Kept saying normal

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Went for my son review today and the Dr kept saying your son looks normal, and then proceeded to say that at his age 13yrs that he should be happy, bubbly, going out with his friends and be normal.

Help? After this appt it was difficult to get him to calm down, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

well.... its hard to understand this post. if its a problem with the doctor get a new one. some background would be usefull cuz i can't really get a big picture of your situation.

my son 13yrs has a difficulties fitting in, I don't understand but it seems that to have autism or be on the spectrum, you have to act or behave in a way that is easy to identify with. I don't get this as he only meet him on this occasion.

My son has friends and no problem in school with others, but he has a big problem with school, he finds it very stressful. Organising himself, been on time for class, not missing bus etc. I could keep going on. For him to meet all the requirements causes huge difficulties.

First of all, what kind of doctor did he see? If he saw a general practicioner it is very likely he has no clue what Asperger's looks like, especially not in brief office visit. I'm not from Ireland but i've read enough posts - isn't there an agency that screen for autism in Ireland? You son needs to see a developmental pediatrician or whatever psychological specialty doctor that deals specifically with autism. Let them know that you suspect Asperger's.

If you post in the general discussion forum asking for service referals in Ireland you should get a much better response.

My son has dx as I have said in many post, we went for his review as he takes medication to CAMHS where they are seeing him for anxieties, adhd, ocd the psychiatrist new first meeting with him.

I assumed he would be checking how the medication was working for him etc and maybe discuss the issues at school which are causing him great anxieties.

Instead the consultation again down the road of my parenting skills, he ask my son whom was the boss at home, my son thinking it was a bit of fun say he was, this confirm that my son was in charge to the psychiatrist .

I had to listen to the spiel about does he have a tv in his room, what age playstation games was he playing. That he was manipulating me by refusing to go to school and the threats of self harm were to get his own way and basically I was buying into it.

The previous psychiatrist confirmed dx of ADHD, ASD, OCD, all this is in his file, he told me that he was surprised when he saw my son as he expected to see something different because of all the dx that were thrown around not sure what he really wanted to see. All this was said in front of my son.

He then said to my son that basically get on with it that he is normal and he should be a happy bubbly 13yr.

He asked my son how many other mothers does he see going to the school regarding their child.

I really don't get it, as I said before its been a long road and I just really looking for positive support and not criticism. Just because they can't read past the outside of my son and their backs are to the wall they turn on the parent. Its very evident to me my son's difficulties, yet there is other professionals whom can see past the outside and he has all these reports.

Annamaria

So sorry you had to go through this. Sounds like that doc had an expectation in his head of what your son should be like based on what he had read and when your son did not appear to meet that expectation then the doc just closed his mind. It also sounds like he is making a judgement about you without really knowing anything about you. Some medical professionals can be condescending. Some seem to forget that mothers really do know best. I have often worried about coming across as the crazy over-protective mom. I am very thankful that we now have a ped that seems to embrace the concept that sometimes Moms and Dads really do know best.

Do you have anyone who can help you advocate for your son? What this doc said, he should be a happy bubbly teenager is a load of crap and he should be called on the carpet for it.

I got in touch today with a Aspergers support group they will advocate for him around the school issues. I am still thinking what can be done about this situation, my daughter has an appointment with same doc in a couple of weeks she is super sensitive. Again it's only a review but after yesterday I am concerned.

Sounds like he is unprofessional. Look for another doctor. The as support groups somebody mentioned would probably be able to tell you which doctors are ok.

Live in Ireland there isn't any private child services in my area, so I am stuck in that situation.

Annmaria,

I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I *hate* the word normal.

Some days it seems like everyone else in the world believes that if my child just tried harder she would be "normal," successful, well-behaved, well-adjusted etc. It can get discouraging for me, so I can only imagine what it must feel like to her!

J.

I'm so sorry you are stuck. Praying you can find a decent doctor.

I'm very sorry that the doctor discounted your concerns. From what you've described, this physician has NO bedside manners whatsoever, and in fact, has acted EXTREMELY unprofessionally. He is essentially disrespecting you in front of your son, and in fact giving your son a script of HOW to discount your concerns for wanting to help your child. I would write a letter to the certifying board for physicians with a complaint. Who knows how many other parents this physician has slighted and mocked, to the detriment of his pediatric patient who should be getting better evaluation and a diagnosis and treatment plan!

One approach I'm taking, and it's helping me a lot (because I was trained as a scientist, and focusing on something I know about makes me feel better) -- is keeping a notebook of observations you have of your son.

If you can, be as objective as you can, using no adverbs (angrily, awkwardly). Describe as if you have never met your son and are seeing it for the first time.

For example:

"He looked uncomfortable by {describe the behavior you see that correlates with discomfort} when {situation X happened}."

I still have a young child so I can't give better examples, but you can see the list I compiled for my child that I'll bring with me to the pediatrician:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt176927.html

I still need to tighten up the language, but my goal is to stay as objective as possible, only giving the doctor DATA to work with, and I expect the doctor to then conclude "we need to get this kid evaluated ASAP."

Remember: doctors LOVE numbers and data because they're trained to trust numbers and data when they are confronted with a situation they aren't prepared to deal with.

Thanks all for your replies.

jstriding I have been mulling over this for the last few day, I had talked myself out of complaining until I read your post thank you.

Luckily my son did not pick up on the offensives remarks, he was taken by the psychiatrist accent whom is from the Asian Continent India I think.

My son has spent the last few days repeating his comments sounding exactly like him, just keeps reminding me of the meeting.

Looking at this from a different angle: If your son is looking so 'normal' to this dr, it's actually a compliment for you!! !! This actually means that you have his meds, structure and parenting style so under control that it helps him to be the best he can be with all the diagnosis!
What this dr 'don't get'...maybe because he has never personally dealt with this type of kid, is that yes they do look 'normal', but oh boy just wait and see what happens when there is no structure, when you try and dissipline him the way you would a 'normal' child and put him in unpredictable situations to increase his anxiety!! ! We all know what will push our children over the edge and cause them to 'space out', rocking, exct.!
Silly dr! Just tap yourself on the shoulder for doing a great job mom!

Thanks lovelyboy,

Positive comments and support is all that is required really helps. I will have to meet this Dr again with my daughter. I have decided to speak with him privately before he meets her, she is 15yrs and will be really upset if the same happens. She is very sensitive, I will speak and asked that if he has any questions regarding my parenting that he does not do this in front of my children.

If I feel he is not listening or helpful I will take the matter further. This kind of situation only adds to the difficulties of trying to do the best for my children.