Mother, Guilt, Reading

Post Reply New Topic

My younger brother is a twelve-year-old Aspie, and has just started the seventh grade. It's crazy to think of him as a seventh grader now, when I've just recently uncovered a boxload of photos of his first Christmas, fifth birthday, first day of kindergarten, etc.

Anyhow, weeks ago I realized how imperative it is that he develops some sort of interest in reading (besides comic books) and so I had him pick out a book to read. [Note: he DOES have a collection of books, but he has read them all and thinks they are too childish] I told him "It's important to read, Bud. You can pick out any book you like and read whenever you want to." And so he did. He picked out a Transformers novel. I was intimidated by this choice; I had never seen him reading a book that was more than four or five chapters long, and this was clearly intended for an older audience. I took him to the young adult and children's sections, but he was adamant about reading THIS Transformers novel.

I wasn't about to tell him "You can't read that," especially since he was really interested in trying. We bought the book and he started reading in the car on the way home.

Now, I didn't think of the book again until tonight, when I overheard our mother interrogating (yes, I mean to use that term) Bud on his homework and what his book report was going to be about. And of course he doesn't respond to her satisfaction - swiftly, clearly, whatever - so of course she becomes frustrated and angry with him. She demanded to know "WHAT ARE YOU READING" and he showed her the Transformers book. At this point she demands a summary of it, and I hate to paint my mother in this kind of light but it's honest and truthful to say that she made a point to tell him he doesn't understand the book he picked out.

Now I feel bad, like I should have known better than to let him pick out the book. To be honest I was just thrilled to see him take an interest in a book at all. But I can't control him, and I give him kudos for taking a shot at something new. We will try this book again later, of course, when he has developed his reading skills. But for now there are a few things I need advice with...

1. Mother. What the heck? She makes a big deal about being his advocate and making sure he is given a chance as an Asperger's child, but I feel like she treats him like he's an idiot and doesn't give him a chance to express himself. She has no patience and is quick to correct everyone. I am afraid to mention anything, because what can I say? How can I help her improve? Would I be overstepping boundaries?

2. Guilt. I feel as though I put Bud in this position. I'm sure he feels pretty guilty right now too, in fact I bet he feels ten times worse than I do. How do I help him get past this? He's entering into puberty and I'm certain that if he begins to harbor some sort of guilt or self-loathing he's going to have one hell of a time when the physical changes take place overnight.

3. READING SUGGESTIONS. The kid needs to read! But what? Calvin and Hobbes is great but isn't appropriate for school book reports. He goes to the school library a few times a week but is not allowed to take any of that material home. I don't feel comfortable with him playing computer games at home *all* the time. What are some good books for Aspie boys in his age group?

I fail to see what the big deal is, but I was forced to read The Hobbit at age 10 so I guess my situation is a bit off. It's just a book; you can't force him to read something that he isn't interested in. I don't know, I'd suggest the Warriors series, because it's easy to read and a long series you can really get into, but it's about cats and whatnot and I don't know what he like.

Why don't you ask HIM what he's interested in reading? Like you said, he's not an idiot, I'm sure he can pick something up.

By the way, I happened upon Superman vs Doomsday: The Novel when I was 6. Sure I didn't get the plot right away, but that didn't mean I didn't like reading about action.

If you force it on him, he's gonna hate reading. If you le him learn to love it, well there you go.

For reading suggestions, the Australian authors Andy Griffiths - humour - and Paul Jennings - spooky stories are quite good for kids that age. Our son who is a terrible reader did enjoy Andy Griffiths - http://www.andygriffiths.com.au/books.htm - and I would thoroughly recommend him if your brother has a sense of humour.

As regards your mom, maybe you could point her towards this website. As an NT dad I can fully understand her perspective, but she needs to be made gently aware that it is not really an appropriate approach for an aspergers child.

I honestly think you could do a book report on Calvin and Hobbes somehow. Not a traditional one obviously. But it has as much content as any other good book. [I was a Calvin and Hobbes fanatic and had ALL the compilation books.]

Anyway yeah Sideways Stories from Wayside School and Wayside School is Falling Down by Louis Sachar might appeal to him. Also The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster and pretty much any Roald Dahl book.

Oh and graphic novels. Obviously you'd have to pick one that doesn't have inappropriate content but he might like Chris Ware (I don't know what's what with his, only read excerpts but they're good). Or Maira Kalman, her books are full of pictures but also writing.

Actually, we did the same thing you did with our son, and he was so motivated, he learned to read (we won't let him watch most of those shows, he scripts off them at inappropriate times - but for some reason not when he reads the book version.) All the trademarked characters have books at different reading levels: if he liked Transformers, give a call to your local public library's kid librarian and ask her to help you find something similar in a more appropriate reading level but with the same content. You probably want to find something that has pictures on every page, but at least a paragraph of writing - and stick to his special interests at first.

I don't know your Mom - but I am guessing she is tired and frazzled and at the end of her rope, like many of us are: it's a lot more difficult to manage a household than it appears, especially when one or more kid has AS. I'm not saying she reacted in the best way, but I can see how it might happen, even to me. I don't know that you can help, but you can let her know that you're aware she's under stress, that you love her, and maybe point her in the direction of some local resources like a meetup group for parents, or respite care.

Wow, thank you for all the responses and book suggestions!

I tend to have a difficult time motivating Bud to read for fun because I don't have any hand-me-down books to just hand to him that he'd be interested in. Babysitters Club? Nancy Drew? Ramona? Not so much his cup of tea.

My boyfriend suggested the Animorphs series, Goosebumps, and the Redwall Adventures. My older brother read those, so hopefully he kept a few of those books after he moved out.

I understand my mother is frazzled and stressed. We have been having an "off" year, and I guess my original post was partly a rant that was perhaps a bit misdirected. Things will turn around for us the further we get into the school year, I just know it!

Middle

It's great that you are encouraging him to read. I think getting boys hooked on reading is all about content they like and can relate to so even though that particular Transformers book may have been a bit beyond his reading level, the fact that he WANTED to read it is really all that matters. Someone above mentioned the Warriors series, my 8 yo NT son loves those! Though he is younger he is quite an advanced reader so they might be right for your brother. And while Nancy Drew may not be your brother's cup o' tea, her good buddies the Hardy Boys might be. They have both of those series as graphic novels, we check them out from our local library.

If it seems right to you and you haven't already done so, you might want to let your mom know that you were there when brother picked out the Transformers book. Might lessen everyone's bad feelings a bit. On the other hand maybe its all water under the bridge by now and you could just let it go.

I think it is important to recognize that you are NOT responsible for teaching him. Of course you want to, and it is great. However, that is a LOT of pressure for YOU! No matter how frazzled your mom may be, you need to sit down and tell her how you feel about all of this. You deserve to have your own time to be young and stuff. It doesn't seem fair for you to have that weight on your shoulders.