Absent Parenting

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My parents were not available emotionally father was alcoholic and mom was not talking with us at all.
they were constantly fighting between each other and were voilent and abusive

Overall i felt unloved, uncared....even a little bit of attention given by anyone outside made me chase them.

How do i end my craving for love.............i crave to have someone to talk with me, love me, care for me...
i want to get over this craving what is the solution?

I know how you feel and wish I could give an answer to you. I still struggle with it. I got pushed farther outside of the the family as the years when on. They kept putting me farther away in the houses we lived in and gave all their attention to my sister. I am only now beginning to build a relationship with them. After I moved out it took years before I could really talk to them and it is still incredibly hard to be around them or talk to them for long periods of time. The one thing that does help me though is my fiance who is a aspie as well. I wish you luck.

I'm sad for you.
All I can suggest is that if you truly want a relationship with (or decent memories of) people who have hurt you, you will have to find a way to deal with the disappointment, frustration, resentment, anger, sorrow and every other emotion they have caused you. You don't exactly have to forgive and forget, but you have to find a way to keep it from being an obstacle in your relationship or in your memories of them.
Please note that I said "if": sometimes the relationship is not worth the great efforts you will have to make. You cannot be guaranteed the relationship or the memories will ever be what you need it to be, and you certainly can't be guaranteed they will show good will and make efforts themselves (apologize, seek reconciliation, etc.)
On the other hand, you can learn to fill the empty space they've left inside you with good feelings about yourself and others who care for you. And I've found that giving people I don't know well the benefit of the doubt (assuming they think kindly of me) makes me feel better even if I'm not close to them.
Good luck,
J.

thank you.........you are right i need to fill the empty space with good memories of loving myself.
though its hard but not difficult...
i should learn to have self love first

Are you getting counseling? Counseling can help with this, though it's a long, hard process.

I would highly suggest you check out an Al-Anon meeting or 2 (or better yet 6 before you decide if its for you). Having an alcoholic parent leaves scars that are shared by pretty much everyone who has grown up in such a household. Recovery is still a long hard process but at Al-Anon you certainly won't get the reaction you described that you have gotten from counselors. You will meet people who have had similar experiences and who will do their very best to support you. In Al-Anon you will be offered tools that can help you, among other things, learn to love yourself.

I agree with Bombaloo, but I might look specifically into Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. You will be amazed at the similarities.

there are no such groups here in india...
only govt runs some counselling centres for alcoholics..

Perhaps you might find an online version, or forums like this. There are loads of books on the topic as well. While not the same as connecting with real people, reading about the overall impact of this type of childhood is heful.

My mom was an alcoholic and my childhood was pretty miserable. In my younger years, I did a lot of searching to heal from it. It took some mindful choice making and study to be sure that I wasn't going to let my childhood ruin my adulthood.

I don't drink or use any mind altering chemicals, and I have worked very hard to be in a healthy relationship for 20+ years. In addition, when it was time to have kids, I researched parenting since I k ew that how I was patented was not sufficient. That worked out great until presented with DS 2 with asd, who didn't fit the books.

If you don't take the initiative to heal those issues from your past you will struggle and possibly replicate over and over. There is a book called Women who love too much" which is actually ok for either gender. It talks about why we get into relationships where we are not treated well, and basically says we are trying to win the battles we struggled in childhood. It talks about mindlessly repeating this battle over and over u til we figure it out.

http://forums.adultchildren.org/

Maybe this could help.

Namaste wrote:

Sounds like we might have a few friends of Lois W here on this site? No need to respond to that, just struck me is all.