Negative reaction to DX

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I am the NT father of a 16 year old AS son. When we recieved his dx a year ago we shared this will the school's pyschologist to allow him to recieve special accomodations if necessary. My son complained about seemingly patronizing behaviour by the school's professionals apparently beginning after the school first knew about the dx. I would not feel comfortable going into the specifics but he percieves it as "treating him like he is stupid." He is a fully functional and bright child with only minor adjustment, social, sensory issues and tics in the form of odd expressions, and can take care of himself. I feel guilty about giving the school notice because the dx itself and not the actual functionality and capabilities of the child seems to have determined the treatment and response. I would love the opinions of other parents reguarding responses to disclosure of dx to others particularly schools.

I feel that sometimes treatments are not holistic as the quirks and eccentricities of a child with a dx can be seen as "because of AS" or as a symptom ect, where as these same quirks in a NT (like my 12 year old daughter for example) would be seem as just a normal part of personality. For example most men and boys like cars and sports very much, but if a person with a dx has the same interests this can be seen as a obsession. Sometimes a dx can lead to a response that does not treat the child in a way condusive to growth because preconcieved notions about AS and the dx can lead some to respond in a way that ignores a holistic and subjective view of the child's functionality and personality. ie. treatment and behaviour of school before and after dx is different though my son has not changed and is functional. I have come to believe that a formal acessment of any disorder not just AS can result in simmilar results.

I have recently discovered this forum and look forward to sharing my familly's journey and struggles, and learning from one another's experiences. Now I just have to master the abbreviations!

I would speak to the administration about the need to have your son treated like he is capable so that he won't fall into a trap of not trying something because he is treated like he can't do it. They should understand that desire. Are there any accommodations that need to be made for your son? I would have those put into a 504, or if needed, an IEP (google the terms if you're unfamiliar) and have it put into the plan that you wanted him to be treated as capable and not single him out as different.

Schools can be difficult. My younger son, who will turn 4 in October, was recently diagnosed by a child psychiatrist with OCD and probably has AS, too. However, I am going to avoid getting an official diagnosis through the school and avoid seeking services for him through the school. (A child with a qualifying condition may be eligible for preschool services starting at age 3).

My older son, has classic autism but is high-functioning, and his elementary school doesn't know how to provide meaningful help for him. It is an ordeal to get anything done through the school, and last year, the special ed teacher assigned to provide him assistance as needed did not even know what ABA was.

I have had much more luck working with my older son at home and paying for private services. Therefore, I am not going to bring any diagnosis for my younger son to the attention of the school, if possible. He will be worked with at home and get private help, too.

We live in Austin, Texas.

The physical parallel of this is a person treating someone with a physical disability as if they would break to pieces at the slightest touch and decide for them what they can and can't do.

People seem to have a hard time finding the right perception to have of such things. They make assumptions based on extremes, or stereotypes, or assumptions that are frequently just false.

For example, people with Williams Syndrome are known to have a greater affinity for music than the general population. But it would be wrong for me to assume that a person with Williams Syndrome always wants to listen to music, or likes learning how to read music, or is extremely passionate about singing.

If your son feels he is being patronized, he needs to let the other person know. The most effective way to handle these situations, I've found is to deviate slightly from the civil course of things. In other words, he is free to respond in a slightly sarcastic tone, or in a somewhat direct, firm manner which may have a hint of rudeness but not overtly so.

For example, he can say "Yes, I know how to x. I'm not stupid"

This will usually cause people to instantly back off and rethink his boundaries and abilities.

I would definitely address with the school, and the individuals who are responsible if possible. It can be a quiet, friendly conversation about a concern... most likely these people do ont even realize they are being patroning. They, most likely feel they are being 'sensitive' or 'understanding'. I'd thank them for their cocern but point out that your son has very clearly noticed the change in their behavior towards him and that it is affecting his self esteem. Correct any misconceptions they may have about his dx and just tell them to treat him like any other kid. If your son is capable of going to them for help when he needs it - they should know that and basically leave him be unless he asks. Treat him like any other kid because - he is.

If they give you any push back or attitude - maybe we can come up with another approach...

Well meaning but misguided people come with the territory. I consider it THEIR disability. I try to work around it with humor. I had one school administrator speak to my daughter in that soft sing songy voice - like you would a frightened puppy - and I responded with the same voice to her question. She looked at me funny. I asked her why were were talking like that. My daughter laughed and mimicked it. The admin got the idea... The misconception that AS kids are totally incapable of recognizing that sort of change in tone or attitude is just wrong in lots of cases especially the older they get. They do learn it. Most 'teachers' don't know that. Consider it your opportunity to teach.

We had really good experiences, overall, with the way the elementary school and middle school handled my son, but I'm more skeptical about High School, which he starts next year. How well people understand AS and what they are willing to do for an AS child varies widely, and a lot seems to be luck of the draw. With a good IEP team, you tell all. With a less stellar one, you have to be more careful.

If you don't mind, why would you prefer to avoid services through the school? Do you feel the downsides outweigh the benefits? I will politely bring up the issue with the school, look into the IEP, and talk to my son about the proper way to respond. I am concerned that my son will become disillusioned with people and mistrustful which could lead to paranoia. I hope people will begin to see those will disorders more appropiately because I can imagine the long term damage such negative treatment can do to someone's self esteem and self faith. Thanks for the quick and informative replies.

DW_a_mom the highschool transition can be difficult and stressful for even NT kids. Perhaps you guys could do something outside of school to lessen anxiety? When my son was transitioning I assured him that he was a wonderful person and that as long as he was doing things right and appropiately (even if it was in his own way) it didn't really matter how others felt. Reviewing the school year routine and talking to him about things like what he would eat for lunch and wear for gym clothing helped calm him.

I definitely accept the services offered by the school for my older son with classic autism, who will start the second grade next year. However, I have to work with him extensively at home in order for him to reach his maximum potential. I do have some skills, particularly in reading and speech, and I taught him to speak and read myself. The kids his age at his school with classic autism who do not receive outside help are all doing poorly--not talking, wearing diapers, that sort of thing.

My younger son with OCD and probably a little AS will start kindergarten in 2013. I would have to struggle in order to get him into the school-funded preschool program because they try to limit it to low functioning students for budget reasons. He would not fit in and would have the same teacher my older son had for one semester, who, in my opinion, should be either babysitting or working as an aid under the supervision of someone else.

http://www.texastribune.org/texas-educa ... in-autism/

I should also say that Texas, where I live, is being overrun with cases of autism at the same time that the state budget for services is being cut. This has been a disaster for people using public services.

My older son's picture is in the article above, which came out a year ago, about the the 400% spike of autism cases in Texas at the same time that lawmakers faced a budget crunch.

This article was linked to a video interview with the kids and me. (If you bother to look at that, beware that I was very sleepy during the interview--my younger son had been unable to sleep the previous night.)

Sorry, in my attempt to be brief, I wasn't clear. I am concerned about high school because we've already met with the special education department and I am not comfortable with the approach they want to take. We've agreed to try it their way for the first month, but I've told them we will chuck it if my son's grades suffer. I hate being in that position because a dramatic schedule change, if needed, will be horrible for my son, he hates change, but he is aware that could happen and is trying to be OK with it.

Just point being it really all does depend on who you have and how they see things.