Keeping everyone else's cups full-ish

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I'm just gonna vent a little because I feel like crap and I don't want the people I know in RL to know what a monster I am. Hopefully some other AS parents here will understand where I'm coming from.

I'm AS and so are both my kids. Dd doesn't like much physical contact, but ds is 13 and is a serious hugger. It's sweet, and the last thing I want to do is discourage him from expressing love or bonding with me emotionally. He, like, compulsively hugs dh and I ALL. THE. TIME. He can't walk past one of us without giving a hug. He comes wandering in like every 10 minutes just for a hug. It's so sweet and great but I'm so stressed out and overstimulated today. It's so hot and the AC isn't cooling the house down enough. The stupid neighbor and her boyfriend are being loud and obnoxious on the ajoined patio. Have I mentioned it's so hoooot? My clothes feel like they're digging into my skin, but I can't take them off because everyone's home. Dh has been sleeping in the bedroom all day (he works graveyard all this week) so I can't play music to change the mood of the house. Ds has been manipulative and defiant all day (undoubtedly because he insists on wearing thick clothes even though its hot - and is overstimulated too.) I feel like just screaming in his face every time he gets near me! I don't...but then I end up totally overreacting and yelling at him about something stupid instead.

I just want to be left alone, but I can't actually ask for that because everyone else's needs come first. Not in a whiny, "why me" way...but really, their needs ARE more important than mine and there's never enough time/space/whatever left for me to have more than a dribble.

All I can say is I know how you feel, except I can't express it the same way. I am not trying to add to your stress but I do applaud the way you can express yourself. Wish I could do the same!

I was gonna send you ((((hugs)))) but that sounds like that would be the last thing you would want! I hope tomorrow is a better day and hope it cools off where you are soon!

For future thought, is there another way for DS to get his quota of sensory input besides you and DH? Got a big blanket he can roll up in like a burrito or maybe a weighted blanket for his bed? Do try to take any chance you can to collect those dribbles when they come. It is so hard to be Mom when your cup is empty.

Annmaria - thanks. I appreciate the compliment. Words have always made more sense to me than about anything else.

Bombaloo - I've heard mention of weighted blankets here a couple times. It sounds like a heavenly concept. How are they weighted? I don't think it's so much that he needs sensory input as he is feeling emotionally disconnected and using the hugs to try to connect emotionally. Of course, I'm too raw and exposed right now so actually interacting with him on any kind of emotional level is almost physically painful...the hugs are about all I can take. I use a lot of words to explain and express what I'm dealing with and that the kids matter to me n stuff when I'm like this. That's plenty for dd, but ds needs more. Dh is awake now and things will get better. I'll either be so exhausted from all this that I go to bed early and actually wake refreshed tomorrow (here's hoping) or I'll stay up all night stimming and trying to sooth all this overwhelm- then be totally wiped but much more emotionally available tomorrow.

As a NT I may be coming out of left field with this but:

In general it's OK (even healthy) to set reasonable physical boundries, even with (especially with) family members. You say your son has AS, not profound autism.

Wouldn't it be acceptable to tell your son that when it's hot and/or humid; it's too hot to enjoy hugs? We still love even without this hug?

You're correct, of course, that your kids' needs come first and it's encumbant on you to stretch youself on their behaves. But overwhelmed is overwhelmed and that's when you simply can't perform past your own limits. Something's gunna break within you.

Isn't it healthy for adalescent children to start to learn that their parents are humans with limits and not machines capable of dispensing endless mother's milk no matter what the circumstances?

I mean, you're not cutting off his sustanance, you just want him off you today and will welcome his physicallity another day. Doesn't this simply reflect the waxing and waneing of human nature and the whole of the natural world? Is it too much for him as an aspie to experience life in it's actual nature?