinks.

You kids sound like they have strong traits of Aspergers. I would have them evaluated after you get things worked out with the Dad.

yes, its possible. i doubt anyone can give you accurate odds on it, tho. having one child on the spectrum increases the odds to about 5-10% of having another child on the spectrum, and thats not even taking into account a parent being on the spectrum. the odds of such things just really arent well documented.

i am not on the spectrum, neither is my ex husband, but our son is diagnosed aspie.
then i had two more sons with my autistic SO, one is autistic and one is pretty much NT, we think.

so my personal odds are running 100% if no parents autistic, and 50% if one parent autistic =)

My brother who has AS has the NT child.

I who am NT have the AS child.

It's basically a roll of the dice.