frustrated with another uneducated professional

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*sigh*

i am finding it utterly frustrating and demoralizing trying to deal with any "professionals". i am so tired of aspects of my family's life being decided by people who should but dont know anything about autism.

most recently, my SO was sent to an independent evaluator because he filed for disability. i let the ssa know in advance he would not go without me, and still we had to push to get them to allow me to accompany him. he has severe social anxiety, and suffers a bit from selective mutism and barely speaks with people in situations like this.

my first clue that this may not go well was when the evaluator was staring at my SO for a full minute as soon as we sat down, which triggered a mini meltdown and my SO getting angry and asking him twice very vehemently to stop looking at him.

then after a while he asked me, "how do you feel being in a relationship with someone who doesnt show affection?"

cue eye roll.

he did say my SO was definitely autistic, but he thought it was asperger's. the evaluator said that since my SO was obviously intelligent, he couldnt be classic autism. i refuted that as my SO very clearly fits the criteria for classic, and definitely has issues with self care which means he cant be as, and the criteria for classic do not require a cognitive delay. the evaluator argued that self care isnt in the criteria for as, and that cognitive delay must be present for classic. then he pulled out his diagnostic booklet to show us. he ended up admitting he was wrong about the cognitive delay, but still claims self care isnt in the as criteria (it is, the lack of cognitive delay and the lack of self care deficit is in the same section for as).

yet another professional who will be making a very important decision that has significant impact on my family, and he doesnt even know the diagnositic criteria.

I've been there too, many times. Not just with my children but also with my mom (she suffered from a wide range of mental and physical ailments). On many occasions, I was quite disturbed by being the only 'expert' in the room. You get to the point where you go in prepared to educate the educators.

I'd like to think that it's just because our own extensive knowledge as parents (family members, etc.) enables us to see things more fully whereas a professional gets a 10 minute meeting and has to make an assessment. But I don't know. There really does seem to be a discouraging amount of ignorance in these areas. There are a handful of good ones out there, but it takes some searching and we don't always have a choice.

Sounds like he would rather counsel you on Cassandra syndrome than understand your husband. Or worse, what if he's one of those pyschs who thinks that finding someone to be with is a sure sign of NOT being AS? Sorry to hear that. Very frustrating.

I think when evaluating adults, some docs will slap the AS label on anyone who is intelligent and can speak.

Unless that person is a woman. Then they just get buckets of skepticism.

I recount an analogous scene from Annie the movie:

Mr. Warbucks: What's this?
Grace: This is Annie sir. The orphan who will be staying with us for a week.
Mr. Warbucks: Orphan? What are ya talkin' about?
Grace: Well, uh, they wanted to take photographs of you sharing your home sir, with an orphan. Don't you remember sir? It's only for a week.
Mr. Warbucks: This doesn't look like a boy. Orphans are boys!